Relationship matter

[ylee]

I have been with this man for four years. Things are getting more pressure in our relationship and I have no one to talk to. He is married and I am kind of like 3rd woman after his wife. I used to talk to a childhood friend of mine about him. She is distanced away from me for not breaking up this relationship. We can't talk much anymore. I have been suffering for the past two years by myself. He loves me and he cares very much of me but somehow I still feel something missing in this relationship. Being the 3rd woman in his life, he always here with me with top priority. We have just loss our son, 35wks stillborn. I believe it's cause by my suicide attempt during my pregnancy. I wanted to take my own life and don't mean to kill my son. Now that my son is gone, I miss him a lot and have been in depression. I am struggling now. If I take my own life again, I will not be able to meet my son in heaven. God will not accept a sinner like me but to live on, it's very torturing for us. I am on the fence now. To jump or not to jump of here. Can someone chat with me? I am very afraid to tell anyone i know of this relationship because I am ashame of how people look at me and worry that I will shun another friend. I have tried to break off but it really hurts me badly that I can't let go. He does not want it to happen too. What should I do?

[ylee]

We are not married as in Malaysia, we practise monogamy unless you are Muslim. That's why it's a shame to be in this status. I have been lying to my family about our marital status too. I really have no one to turn to and I am afraid to talk this out face to face with others. I always imagine how people will dislike a woman like me, being a third party in someone's marriage.

[remar]

I see that your from Malaysia. Does that mean you are his 3rd wife? I'm a little confused.  

[gofio]

Think about what you have posted. Imagine you were reading it about someone else & think how you would advise them. Are you on any medication?Have you told a qualifed medical person (Doc/Psych) how you feel? If not, do so today. It's urgent that in your frame of mind that you get immediate help. Forget about 'jumping' or any other negative actions. Your self-esteem's been blasted & needs restoring. As an Atheist I can't help with faith problems. While you live do all you can to maintain your life, you won't have another one.It's hell to be in such a state as you are currently in, but very many of us have been there too. Recovery to a much happier state is possible, but you do need help, am sure you'll get support from others on site, but don't wait for that ~ seek help now ! Delay will mean that it will take that much longer to recover your happiness. Stop feeling ashamed, it won't do you any good, or anyone else for that matter.Why struggle on alone when you can get your much needed help. The loss of your son's enough to have initiated this downward spiral. Pick yourself up & hold your head up, but do get help now. Best wishes, George

[remar]

There is a lot missing in this relationship. This man belongs to someone else, his wife. It sounds like he has no intention of leaving her so why are you staying with him? You deserve to have a family of your own and that can't happen as long as your with him. Of course he does'nt want it to end. He has the best of both worlds. You and his wife. That's not fair to either of you women. Can you get counseling where you live? I think it would do you a lot of good. Think about what you are and what you are'nt getting out of this relationship. To me, it sounds like your getting a lot of heartache and depression. Is it really worth it?