want to end my life

[ivan_elbisivni]

i am in depression and its getting worse day by day. i am doing third year engg in I.T. in mumbai. i think of suicide most of the day but thankfully don't have the courage to actually commit it. i have tried hurting myself though. i can't tell my parents as they think only retarded people need counseling. i have given them hints but to no avail. i have started performing very poorly at exams. i just can't concentrate. i feel useless, hopeless, worthless. i lose interest in things very fast. everything i do goes wrong. friends have ditched me, used me, i am in love with one of my closest friends,  have told him this but he just made a joke of it but expects me to be always there for him. i have no interest in anything, i feel aimless with no enthusiasm for future. i want to excel in my exams.please help.
i want to get out of it myself as its said that you cannot change others but only yourself.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes I would strongly agree that you have bipolar and that you need a working mood stabilizer rather than an anti-depressent. Lithium, Depakoate and Lamictal are the most used options and I personally found Lamictal to be the most tolerable. Google "Depression Central" (has information on all mood disorders) for more information.

[ivan_elbisivni]

but that has to be prescribed by my doc isn't it? or can i take them myself without any prescription?
i have no clue as to all these meds!

[ivan_elbisivni]

exams over...i thought all will now be ok...no more depressing thoughts
went to a small trip with family
college started...started enjoying with friends...loosened up a bit unlike my usual uptight self
started ignoring my friend-***-love and thought things will be ok now
but no.....i am not meant to be happy
i am not meant to have friends,companions and love!
the tears are back, so is the feeling of hopelessnes,loneliness..the feeling that i am one good-for-nothing ugly person!!
nobody seems to care about me...they are with me only as long as i listen to them! but nobody wants to listen when i talk!
my last paper was a disaster...i thought i would flunk..and i still think so....
i got so hyper and panicky that i got a migriane attack
came home crying....felt like it was the end.
pa rushed me to doctor....
when i was at doctor's i told him and my parents that i had been to a psychiatrist and was on antidepressants
they asked just basic few question as to whom did i go with and when and how i came across that doctor.

they haven't bothered to ask me why i went there....what was troubling me..
at first i felt happy that i won't have to answer nasty questions but now i am wondering whether they even care for me!!!!!!!
m back in the ditch
it's like quick-sand!

[dhylles]

i am going through the same form of depression as well and what works for me is God and surrounding myself with my family and positive friends and going to see my therapist on a weekly basis. the other that works for me is talking to other people who are going through depression or have been through depression because you don't feel alone and they know exactly how you feel so you can help one another and i absolutely love this forum. Trust me I too have thought about suicide but when i look at the love my family and bf and my nephews have for me it is a life changing thing. Stay strong and keep in prayers. God is powerful than anything else in this world. i will pray for all of you. OH and try some yoga as well. it helps.

[ivan_elbisivni]

it seems i am suffering from severe depression,mild to severe bipolar disorder,ocd and trichotillomania, adult attention deficit disorder....i did online screening tests on a site called psych central!
and i have taken a few other online tests for depression! all are positive!

do i see a psychiatrist or a psychologist?
what's the difference between these two?