Between dog and husband

[NANA1221]

I had my maltese/american eskimo dog since she was a month old, my husband and I have a son, our son will be 25 yrs old.  My husband been away for 25 yrs incarserated, we always been best friends, husband and wife and the parents of our son.  He's always been very supported in everything I been threw.  Its hard to understand our relationship, but its been a good one,  My dog, has been my support while my husband was away, she sleep with me, she is a inhouse dog, I kept her clean, and she is very close to me, she follows me everywhere.  My husband home now, and although he helps me alot, he walks her everyday, he pays attention to her, but he has so many rules, she's not allow on the bed, soft etc,  she can't go upstairs like she use to, my dog senses all the changes and she looks sad.  He works on weekends in a different city, so he stays with his brother on the weekends, when he's gone Necee my dog, is all excited plans and she's back to her old self, when he comes home she goes under the table or on her bed. Thats our only argument is my dog Necee, otherwise, we get along great.  I had Necee for 10 yrs I just can't take everything away from her cause he's home now, but I love my Husband all the same.

[sk123]

My boyfriend sometimes feels like I choose my dog over him. And I swear that on our first date, we discussed whether or not the dog can sleep on the bed (he says no, I say yes).

I agree with all the advice given here, especially that you have to agree on the rules so your dog knows the rules. I think part of being with your husband again is negotiating your lifestyle and compromising to find something that works for both of you, and that includes your dog. Good luck and keep us posted.

[lindapalm]

Even if you disagree with your husbands rules, I would still follow them on weekends, for the sake of your dog.  Your dog has no idea whats going on, and shouldn't have different rules on different days, its too hard for them to understand.  Keep working on your husband to lighten up a little on some of the rules,like maybe she can go upstairs if she doesn't get on the bed, etc.  Good Luck.

[ginger899]

Maybe it's a little bit of guilt at leaving you alone so long? He loves you and probably is very upset deep down about what happened, and you waiting that long time for him. In a way he senses that Necee has been the companion and loved one to you that he would have liked to have been this past 10 years. Maybe it upsets him somehow. Necee is like family to you -not just a dog. I agree with Jaybay that communication between you can count for a lot.
She's like your little sister to you no doubt (that's how I feel about my dog too) Dogs are such wonderful company and friends to have. See how he feels about having her bed in your room at night time? She would adapt to that, as she will have to learn to adapt to your husband now being another of her 'leaders' as well as you.
It does depend a lot on how used he is to dogs. Did he have a dog as a kid?
I do hope your little family works things out OK. I think, as time goes by and all the new changes become routine, things will smooth out hopefully. I wish you all well for the future.

[NANA1221]

Thank you for your advise, I have tried to talk to him about it, but he feels I'm chosing Necee over him.  I will suggest the Petsmart training to him.  I appreciate your advise.

[Jaybay]

Have you talked to your husband about this?  The home is yours too, and you both need to be on the same page as to what rules will be enforced where Necee is concerned.  Discipline for a dog is no different than it is for a child.  It only works if both parents agree on it.  

I'm not worried about the new bed arrangement.  Necee can be trained to have a new bed.  Get her a nice soft pillow or even fold up an old comforter.  It would be be a lot easier if your husband would allow her bed to be in your bedroom.  What is his specific objection to that?

What concerns me more is how Necee is reacting to your husband by hiding under the table.  How does he treat her generally around the house and on walks?  How does he enforce the house rules?  He may need some training of his own to learn how to effectively communicate with her.  Pet stores like Petco and Petsmart offer training at very affordable prices.  It would be great for Necee and your husband to do this together.  His methods of enforcing his rules are only bringing about fear, and that's a recipe for disaster down the road.