Depressed

[flubbedup]

I want to be manic, or what is manic for bipolar 2. I have so many other things to deal with that I always almost seem to be fighting down feelings and emotions, don't like letting anyone one, family, friends to know just how ugly I feel and how much I don't like myself. I don't get counseling cus they say I aint bad enough, could be I have a hard time truely being me and truely opening up. I just hate almost everything right now, and everyone. Feelings of angur to often, and towards those I love. IS there even hope, sure don't feel like it.

[Athena_M]

I know exactly how you feel.  I remember being in a depression and wishing for some tiny bit of mania.  

It would be good for you to get counseling and try a support group where you can talk about life with others.  

You know what gets me out of depression?  A small piece or two of Dark Chocolate 60% or 70% Cacao.  

Also taking one multivitamin a day, sometimes when we are depressed we are lacking B vitamins or folic acid.  Also Fish Oil/ Omega supplements will lift the depression.  Just don't take too many vitamins.

Also with the Dark chocolate a small amount daily will lift depression, but too much makes start crying like a baby.  

Focus on one part of yourself that you like.  I like to wear make-up because it makes me feel happier.  

This is probably the best article on depression I have ever read.  Check it out.

www.cancertutor.com/other/depression.htm
  

Hope you feel better
  

[whodunnit]

Hi Flub,

I gather you are  bopolar then if you know how it feels. I too have felt what is probably just hypomania and the first two times I would have rather died than lose how that felt. It truly was a great feeling, better than at any time in my life, pre or post depression. So I understand what you're saying there.

I've only been there 3 times really and the third time was a rapod cycling nightmare. None of the good stuff and just horrific mood swings that flipped me and all around me right out. It was the worst I've ever felt in my life. Which is why I say don't wish for it as the initial feelings and experiences seem to be good but turn into horror shows.

I guess what you're saying is you just want and need a break and I hope so much you get one, and soon. I'm fairly even these days but it feels so good compared to that awful fear, anxiety and total misery I had for so long.

Best to you.

[flubbedup]

manic feels better then this does. I know manic can be a bad thing, but when you weigh the two evils out, manic is better for me then this. SO the reason for writing that. Thank you for your response, it is welcomed.

[whodunnit]

Hi,

You say you WANT to be manic? Why on earth would you want that? Clearly you have no idea how bad mania can be else you would not want it.

Who said you are not bad enough for counselling? If it wasn't a doc then go see one as such advice (???) is dumb, dumb, dumb. Only you know how you feel and what you describe is plenty for me to suggest a doc should be seen and treatment directed. Therapy or meds, up to you and the doc.

Don't ever wish for something you don't know as it can be the worst nightmare you'll ever have.

[Melissa3883]

I'm so sorry that you feel that way, but believe me, I totally know how it feels- like you can't talk to anyone and no one understands.  I also have Bipolar II and major depression and Borderline Personality disorder along with other stuff and its REALLY HARD.  But don't let anyone tell you that its not bad enough for you to get help, because obviously you feel pretty bad.  I go to counseling and see a psychiatrist but I don't take meds anymore cause I've tried about everything and they just don't work for me, but that just isn't the case for most people.  By the way, I'm 26, and even though yeah my life pretty much ***** I just try to take it one day at a time.  And although I lose hope sometimes, sometimes I do think things will get better.  But I'm really glad that I got on here tonight and found this forum and saw all these people with the same kind of problems.  However, my point is, and I hope I havn't lost you by now... Bipolar II people I think are often bewildered by "manic" episodes, because we don't get those really big highs.  But manic can mean being severely irritated and having intense anger, or being so anxious that you don't know what to do with yourself, or your sex drive kicking into like severe overdrive or for me (I used to be a BIG drinker) it makes me want to go out and party and get drunk.  So anyways, feel free to write anytime if you have any kind of question and I'll be happy to try to answer, I've been going through this my entire life so its nothing new.  If you can find a counselor nearby I would greatly encourage you to use that resource and also to see a psychiatrist that can dispense medications if necessary (which for us it usually is).  If you are in the Longview/Kelso area, I'd be happy to point you in a good direction for free services.  Alright.  Take care of yourself.
Melissa