very negative state of mind right now

[mum2four]

I'm haveing very negative thoughts tonight. I have had a big day had to go to class and that was a anxiety and OCD chalange repeating songs and pacing when I was alone in the class cause I could not make my head focus on the assignment I was trying to do. Gave up and left class early needed to go to an oppointment at 3 pm anyway but I walked to the bus stop still repeating songs loudly and put the mp3 player to my ear to try drown out the thoughts. Had to return a wrongly dilivered parcel to the post office when I got there thay refused to let me return it as I had opened it cause it had my name but the item in side were not mine(photo's of another family). they said I would have to pay to return them so I told them to keep them or throw them I did not care I was not taking them home again they said NO I said bye and left in a panic. Rang my partner calmed down went to mcdonalds for lunch then went to my oppointment with my phycologist. That was a bit tough as well I was crying and said I wiched I was not born I did not ask to be born I dont want to be here I did not ask for this life. etc etc. I still feel like I want to give up and stop trying. I want to go to sleep for eva and not wake up. I dont know why we are we here why are we born why do we live why should I try to be apart of the world its horrable it does not care if I live or not so whats the point.

[mum2four]

My phycologist is very nice and good, I just had a bad day sorry. To many thing happen in the one day and was struggling to find the energy to fight off the negative thought in my head.

My phycologist just chalange some of my OCD issues and it lead to me becoming negative. I really dont know we exist still it just feels like we are born into a world that is so mean I just want to a find a safe quiet place to live my life and be done with it but it seem that it not posaible. People are always going to making it hard to.

I have never known what it feels like to be so happy that I can ignore the negative stuff around me. I cant wrap my head around the idea that is even remotely posiable or the RIGHT thing to do. When people tell me I HAVE to deal with life my OCD or depression or both kick in and I fight back with NO I dont. I start to wish I was never born, and I dont know how to over come this. I can find a strong enough reason as to why life is great that I should ignore people (bad or good). It just feels WRONG so wrong that it hurts inside it hurts so bad that I want to punish my self in some way. I feel like I dont deserve to be apart of the world. I dont know how to get past that.

I take 200mg of luvox for my depression, OCD, GAD, PTSD.

[MMahon]

It seems you are quite depressed and anxious and I sympathize with you very much.  It is hard to deal with this type of thing and we all need help to get better.
You see a psychologist but it doesn't sound like it's helping.  
Do you take any medications?  
What you are feeling are very common to depression and anxiety. There is good treatment for this and with it you can find a 'light at the end of the tunnel'.  You have to decide that you want to get better and do what you can to get there.  I believe that you do, otherwise you probably wouldn't have posted here.
Go to a good psychiatrist and demand help.  Do what they recommend and put your trust it them.  You already know what the other options are.  Many of us have been where  you are and are still suffer as you do but we have found ways to make life worth living, if not tolerable.
Let us know how you make out and god bless.