the hardest time of day is waking up.

[chrisjavier]

it sounds stupid, but i find the hardest part of my day is to just wake up. like to get up and live my day. i feel like rusty car that needs a jolt to get moving.
i wake up with my body facing up, and i feel like the world is pushing down on me. the very second i wake up .. after daily nightmares..i dont want to be awake or sleep..
im afraid to go back to sleep because of the nightmares..and i just dont want be awake and face reality.
im afraid of both, im afraid of what kind of pain i'll have to face in my day.
the split second i wake up i dont see the sun, or hear the birds bumming beautiful music..
i only see grey, and 'oh, i have to wake up and suffer..again.'
this is getting reallty bothersome, painful. i want to wake up refreshed somehow.
i dont want to keep waking up , not wanting to live.
this depressions really hurting me when im sleeping and awake. idk what to do , pleaes any insight?
im desperate to be happy.

[MMahon]

You should seek professional mental health treatment as soon as you can.
Depression is almost always worse in the morning because, even if you do sleep,  you feel as if you haven't and a few days of that and it's like you are in hell.
Make an appointment with a good psychiatrist.  Get a referral from your doctor if you don't know one.   Treatment is available and you can get relief from what you are experiencing if you get the proper help.  

[Kat2189]

I know what u mean there man. I think the hardest part of a lot of peoples day is waking up, but for people like us,  it is like waking up in hell. I know all I wanted to do was stay in the bed all day long and never get up. I put up black-out curtains and my room is like a dungeon.
I talked to my doctor about starting medication to treat the depression and it started working. She put me on Zoloft. I started to feel like my life had a purpose again. I felt less agitated toward my loved ones and even started to feel better toward myself.
I like getting out of bed now. I am in the process of switching antidepressants right now because of the side effects of the Zoloft, but definately talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about medication. There's one out there for all of us, and it does not make you any less of a person for taking it.

[whoitsme915]

Hey I know how you feel. I suggest you try God. If you want to ask god to replace your life. Send me a messege. Ok be glad to help

[chrisjavier]

i was actually yesterday, happy and smiling becaues i was spending time with my friends.
we spent the entire day at the beach. and i suddenly forgot of my problems and it felt like i was at peace with the world. and i was sober.

but i woke up this morning feeling like absolute garbage. weak. soul-less. worn out.

why doesnt this feeling just carry over? i want this happiness to carry over, so i can finally live my life normally.

[whoitsme915]

Are you taking medicine

[rarmst]

I have been brought up to believe in god but find it really difficult to have faith. I am envious of people who have faith and feel close to god. I wish I was like them. I find it all difficult to understand. It sounds silly but sometimes when I'm at church I feel like a fraud because I don't understand and also don't have that faith. How can being closer to God make you feel better?

[chrisjavier]

yes im taking medicine.
and i feel somewhat close to God.

but this morning i just woke up from night mares dreaming of her.
i was hugging my pillow thinking it was her, leaning on the pillow ..thinking it was her.
my ex haunts my nights, and burdens my days.
all i feel is that im dwelling on my ex too much still.

[lookingforhealth]

The morning is the hardest for me too.  For almost all of my life.  I would sometimes wish I was just where I was supposed to be.  I called in to so many jobs and thought it was laxyness until I realsized I was depressed.  

[PurellGirl]

I know how you feel. I'm here to talk if you or anyone else needs it.

[chrisjavier]

i just moved into my dorm.
moved out of my house, so now im really all alone.
like idk if this is good or not.
but mornings are far worse now.
i have no one to really talk to or anyone really close.

[thomj513]

For me it's going to sleep the night before since I know I'll have to wake up in the morning and all this will start over again.  I've been on meds for 3 years and am now off of Effexor.  Not many of the meds seem to work.  

[compnet]

Have you had your endocrine system (Thyroid, adrenals, etc.) checked?  

What about your electrolytes (Magnesium, Calcium, Sodium, Potassium)?

[amanda714]

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees.  And for the moment you can hardly breathe. Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone." John mayer- dreaming with a broken heart.

Chris, don't feel so alone.  If John mayer can write a song signifying your very emotions, it showcases how your feelings are common among others.  You're wrong about saying that you don't have anyone to talk to- you have this depression community and a number of individuals who have given you their time and support by responding to your post.  I hope that this will help you to see that there are actually people out there who will care enough to listen to you when in need.  Have you tried befriending others in your dorm?  I have faith that you will be able to find a friend if you open yourself to it.  Just remember that building friendships can take a lot of effort.  Don't feel discouraged if you find yourself struggling to find companionship.  Time and effort, always keep that in mind. And again, if you feel you need some emotional support, you can always post on here.  

I can definitely relate to your desperation for happiness.  A couple months ago, I was contemplating suicide because I felt such despair in my life.  I can recall how I cried to my psychologist that I no longer had a belief in happiness.  I slept every night having nightmares and lived everyday overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness.  There was such internal turmoil that I craved for a chance at peace from the idea of ending my life.  Today, I still experience "negative" feelings but thing are much better.  It took time, effort, and a commitment to keep enduring through the hard times for me to feel happy again.  You mentioned that you are taking medicine, but are you also receiving psychotherapy?  I think medicine can only help you so much.  I feel that sharing your deepest emotions with a trusted professional can be very beneficial for you.  Have you thought about speaking with a therapist?

[chrisjavier]

i havent replied in a while because i feel ashamed that i've smoke everyday.so much for being sober.
i stopped taking meds, pot's been always there for me.
i've been ridicuoulsly anxious, and now that i can smoke its taking the edge from me.
i still feel shittier more than ever, but pot makes me happy.