You sound like you need help. I am sorry that this forum and the people here with all of our good intentions have not helped you. Please you can talk with me privately or here or whatever. I am a very good listener and will not be judgmental. I can tell that you are in a lot of pain with just those few words of yours. So please we are all here for you.
I am here. Talk to me anytime.
I answered both your questions. Please understand that this site does'nt move at lightening speed. It's not like being on chat. I hope my answers helped a little.
What type of help are you are looking for?