Weaning off Vallium & Xanax: full details below.

[kaiamorrigan]

I am a 60 y.o. woman who became disabled after a transit accident 6 yrs ago. In 6 months time, we lost our home, lived in a motel (long-term disability from emplyer), found an apartment & thought we were seeing the end of the nightmare.Two weeks after we moved in our ap t, i found my significant other dead in bed, accidental asphyxiation under influence of sleeping med. I was already being treated for Depression & mild Anxiety. These evolved into PTSD/borderline Agoraphobia/Chronic Depression/Panic Disorder. In addition, over the past 2 yrs., I've been dx'd w/Fibro; Osteoarthritis & Diverticulitis.I have been on Diazepam (Valium) 5 mg. & Alprazolam (Xanax) 2 mg. for 5 yrs. I have become a virtual shut-in; combined iwth my physical conditions & other meds (Gabapentin/Cymbalta/Metaxalone), I am fatigued, sleep a lot, lethargic & suffer bouts of "Fibro fog" & fed up! I want my life bakc to the best degree that i can have it. I have found some programs for underinsured that will provide CBT & Alternative Care but not until I am off the benzos. My psych 7 I have discussed but I think he is on the verge of dropping me due to Medicare underpaying and my frequent telephone appointments dueto the lethargy/Agoraphobia issues. He has not returned my calls in 2 weeks & I made it clear to his assistant that I want to be weaned off benzos.I knowmy psychconcurs but now I hear nothing from him. What do I do>

[hippy343]

i have tried what you said and it's not working, i am sorry if it's on someone else's thread and i don't mean to offend them but in my own state of mind i just needed to post how i am feeling, i did not realize i thought it was just a sight to post how people are having problems. this is new to me i have never done anything like this before and if i want to kill myself then why should i worry..i am ready to go..i have lost everything and nothing to live for..

[nursegirl6572]

Hello there. I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time.  Please do me a favor and start your own new thread...as this is another member's.  I don't want her post to get lost or confused among yours.

At the top right hand side of the page is a large orange button saying "post a question".   Click there and  just copy your post and paste it into the body of a new thread.

I want both you and the OP of THIS thread to get your own, individual attention.

Thanks so much!

[bjourney]

also realize all of this will take more time.  If you can put your own pain aside and realize that kids are kids and they are going to hurt our feelings.  Especially when they are also hurt, they just don't have enough life experience to deal with things rationally. Please don't let the things they say now defeat you. Remember you are their Dad and you must show them how adults handle bad situations in life.  It will help you also to feel that you are really doing something positive for them and guiding them through what can seem like a very scary and unfair life experience.  And even though you have tried counseling you must NEVER give up. Your kids will eventually see the truth, they always do no matter how we try to hide things. To Better Days...

[bjourney]

i can't imagine the pain you must be going through, because I understand the things you want for your children. I remained in an unhappy marriage just so I would  not put my kids through that sort of thing.  But stop for a minute and think about what you are saying.  One of the kids is already grown and the other is not far behind. In time when things settle down in your and their lives they will come around and want to be with their "real" father. Please, my best friend from childhood, that I had lived next door to and remained best friends with throughout our adult life, committed suicide at 47. It was devestating to her four boys and really, they never fully recovered from it, as I didn't.  The pain and guilt that is left behind never fully heals.  Her children somewhat blamed themselves for not wanting to go with her because she was broke all the time after her and her husband split. (the youngest child was 12)  As bad as things seem now trust me they will get better. I really can't offer any advice as to what to do but I think if you just stop, and think about how that would affect your children for the rest of their lives, I think you will know ending your life is not the answer. PLEASE do them and yourself a favor and try to find some help somewhere. Sometimes just finding someone to listen and just be there, maybe offer some suggestions,will help.  You know you can't change what has happened so you must figure out how to move forward and realize that you might not ever get back with your wife, but that you can still have a relationship with your children and at least patch those realtionships up. You still can do that right now, with death there is no turning back. I really don't know how I got on this site but truly I wish you the very best for your future and your relationship with your kids - just realize you still have the opportunity to heal that. Good Luck and God Bless.

[hippy343]

    All i want to say is that i want to die my life just keeps going from bad to worse and i just want to end it as the pain is to much..i have tried doctors,counselling, psychiatric help, a number of different activities and none of it makes a difference..
     It all started when me and my wife split and it hurt me badly, but to find out she was having an affair with my close friend who is also married and(not best friend) who we used to go on holiday with, nights out, meals at each others houses and more..
     I have 2 wonderful kids who are now 21 and 12 and i love them so so much , but they were younger when we split.. I had 2 jobs at that time so i worked 7 days a week for 6 years so that they can have everything that they ever wanted, house , cars , holidays, clothes but the one thing they didn't have was me i wasn't there enough, so i changed a few things with my work i left my weekend job and also cut back on overtime with my full time job so that i can spend more time with them and my wife to get my marriage back on track.. but it made no difference so i moved out for a couple of months in the hope that we can get back together through some time apart...but unknown to me he was having an affair with my wife who i trusted, this got round to a lot of people and they were discussed by this and he made a lot of enemies.. my son did not want us to split or move house though he didn't know about the affair.. since then i had lost my position at work as Team Leader as my mind was else where and was really struggling and eventually lost my job..then had to sell my house..
     Through all of this i have had the police at my door on a number of occasions getting accused of vandalism to this guys house or car to which i didn't know where he lived as i didn't want to know..i had my son in the house on these times the police were at my house and it will be something i will never forget..i had been accused of slashing his tyres, scraping his car, gluing his windows and doors, smashing his windows and the most ridiculous painting his house..all of this was never ending even when i had prove of where i was for all i was accused of, i keep receipts of everywhere i've been for the last 6 years or so i have thousands of them..my health was going from bad to worse through all of this and my ex just treats me like utter ****..i hardly ever see my daughter as she was staying with her mum and my stayed with me 3 nights a week..but just recently they have moved into a house together and my son's attitude has changed so much since he moved in with them, his behaviour is so bad and now i haven't seen him now for a month, he has learned so many bad habits from this man who is a bad influence on him and i worry for his future which i probably wont see as i can't live this life.. this man has set out to what he wanted to achieve, he has taken my wife , then my daughter and now my son and he and my ex have put me through hell and accused me of all sorts and making me look bad in front of my kids and it continues and continues and i just want to end it the pain is to hard,i have tried so many different things to try and get better but it doesn't work, i can't bear my kids being around him and can't bear not seeing my kids and have been punished severely just for being a good dad, but now i just want to die as i can't changed whats happened with my kids who i don't see now and it's tearing me apart, i have nothing to live for now and want to end this horrible life of depression.. i do believe people should get second chances but this didn't happen to me as the affair had already been started..so for now i want to just kill myself and end this torcher.. Scott.

[4Maddie44]

Oh I am so sorry about your partner, and your accident.  You have certainly had a very rough time.  No wonder you are depressed.

Is there not a psychiatric nurse who visits people in their homes.  I would have thought that with your agoraphobia, this would be what happens.  Mind you I live in another country, so it may well be different where you live.

I expect someone else from USA will be able to help more.

I just wanted to say we are all supportive here.  I do hope you get help soon.

Take care