want to end my life

[ivan_elbisivni]

i am in depression and its getting worse day by day. i am doing third year engg in I.T. in mumbai. i think of suicide most of the day but thankfully don't have the courage to actually commit it. i have tried hurting myself though. i can't tell my parents as they think only retarded people need counseling. i have given them hints but to no avail. i have started performing very poorly at exams. i just can't concentrate. i feel useless, hopeless, worthless. i lose interest in things very fast. everything i do goes wrong. friends have ditched me, used me, i am in love with one of my closest friends,  have told him this but he just made a joke of it but expects me to be always there for him. i have no interest in anything, i feel aimless with no enthusiasm for future. i want to excel in my exams.please help.
i want to get out of it myself as its said that you cannot change others but only yourself.

[ivan_elbisivni]

thanks for the support.............i am striving. i may stumble at times but i must go on!
u take care
love
me

[ivan_elbisivni]

sure i would love to know what you have to share

i try to be spiritual but when I feel hopeless...even God seems to be against me

but still it helps at times. its not going to be rapid but i am giving everything a shot...i am desperate to be normal.

[birdie0907]

"to get unwell and prolong suffering is adding to the burden of surviving."

Yes. Stay focused and do all that you can to get well.

[swathij]

hi if u can belive me i have an answer for u,i hav been suffering since years and was very sucidal but after trying this i m more relaxed and gave up sucidal thoughts, its liitle related to meditation and spirituality, if u wanna try it msg back i would give u full details, post ur msg in the forum itself ..................there are many who really care u as u could c from the answers, u wud definetely come out of it b brave. i m suggesting u to try what i tell ..........

[ivan_elbisivni]

i have seen a doctor. tomorrow i am having the 2nd session
haven't told anybody else. will see what results in few days. i will have to tell them because i am still a student and financially depend on my parents

as for the medicines...the effects i am not sure of. i don't know what to expect either.
no return of euphoria but my usual lethargy is back.

mine is more of impulsive behavior. when i am alone, sit for studies that my mind goes into overdrive.

even i got thoughts like if i can openly directly yell what i am going through,i must take a little drastic step,nothing major,but enough to scare them and make them stand up and take notice.
but that would be foolish. to get unwell and prolong suffering is adding to the burden of surviving.

i am placing faith in the doc for now.

exams over, depression will subside. but i must destroy it at roots for i know...exams back, depression back!

[birdie0907]

Ivan did you take LeftC advice and check in with a doc? Let us know.