Lately I’ve been having thoughts. I just want to get out of this zone. Taking pain relievers really don’t relieve me of my pain. I want to go away. It’s just that it’s too hard. I’m afraid of all the people I will hurt in the process. My mom, my dad, my whole family, my friends, my teachers, my community. I want to just get away from all this but I can’t because I’m too much of a wimp. I want to just leave. Get away from this pain. I hate this feeling so much. There isn’t anyone in my friends that I can relate to, They are all happy and busy. I’m just that girl that isn’t very smart. Isn’t getting good grades. And probably isn’t going to go to a good college. I want to live in the present but it’s just too hard. The pressures of the future are just scary. and what I do today will affect what I get tomorrow. I want to hide. Get away from this world for a while then return back like nothing ever happened. Like I’m not feeling the emotions I feel right now. But that’ll never happen. Because my life is already ruined, for the future at least. I’m getting Cs and Ds for every single subject. Why? Because I can’t remember anything that I want/have to remember. Everything is just so hard. I want to leave. Get away. Move on. I don’t want to tell a professional. I’ll get sent away. Be put into a hospital. I don’t want that to happen I’ve already been to the hospital for so much of my life. I hit my head and cut my head when I was little… I’ve had to do stuff to my legs because I kept falling so much… I got my wisdom teeth pulled…It’s just too stressful. I can;t concentrate on anything therefore I can’t do anything productive without drawing my attention to something else. I feel like I need to take more pain relievers. but that won’t help. I won’t cure me. It won’t make me a sudden genius. It just won’t. Leaving to a better place is what I where I want to be right now. I can’t say goodbye world. It’s just to hard. On the other hand, I want to say “Goodbye world, now I can go to another place.” For now, I’ll just have to wipe away those tears. and go on with my life. Because I just have to. I’d be letting down on too much/ too many people and things.
I don't know if this will help but I'm 15. I've felt just in despair for quite a while. Just on and off. Since Middle School. And I'm in High School now.
Email me anytime
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