Questions on Depression

[jimmyhoffa808]

I been having feelings of loneliness/insecurity. I say this because its a feeling that I remember having as a child. I am 29 years old and this feeling I get is similar to what I felt as a child of wanting my mother to be with me all the time. I don't know exactly how to describe it but it makes me feel terrible to my stomach and its very intermittent. Its usually when I'm not feeling good. Kind of like when a child gets sick, the child wants his/her mother near by to cater to them. Does anyone know if this is a symptom of depression or something else? Maybe anxiety? Is depression intermittent? Some days I feel totally normal and then sometimes for brief moments I will get that terrible feeling.

Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

[mandy876]

my niece moved in when her boyfriend broke her arm and she was in a place where she had no where to go.  she was here over the weekend we got a call from the hospital.  her daughter was in a bad car wreck.  we got there they were stappling her head together. we were there a long her ex boy friend came up and tammy had him take me home.  when she got home we found out she was 3 months pregnant.  so she had no  place to go.  so that is how it started.  she stayed here until our boy was 5 years old.  she moved away from herand ent to Houston about a 4 hour drive.  we miss our boy.  that was so hard to lose him.  my niece that still lives with me is 54.  she got fired from walmarts.  she is bi polar manic depressive.  she does not want to live she has been that way since she was a teen.  she tried ti kill herself several times.  her mom this last few years  rtold us she no longer wanted to have anything to do with her.  my sister is so stupid.  that is her precious daughter.  how could she turn her back on her when she needed her.  that kind of messed up my sister and my relationship whar was left of it.  she never helped me with mom and dad when they were dieing.  but she has new meds they ae b ad.  she is in a bad mood.  it has been a hard 2 weeks.  talk to you later.  mandy876

[jimmyhoffa808]

i didn't know your niece lived with you. how old is she now? this is great news that you are not living alone. you two need to plan things to do together. do some activities. are you both retired? i can imagine that being retired could make people depressed because now they have all the time in the world to think about negative things. what sorts of hobbies did you have at one time in your life but had to give up because you couldn't fit it into your schedule. you also may have to make new hobbies for yourself. try different things and see how you like it. always try to make the best of it too. give it a chance. don't just try it knowing you won't like it from the start because then its bound for failure. take walks. exercise is very good to keep your mind off things and it also releases endorphins which im sure you already know. i even heard yoga or tai-chi is a very good hobby to relax and forget about all your worries. it teaches you how to change your state of mind at will. meditation. if you control your emotions, you control your life. this goes for every emotion people feel. think about it.

i really hope you give it a shot and do things with your niece. i think its wonderful you have someone you live with. thats half the battle. now all you guys need to do is take another step forward. i think there is a lot of hope for you. keep coming back here for updates. i would like to hear what you have to say about all this. take care.

[mandy876]

my cancer was a harmonal cancer maybe that is why I gained weight. I lost all my hair.  but we went and bought me a wig.  it was easy to keep care of.  just hang it on the head and it was ready for tomorrow.  but it was so hot.  I have really been down.  my niece that lives with me.  was saying she did not want to live anymore.  she did not care about anything.  it is hard to pull myself up with her so low.  she has not wanted to live since she was a teen.  I hoped maybe being here with someone that loved her would help but it does not.  she wants me to go to her mental health doctor with her.  I say what I think and the doctor thanks me for my input. she says it helps.  I know you usually cant cry when you are on Effexor.  well it did not stop me this time.  I needed a big hug.  I went out side and hollered for our cat oreo he did not come but three others came.  I looked and said ok mr twig.  you are coming in the house with me.  he is my neighbors cat.  solid black.  he and I went I  the living room and I talked he just listened.  then the other cats had ate his food so I gave him some food inside.  I just need someone to care.  am I being selfish.  I needed a big hug.  I needed my cat momo he died.  he was my buddy.  mandy876

[jimmyhoffa808]

I remember my breakup that was similar. We had the same circle of friends. We were together for almost 4 years. It was a rough time. I do remember feeling slightly better after about 2 weeks. Meaning that I started eating again. That first 2 weeks was rough. Nothing seemed like it mattered anymore and I remember sleeping a lot and not feeling hungry for anything. If you want to vent, you go ahead. I'm all ears.

[Griff5268]

The break up is still fresh, 2-3 weeks. Every single thing I look at, or hear reminds me of her. We were very active, traveled a lot. I see a car like her's on the road and it makes me feel sick. Same circle of friends. We ride motorcycles so it's hard to move on with so many similarities.. Drinking is the only thing getting me to sleep lately. I know it's not good for me, but neither is not sleeping. I went the first week on about 6 hours of sleep.   Sorry for thread jacking.

[jimmyhoffa808]

sorry to hear about your friends. i guess its always hard when we get older for a lot of reasons. thank god we have the internet. now you have a way to be connected to many people in which you can make new friendships and also vent what is on your mind. they can also share with you what is on theirs and you may just feel better to know that someone out there is going through the same thing or at least something similar.

i did not know that chemo can make you gain weight. i thought it only made people lose weight? have you cured yourself of the cancer? by the way, it is very nice to meet you.

[jimmyhoffa808]

i have had separation anxiety when i was a little kid but haven't had that for years until recently. i guess the anxiety and depression has brought back those feelings. did you read the post from MYoungAtHeart? that was a really good post on this thread. dont worry about feeling alone because you arent. there are a lot of people on here that are going through the same thing and would love to listen to what you have to say and also tell you about what they are going through as well.

how long has it been since you broke up in your relationship? how long were you with the person?

[mandy876]

i am so sorry about you not having you mom.  have you thought about looking for you birth momand dad.  that might be a good thing.  some times it works out.  unless you already know about them.  if you need a friend on medhelp you will find there are great people herethat  would love to talk to you.  me included.  please keep in touch.  i am 73 but i can still give advise and listen.  mandy876

[Griff5268]

I can relate to you. Although I never had a mother I have always wanted one. I was put up for adoption early on and my grandparents raised me until they died (I was 11). I tend to look for too much in the girls I date. I have always wanted someone to care for me like a mom would. I have separation anxiety. Strong feelings of abandonment. I'm going through a hard break up right now and your words really rung with me. I hate feeling like no one cares, worst feeling in the world. I'm just kind of getting through each day right now very unaware of whats going on around me. I'm 32 now and the feeling of being alone is horrible. I haven't learned to deal with it yet. Not offering advice, only saying I can relate.

[mandy876]

i have always been small never weighed over 100 in my life until i had cancer  and the chemo made me gain up to 115.  that was so wonderful.  i hope and can gain it back again.  i took ever kind of vitamin and mom made me special never gained an ounce.  my sis got upset at me we could eat the samethings and she would gain weight and i would either stay thesame or loseweight. i am 73 most of my friends have died.  or my best friend has health problems.  last week her husband went to the hospital.  he has a blockage in the artery in his neck.  he was suppose to see aheart specialist this week.  doesnt sound good. it is nice to meet you.  mandy876

[jimmyhoffa808]

When your mother was alive, did you have a better appetite and how much did you weigh then?

I am so glad to hear you are doing better. Can I suggest keeping busy with a hobby or something you like to do may help? Or going out with friends once a week to do something. This way there is something to look forward too every week. Make it a routine and keep at it. Slowly you may find your groove and enjoy life a lot more. Keep me posted.

[mandy876]

hi  i am 73 years old my mom died 6 years ago i miss her like it was yesterday.  but the meds the doctor gave me to keep me from crying all the time effexor he just last week doubled it from 75 to 150.  not sure if i can handle this amount.  it makes me sleep and i feel lightheaded.  my legs feel like they weigh 100 lbs i know this is not true ijust weighed at the doctors officei weighed 92.  he wants me to gain 1 or 1/2 pounds a week.  i dont know where he thinks that will come from.  he did not give meanything to help my appetite.  i am doing better.  sounds like you are better.  i understand where you are coming from.  a mother has that touch that makes you feel better just to hear her voice.  mandy876

[jimmyhoffa808]

I thought I would come back and update everyone. I want to apologize about the way I was interpreted. I do love my mother dearly but this is not about her. I think I have figured out what may be going on. When I was a kid I used to have separation anxiety. I couldn't stand when my mother left me. I thought the world was going to end when she left me at home alone with my father especially when I was sick. It's not to say my father was bad or anything its just that my mother catered to me a lot more. Anyway, I think because of what has been going on in my life at the moment, it has caused some of these anxiety fears to resurface. One of them is loneliness. I am alright being alone but occasionally I get a fear of being alone for brief moments then its gone. I stopped having this feeling years ago. I also get a feeling of helplessness and that I am going to die.

For the most part is seems these feelings are beginning to subside but I will keep you all posted because for the last couple months its been coming and going. Right now, this may be my longest streak of it going away so I will keep my fingers crossed. Thanks for reading and let me know if you have anything to add to this. Thank you.

[aaronwebvizards]

I don't find any depressing content in your life, but you miss your mother badly means you always wanted to be closer to her but unknowing you may have not been in your life or so, which makes you feel insecure or alone in your current life too. I would like to ask you is mother alive, if so, then talk to her spend good amount of time with her, make her realize that you are part of her. & if the case is opposite of all expectation then i would suggest you to make a good friend in your life with whom you can share all your feelings & can feel his / her warmth too. This way you an curb your loneliness from your life & stay happy ahead without any depressive feeling in mind.

[jimmyhoffa808]

hey mandy,

just out of curiosity, how old are you and when did your mom pass?

[mandy876]

I like that it is so sweet.  I have so many wonderful memories.  your friend. mandt876

[jimmyhoffa808]

Thank you too Mandy! I cherish my mother and father. I know they won't be around forever and I can't imagine life without them. But I like to remember something from a cartoon from my childhood called Land Before Time. Have you seen it? Anyway, the quote goes like this after Littlefoot's mother dies:

Rooter: Oh, it's not your fault. It's not your mother's fault. Now, you pay attention to old Rooter. It is nobody's fault. The great circle of life has begun. But see, not all of us arrive together at the end.

Littlefoot: What'll I do? I miss her so much.

Rooter: And you'll always miss her. But she'll always be with you, as long as you remember the things she taught you. In a way, you'll never be apart, for you are still part of each other.



So in a way, I think if you have those memories of what you've gained from the relationship with your mom, she will continue to live on...through you.

[jimmyhoffa808]

Your post was one I will never forget. Thank you for every word.

[mandy876]

wanted to say take good care of your self you are worth it,  take care of your mom life will be even greater.  get a good doctor.  you will be fine the best part of your life is yet to come.  god bless you.  by mandy876

[mandy876]

I really like what you said that wasa beautiful experience.  god bless you.  mandy876

[Crystal413]

I don't know if your really depressed, only a dr can diagnose you. Your 29, has this happened to you before? If yes, what did you do? The problem may be that you simply feel lonely and there are too many moments that you are really missing your mom. If you have anxiety about missing your so much, you can very well feel sick on and off. The mind is very powerful with how it chooses to deal with stress. That being the case I would strongly advise for you to see a Therapist to work thru this. In the meantime try to keep your mind as busy as possible, work, friends, shopping, reading, other things you enjoy to do. Even try yoga, meditation and mindfulness, you can just pick one to start, I believe these will really help you.

[mandy876]

not a doctor but that is some of the emotions.  I cried a lot.  I could not get over my emotions.  I lost weight scared my doctor.  he asked me cant you smile and broke down and cried.  he put me on Effexor said i was In severe depression.  I could not accept my moms death.  I still havemy problems.  mandy876

[jimmyhoffa808]

hey mandy,
thanks for the reply. fortunately yes my mother is alive and well. i know i can talk to her anytime but what i meant was that this feeling must be of just loneliness in general.

can depression make you feel like you are sick? like have fatigue and feel feverish? sometimes i just feel like i have the flu or cold or something and don't have the energy or want to do anything. then the next day i am fine. can depression come and go like this? or is depression pretty constant and doesn't just go away like that?