Aa
Married to a diabetic with low sex drive
HELP!!
I recently married a 39yr old diabetic and is taking insulin shots. He discovered he had diabetes 4 yrs ago. We have been trying to conceive but only have intercourse 2 or 3 times a month. I knew his sex drive was low before we go married and truthfully contemplated not marrying him for the vary reason. I don't know whether i can stay in this marriage if our sex life barely exist.
His sex drive has been almost nonexistent and is starting to impact our marriage. I'm very active and need more from him. Is it true that diabetics could have low sex drive and this will not change?
I recently married a 39yr old diabetic and is taking insulin shots. He discovered he had diabetes 4 yrs ago. We have been trying to conceive but only have intercourse 2 or 3 times a month. I knew his sex drive was low before we go married and truthfully contemplated not marrying him for the vary reason. I don't know whether i can stay in this marriage if our sex life barely exist.
His sex drive has been almost nonexistent and is starting to impact our marriage. I'm very active and need more from him. Is it true that diabetics could have low sex drive and this will not change?
NanaGG...
WOW... what an amazing, incredibly well-worded, intuitive, thoughtful, and gentle post.
chilitee...
The reply from NanaGG is dead-on. You stated that you knew the situation before you got married, and I could be as demure and diplomatic as NanaGG, but she's done that for me, so now I really have to say this: yes, diabetes and aging in general effect each of us differently, and therefore can, absolutely, be the cause of decreased sex-drive or ability to perform, but there is also a more common factor, regardless of health status of either partner... which is sensing the distancing and disapproval of one's partner. From your post it seems that an active sex-life is very important to you, so if you knew that this man did not have a similar sex-drive, why did you marry him? Diabetes absolutely can decrease erectile function (regardless of blood sugar control, over time) and desire (generally due to poor blood sugar control), but even an inability to get an erection does not equate with a lack of desire... Another, less pleasant, thought... are you sure *he* wants a child? If he truly, even secretly, doesn't want a child, that would explain a lot. Or, if he's feeling pressured to "perform" and already has a decreased sex-drive, that would only drive his level of desire even lower.
But... If you *both* truly want a child and he isn't able to provide the raw materials to do so... well, there are other ways... and if you married this man because you love him and feel a life-long partnership with him, then that is what really matters. You could adopt, you could foster; if having *his* child is of ultimate importance, there are ways a medical professional can non-sexually combine his sperm and your egg.
If the problem is really centered around your sex life, then you need to talk to him about it. There are a LOT of activities that a married couple can do to provide each other sensual pleasure that don't require an erection to be present.
Bottom line, if you married him for any other reason or expectation other than mutual love, then do the favor for both him and yourself by getting out now. If you do truly love him, and he truly does love you, then accept that a marriage requires work and nurturing and understanding and compromise and move boldly forward.
WOW... what an amazing, incredibly well-worded, intuitive, thoughtful, and gentle post.
chilitee...
The reply from NanaGG is dead-on. You stated that you knew the situation before you got married, and I could be as demure and diplomatic as NanaGG, but she's done that for me, so now I really have to say this: yes, diabetes and aging in general effect each of us differently, and therefore can, absolutely, be the cause of decreased sex-drive or ability to perform, but there is also a more common factor, regardless of health status of either partner... which is sensing the distancing and disapproval of one's partner. From your post it seems that an active sex-life is very important to you, so if you knew that this man did not have a similar sex-drive, why did you marry him? Diabetes absolutely can decrease erectile function (regardless of blood sugar control, over time) and desire (generally due to poor blood sugar control), but even an inability to get an erection does not equate with a lack of desire... Another, less pleasant, thought... are you sure *he* wants a child? If he truly, even secretly, doesn't want a child, that would explain a lot. Or, if he's feeling pressured to "perform" and already has a decreased sex-drive, that would only drive his level of desire even lower.
But... If you *both* truly want a child and he isn't able to provide the raw materials to do so... well, there are other ways... and if you married this man because you love him and feel a life-long partnership with him, then that is what really matters. You could adopt, you could foster; if having *his* child is of ultimate importance, there are ways a medical professional can non-sexually combine his sperm and your egg.
If the problem is really centered around your sex life, then you need to talk to him about it. There are a LOT of activities that a married couple can do to provide each other sensual pleasure that don't require an erection to be present.
Bottom line, if you married him for any other reason or expectation other than mutual love, then do the favor for both him and yourself by getting out now. If you do truly love him, and he truly does love you, then accept that a marriage requires work and nurturing and understanding and compromise and move boldly forward.
My husband became diebetic and we went to classes offered at a medical blg. by us, insurance paid for them (4). In that class was a man who had a low sex drive and his former wife did not believe that it could be from the diabeties. The instructor did confirm that for many, not all, diabetics this does happen. It can be a part of the disease, and they need to know that they aren't making this happen. They need the love and support of their spouse and not made to feel guilty. They should talk to their dr., hopefully their dr. is informed on this, if not they need to find someone that does have the correct information that can help him. This also happened to a women I know, her husband left her, she was devistated that although difficult, she meant that little to him.
This can be difficult, but he did not chose this, like anything else, cancer, ms, etc etc makes no difference. Commitment to one another, love and support,and try to find a middle ground. My sex drive was always more than my husbands, not easy, but
proud that I kept myself in self control, and proud that love superseeds sex. He could have been paralized.There is someone who would be thrilled with a few times a month. Count your blessings and stay active - love him through - the hardest thing for a man is to feel he can't take care of his wife. Develop your relationship with each other and find pleasure and enjoyment in other things. Good Luck- I know it's hard but it will be worth it. nanaGG
This can be difficult, but he did not chose this, like anything else, cancer, ms, etc etc makes no difference. Commitment to one another, love and support,and try to find a middle ground. My sex drive was always more than my husbands, not easy, but
proud that I kept myself in self control, and proud that love superseeds sex. He could have been paralized.There is someone who would be thrilled with a few times a month. Count your blessings and stay active - love him through - the hardest thing for a man is to feel he can't take care of his wife. Develop your relationship with each other and find pleasure and enjoyment in other things. Good Luck- I know it's hard but it will be worth it. nanaGG
Keven is mostly right in saying you shouldn't put the blame on diabetes. However, one side effect is low sex drive. Don't you watch TV and see the ads for male impotency? Does Viagra or Enzyte ring a bell? I don't need it but they claim to put the giddyup in ones pony. Ask a doctor for a scrip.
Generally, it is not true. However one of the side effects of sugar levels that are too high is lack of energy in general. Him having tighter control of his sugar levels may have an improvement. Sounds like a marriage counselor should be consulted. Blaming the diabetes is probably just putting blame somewhere it should not be.
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