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Avatar universal

depressed gf wanted a break

My name is Adrian and I'm 27 years old. I'm in a relationship with a girl for 5 years and a half and recently she decided to take a break because she could not cope with depression and felt somewhat trapped in this relationship and felt that she can not be loved in the state in which she is now, and wanted a break to sort her problems. only ..... her condition is getting worse, if about 2 weeks ago, when we decided to take a break she was slightly sad and anxious, she is constantly crying now, has panic attacks, cannot find her place , she sits most of the day with a girlfriend at her home because she is afraid to stand alone, not hardly smiles and says she does not know what's going on with her or if she will ever get through this! 2 days ago she wanted to see me, we got togheter and went to a park but hardly talked about her issue, but mostly about how we been in the last week. she barely spoke, she said she does not sleep at night and that she does not want to restart the relationship now because she feels she need to get over this one alone. she is calling me at night and tells me she can not sleep and we talk nd usually got to sleep with me on the phone. today she said she has an appoipent to a doctor but does not want me to go with her, she is going with her friend. it hurts so much that she does not let me be there for her and honestly i do not know how can i help her and i dont understand why she is rejecting me when I want to be near her. I dont know how to convince her that it's not good to remain this way because I see her daily how she is worse! she does not eat and she smokes about 2 packs of cigarettes per day given that she used to smoke one pack per week. she is a very introverted girl and u rarely get anything from her even when she's mad or has a problem she prefers to keep it in. She is very perfectionist and hasn't a good relationship with her family, they barely speak. What could I do in this case? I understand that people do not think clearly when depressed and tend to reject any help and any significant person in their lives, but I feel completely helpless in front of these things and do not know how to react. I'm afraid that if I try to insert myself in her life again she will react and she will never want me back. i asked her a million times if she want to be alone and she only says that this is a break and wants me to understand her even if it hurts me. we talk on daily base, one or two calls a day, she replies to my txts, we even saw eachother 2 times in 10 days at her wish. i dont understand why she doesnt want me closer to her and wants to be more with her female friend?(no they are not together, that girl is married with children and my ex gf sleeps and her house sincer 2-3 days ago sincer her depression got worse).
what can i do except give her time? why does she reject me?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Yes, I think the best thing to do is give her time. You really are a great boyfriend for being there when she needs you. Hopefully the Dr she's going to see will be able to help her. And, there is so much help available. Therapy and or meds can do wonders. Just try to hang in there and not take things personally.
Avatar universal
Yes, you are a very devoted boyfriend to her.  From the way you described her, she has some problems that were bound to come to a head at some point.  She is hardly keeping you out, when you talk to her every day. Perhaps she is afraid of losing you if you see her when she is so bad off.  And from the way you described her, she has been keeping a lot from you through the years--introverted, and "u rarely get anything from her".  Give her the break that she wants or you will likely push her away.  When you get back together, you will need to establish better communication with her, if she is able to, or you will have more surprises ahead.  Perhaps you like a girlfriend who does not let much out, but you take a big risk.  A close relative of mine had a girlfriend for 5 years, then they got married.  A year  after being married, she got depressed and ended it all.  He was extremely shocked. But his wife was very introverted, never talked much.  I'm sure that you are just as shocked as my close relative was. If your girlfriend does not get therapy, I would be concerned about your relationship working out.  Wish you better times.
Avatar universal
As a chronic depressive (dysthymic ) myself who had a long relationship with a normal girl(in your case its opposite ) let me say a few things : may or may not apply in ur case  as each one is unique  
1.  At this moment the top priority is getting her treated by professionals as she looks like very depressed and when in deep depression we cant think clearly . At this stage dont take things personally  ...Tell her u can be there as a friend for time being till crisis is over ...

2. once the deep depression lifts u need to understand why she needs a break etc etc ... Ideally with a couple counselling if possible  .Now dont force her  .. In my case there were my insecurities and ambivalence . She was a balanced girl ...

3 . And lastly a  rare rare possibility ,,  is your girl friend having borderline disorder too ? If thats the case after the depression lifts and you meet a mental health professional you may have to take decisions .  

I am really happy that you are a very caring boyfriend but after the short-term crisis stage (is she on medication ?)  let there be open communication and lets see where things go  ... Mainly why she wants a break  ?  But priority now is treating the deep depression (probably major depression :can be dangerous )

regards and best wishes  ..
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