with ref i think i should try to die again.

[dawsohs]

I have just read that post that says i think i shpuld try and die again, i think that all the time but i never do it? Well some days i'm fine and im buzzing but othert times im depressed and i want to die, i never really tell anyone the way i feel, i hide it very well. My boyfriend has had enough of my mood swings and has told me that we are giving the house up in 4 weeks as he can't cope with me. See.....I'm useless. We are always skint although iwork my *** off every day but sundays, i keep the house as nice as i can can but none of this is good enough for him.......Anyway i guess my question is if we feel like killing ourselves?? Why dont we actually do it as it dont matter how often i feel like suicide i would never have the balls to do it which i look at one of two ways, either im crap and aint even got the bottle to kill myself properley or that a life is precious and should be cherised, but it depends what kind of day it is which response i have.  
Anyway sorry for my going on kinda having a bad day,,,,,, but why aint i got the bottle to kill myself am i just a whimp????

[lilly6jl44]

Personally I think about killing myself atleast once an hour. EVERY hour.

But. I know I do not want to die at all. No way! But i dont know how to cope with this illness. The boyfriend thing you were speaking about..  well this is my personal opinion;

We are unwell. We have never and would never chose this way of life and if we could change it we would in an instant - unfortunately some people are small minded and cruel or more commonly: they simply do not and can not understand. Its not their fault and the most painful lesson I have learnt is you can not ever make someone understand how has never experienced something like it. Its impossible! On rare occassions you find ppl who dont understand but will listen and support you..

I try not to learn on these ppl too much.. because what normally happens is you cry on someones shoulder and then they expect that you will be ok.. they dont understand why your mood doesnt lift when they support you for a while... they don't understand we cant shake this. Then they get fustrated and bail.. again its not their fault. I've just lost a close friend who I told everything too because he thinks I should be 'better now'

Obviously i don;t know much about your relationship with your bf but you need to talk to him if he cant or won't suport you then you need to end that relationship its not fair on either of you. He will feel guilty and miserabloe and so will you. Its the most painful thing in the world. If you do end it theres nothing to say  that in a year or so when hopefully you have got help and learnt to cope with everything, that you wont get back together and be happy.  This is an extremely selfish illness, you cant help it, but a partner doesnt deserve to be neglected and if they cant cope then its time to end it.. for BOTH your benefits. You don't need to be worried/feel guilty about your partner/your relationship/your home when you have so much to deal with. You need to concentrate on getting better.

You're not crap, or weak, cowardly or crazy,,, becuase you think about dying and then chose not too. Because you know that will be it. You have more strength and bravery in you than you realise.. you think about dying then think... no.. i'll wake up tommorow and try again.

[dawsohs]

Thankyou, i feel like i just have such alot on my plate at the moment and my head feels like it wants to explode!! You are always so kind. i dont want to kill myself i dont think, it sometimes just seems like the best thing to do all round, then i wont hurt, and i wont hurt anyone around me. feel like a bad person.Just want to be normal. I feel like a right loon, one day i'm suicidal then the next i'm as right as rain happy and smiling and being over the top as my boyfriend says. it seems like however i am he just cant cope with me ...... Thanks again x x

[mammo]

Suicide is never the answer, and may be the beginning of something worse.  Maybe inside you truly don't want to die, maybe a higher power is stopping you, I don't know.  You need to see a professional for help with therapy and/or medications.  Don't allow this or your boyfriend to define who and what you are.  This is like any other disease, it's not your fault and requires treatment.  If it were diabetes, you wouldn't think less of yourself, and would seek help, right?  This is no different.  Your boyfriend doesn't understand and this is a common problem, but don't allow his lack of understanding make you think less of yourself.  This break-up may be a good thing for you in that it may force you to get the help you need, to concentrate on you for now.  You're so young with a lot of living to do, so take some time to get your life together and back.  I know it's painful, but it's time to truly think of you and what you want and need out of life and a partner. Take care....