I am a 42 year old woman with major depression and Biplar II. I also have a history of alcoholism and pill addiction. I am in my 5th year of being clean and sober. I recently tapered off both Zyprexa (anti-psychotic) and Lexapro (AD) due to side-effects (weight-gain, sexual dysfunction, and apathy). My pdoc supported my decision. I currently take Lamictal 150 mgs (mood stabilizer) and thyroid medication for hypothyroidism. I have been off the Zyprexa for about 2 weeks and the Lex for about 1 week. I was suicidal and depressed during w/d from the Z and now with the Lex w/d I am suicidal, nauseated and dizzy, and my moods range from irritable to sad and withdrawn. I am also emotional for the first time in a couple of years. I was briefly hospitalized last year after coming off Paxil cold turkey. I am feeling very frightened, sick, and hopeless. Has anyone else gone through med w/d, and can you tell me how long it lasted? I am determined not to go back on the AD or the anti-psychotic - if the suicidal thoughts worsen, I know to get myself to the ER for help. I have support from friends in a 12-step program, but few of them have experience in this area. Any support or direction would be appreciated. Thanks.