marijuana conflict

[LovinLife]

I am wondering if anyone has experience with dating someone who smokes marijuana regularly?  Smoking marijuana is not unusual, but the conflict/problem I do not smoke marijuana and have no interest in doing so.  My boyfriend  smokes a lot, and has friends that smoke regularly, and I wonder how our lifestyles would fit together, with him smoking and me not smoking.  None of my friends smoke either, so there is a difference in the group of friends we have.  I  am a bit of a health "nut", so I don't see myself ever starting at all.   He doesn't seem to have any problems of anger or any ill effects from the smoking, so for him it works and he is happy.   He says he will phase out the smoking when I am around, but I am wondering if anyone else has had this issue in relationships?  At the moment, we aren't together as I made a big deal out of whether I would be happy with someone who smoked (and whose circles of friends smoke)..

Anyone?

[overopiates]

I hate the effects of pot and I'm married to a daily smoker4years now and we r great.Im a stay at home mom of a2year old he runs his own business.Pot has never been an issue.He is quitting simply because as a dad he realizes even though he never smokes around our child he is getting older doesn't want to b the "Pot smoking dad".It just simply depends on whether its something they do or there whole life.

[NMLB36]

I have been dating a weed smoker for the past 7 years and yes he has been smoking weed and cigs through the entire relationship. I don't smoke anything he does, I accept his choice and he respects mine. All of a sudden last month he asked me if I would marry him, not exactly a proposal, but seriously considering. We have always had a great sex life, except for this month. He came too quickly or got weak during intercourse, now I'm wondering if it is because he smokes weed more since he got his medical marijuana card or because he has been smoking at least 2 times a day for about nine years or if it is because of the almost engagement?????? If I accuse the pot he will be defensive so I’m researching and asking others. Please help.

[H35]

I have been with a pot smoker for better than 7 years. When we first got together, he lied about it. I never drink and I don't smoke--anything. In the first few months we were together, he spent the majority of his time at my house. Because I wasn't aware of his drug use (and would not endorse it had I known), he didn't do it when he was with me. Then I found out. Unfortunately, I was a few years into the relationship, really cared for him, and felt as if I needed to try to accept it if I wanted to keep the relationship at all. Once he "got the green light," everything was different. I noticed big changes from when he was not using to when he was using. When he did it, his motivation and energy level DID noticeably drop. He lost interest in me, in sex with me, in just doing anything other than sitting in front of the TV. I also found it annoying how he would ask me the same question 2-3 times and forget the answer in a very short period of time. So I decided to do a little research on the effects of marijuana on the human body. Not good. I found out that prolonged usage really does diminish the brain's long term memory capabilities. Permanently. I also found out that inhaling the smoke is exponentially more harmful than a cigarette's smoke (possibly because of the filter a cigarette has). And although it doesn't have the same effects as alcohol, it does impair judgment and coordination in much the same way. It isn't as addictive as, say, heroin. Not by a long shot. But the effects one feels when on it (like a steroid user for instance) are addictive...the user gets addicted to the feeling, in other words.
All this aside, it is a lifestyle choice. Just like drinking or smoking cigarettes, or overeating. Smoking pot is a choice. Does it make a person "bad" or "good?" No. But the inherent health risks and "annoying" personality changes (temporary or otherwise) that go along with the use of pot really are not a good thing. And when you are a non-user (like me), it is very difficult to understand the draw of it. It isn't necessary, it isn't good for you, and it causes strife in some relationships. At the very core of the strife is this--one lifestyle doesn't line up with the other's. And that's a fundamental difference big enough so that the relationship probably won't work.
As for myself, I find a hard time looking at my significant other as a drug user (let's call a spade a spade..marijuana is a drug) and saying I'm proud to be with someone who engages in that. Or, if we had kids...is this someone I want as a role model to my children? Someone who uses an illegal, psychotropic substance--for WHATEVER reason? Someone who has an addiction, even if it is just mental? My answer is no. Opinions will vary but my opinion is that there are a million different and HEALTHIER things a person can engage in (i.e. exercise--ever heard of a runner's high?) to "take the edge off" or to "escape" or to "relax."
You can't change a person. And if the person you are with truly enjoys pot, despite the health risks, it is unlikely that person will quit (unless they get throat cancer--which did happen to a pot smoker I know and yes, he was told it was from the increased carcinogens from the pot smoke). Let those people take the risks on their own--while you move on to a relationship with a more like-minded person.

[Skydiver78]

Okay, while I realize this thread was started over two years ago, it definitely is relevant at anytime.  I just broke up with my boyfriend (he actually left me because he just "couldn't be in a relationship) but he is definitely described here in what most of the pro leaving your boy people are saying.  He definitely seems "vacant" in a way.  Sometimes, he will smoke more than those little dugouts that self-righteous PhD gal was tootin about (or guy - whatever, doesn't matter).  So, the amount makes a difference and also the way the brain chemistry reacts.  Also how LONG they have been doing it.  He's 41 and has been doing this since he was 14 or 15.  The brain is still developing until they are 25 so if this person who was going on and on about how it has to do with you being a loser vs. a winner, uh yes AND no.  It's not always either or in any case, so clearly there are detailed variables to consider.  Do they already have a psychosis (quite a few of us do) where pot would aggravate it.  Do they have a mental or emotional issue?  Then, the other item to this is the fact that they can operate one way out in the world (my ex is a successful self-employed person, who has hundreds of clients) but that still doesn't mean he is on point in ways that non-stoners are.  Especially in the romance, ambition department.  And the connection is lost.  When you smoke you do pretty much zone out -  I know, I smoke.  But depending on the person, it can be a pretty bad state of affairs.  And since I hear my story in 90% of the stories here, I'd have to say it is more the norm than the exception.  And I am a healthy person that has been influenced poorly.  Anyone that needs to alter their consciesness and their reality that much - don't expect to be able to connect to your partner in any real way.  Not when you've checked out.  Give me a break.  Yeah, keep walking sister.  Keep walking.  I was SAVED.  I'm GLAD it didn't work out.  Seriously.  If a person wants to be a lone wolf, then yeah, pot works.  But if they want to deal with life as an interdependent unit?  Forget about it!  I don't buy it.  Haven't seen it work out yet (and I know people).

[missholtzy]

Ok we'll I've been dating my partner of 2 years I don't smoke I just choose not to.  And we've ived together for. 2 years n honestly the smoking dnt bother me I let I'm do that. On the condition tht he leaves time for me also. Honestly I wish he didn't smoke pot but I'm not gunna tell him he can't his old enough to do wht he wants. I love my partner dearly so to save conflict I allow him to have the freedom to do that: ) that's just my opinion. (Allow him to do it but make sure he gives u attention too.)

[evergreen19]

I used to date a guy who smoked pot alllll the time. Don't get me wrong, I have smoked and have no issues with it, so it wasn't really a big deal to me at first. But eventually it got kind of exhausting.. We'd go out to a movie and he'd want to get high before it.. When I said no or said he could do it alone, he'd get all mopy and make me do it with him. It's not like I'm against doing it or anything but I just seriously don't care enough about weed to do it that frequently. His friends weren't even big stoners or anything like that, and to be honest it didn't seem like he got too high or anything, but it was him constantly wanting to do it that drove me crazy. It's not the reason I broke up with him but it's definitely one of the things I'm happy to have gotten away from.

Given that you have no intention to ever smoke, I feel as though you two may not be a great match.. I know how uncomfortable it made me to be around all the time and I'm not against smoking.. I think it'd be hard to really relate to him and get to know his friends without sharing the experience. Especially since you're a health nut, it's kind of shocking that you have started dating this boy to begin with!