Serious depression problem

[Kellhus]

I am severely depressed. I have been for about 5 years, I'm now 21. It has only gotten worse over the years, and now it's becoming unbearable. I care about almost nothing, just the animals that live with me and my immediate family. I have a good job, but I haven't been to it in weeks. I'm becoming a borderline alcoholic, and have been hospitalized due to it once already. My appetite has disappeared. In the past two months, I've lost 70 pounds. I had a girlfriend of sorts for awhile, but let's just say I burned that bridge. I have no desire to see people, and in fact would greatly prefer to never see anyone. I feel like I'm a poison to other people, and just being around other members of society is enough to pollute them. I feel like there's nothing for me, and I feel like I'm the worst person I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. I hate, and shame, the person that I am. Going out in public is just absolutely awful, but I have to do it nearly every day. I am able to find minimal joy in forms of escapism, mainly reading. I also can find much joy and shelter in drinking alcohol, as mentioned above. In the past few weeks, I am feeling my worst. I have no desire for anything; money, success, a mate, friends, fun, nothing. Reality itself is beginning to become distorted, I confuse the dreams I have at night with the days that I live. I sometimes am positive there is another person in the room with me, even multiple people. I sometimes zone out for hours at a time. I check the time and am baffled to see 4 hours have passed, and I've just been sitting and thinking of awful things. It sounds silly, but knowing that I have to live my life is the worst torture I could ever fathom. That's the core of my problem. Has anyone else felt like this, and then gone on to turn their life around?

[Bipolar1957]

Yes, as the prior post stated most people can be helped by medication and therapy. Are you on medication at the moment? I was rendered basically speechless reading your post, the words you wrote described me in almost every aspect.  I too avoid people and am constantly plagued with guilt and shame, blaming myself for my condition. I find it easier to deal with this on my own rather than attempt to explain it to people who either don't or can't understand. You are still very young and I can tell by your post quite intelligent.  You can't give up on yourself and let this horrid disease win!!! I think that's what keeps me going when I feel that I can't take the pain another day. I know your pain and hurt for you. If you aren't seeing a psychiatrist I would advise that you do. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[ab1234cd]

I would recommend a psychiatrist as well (they can prescribe medication, psychologists and therapists cannot....but even though they can, it doesn't mean they have to or you have to take it, but it can help).  But, if you like reading, try reading some self help books.  Learned Optimism, The Feeling Good Handbook, and Mind Over Mood are some cognitive behavioral therapy books that can help you change the way you think about things.  Perhaps religion or volunteering will help.  Also, stop drinking.  Even if it helps you escape now, if you actually want to get better, you have to stop.  Best of luck

[M4Y0U]

Depression CAN be cured. You might need the help of a psychologist and a psychiatrist tho. Psychologist will help you cope with good advices and listening to you and making you see things differently while the psychiatrist can help you by providing you with medications that may work extremely well for you.

There is hope and yes a lot of people succeeded in treating their depression. Especially younger people like you!

M4