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2095142 tn?1333233200

Dreams comimg too late?

Today I dreamed of Tracy for the first time I remember since her passing last April 1. in the dream we were at the vet office (some vet I do not recognize) I was holding her and she was having a heart attack and seisures, then she was fine like nothing happened and she was her old self. Thats all I can remember and I usually do not remember my dreams little after awaken. I try to make some sense of it; maybe she is telling me by this dream that after her passing even so horrific to just have to go, she is ok?
I was very sad right after I woke up and was glued to bed just like on morning after I have put her down the night before; it took me a while to get the strenghts to get up; I was upset because it was morning and I wanted to stay in that dream a little longer as I was with her there and I couldnt sense she was gone; it was like wht would have happenned if she would kept alive and not put down? really dont know.
I was hugging Tracy in her gurney in her last moments, as the vet was pushing the drugs in; I was whispering in her ear and carising her so she knew I was there too, I will never forget minutes before that how she tried to lift her head looking at me; I was not in very good shape emotionally and she felt it, but I held her all the way; for that, I was very lucky and for having her too for 10 years with not vet problems of any kind; she was a champ, strong, even in the last stages I will always remember how Tracy would try to please me rubbing her head with her paws when I baby talked to her. If I will decide to have another dog, as I do have small childrens and they do want a pet, I would keep those bloodwork; maybe every six months? I hear pet smart has a plan one pays like 14 or 20 per month and with that I guess it would not be too difficult to get regular checkups; Tracy had no insurance after she was over 2 years and she really never went to the vet sick; only once with stomach problems and her regular shots which after 3 or 4 years old, I completelly skipped, as she was incapable of biting on her own. I hear some of the shots are bad news for them anyways. I blame myself a lot today for not have given her proper care as far as spend more in vets visits but I was truly bless she last for 10 years even with my lack of med care. I think I am paying for my mistake not having her right now and if she would have have proper care she could still be around the house for maybe another 3 years? I look now in her favorite places and still see her there; fell her presence when i come back from work; still change her water bowl with fresh water and her bed is by my side of the bed still.
Her passing still last in my memory and just hope the good time would replace it and last even longer; for ever.
The grieves goes on for the time being. I hope I get ome more dreams; I like to think we get messages on those dreams and I hope it is not only our conciense talking to us.
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2095142 tn?1333233200
Thanks for sharing that dream Connie; it sounded like you had some more time than me with Tracy in your dream with TwoBits. You are right, even if in a dream, I feel blessed at least with the possibility of seing her there. My wife and I had a bad argument today about where each one of us stands with our responsabilities; it is one of those arguments that all marriage go through from time to time; they are bad and always stupid but this time she said something about Tracy and how she perceived always that i love the dog more than her; she insulted her very memory, asked mee for the money she loaned for her vet visit and burial back; after i told her looking into her eyes that is why she would never come close to that dog and tried to make her see how she is trying to hurt me disregarding my grieve or its importance, i just pointed the difference of her selfishness, compared to what i received from Tracy for 10 years; inconditional love; I dont know how much i am hurting her with this comments but I can tell you she did hurted me bad with hers; i left the house went out to try and let time and silence and solitude calm me down; i went to the movies and right after I stayed in my car in a parking lot where I fall asslep for some while and dreamt of Tracy again; this time Tracy was in between our argument there waving her tail looking at my wife; i dont know what this one means as i am not near to be a psychoanalist (obviously!) but I was very sad, I then drove home and here i am writing about this. I dont know what to wish from what just happenned; I had not too much support, still not much from the person that i have done nothing but support her the best i can; the argument was more of it about support precicely. I can tell you I wished I could just had vanished together with Tracy; if it wasnt because of my two little girls; I have done my dog so many wrongs just to make my wife right many times; oh man how much it hurts, knowing she is death and we are not making her justice; I feel now indiferent and dont think we will speak for some time; and I fear myself when i get indiferent because i know it is my way of letting go for real; all because a dog? well, there are more than that; there is a saying when we are in difficult moments, those around us, friends or family show their true colors; so far i have only seen grey from her at this time, even when it was her iniciative to come up with the money for Tracy's only vet visit and bloodwork and for the funeral expense. One more reason I get very scare to bring another dog in the house, at least one that would be mine as direct owner. I just hope and pray karma does not get her someday with me near; it would be a not very nice situation and I have words I know when i use them, they cut worst than blade, deep inside; not bad words, the more gentle ones and i am a master of recreating a situation with good examples with sme actions I have received. I was educated this way double by my own mother and my speciality music teacher. i think I should leave all to karma; that would be enough. My dreams with Tracy will continue I am sure; hope she can tell me and reasure me she is alright and hope i can find the courage to forgive the insults my wife keeps throwing at my situation just with the intention to hurt; it most be very sad to be a person like that after all; and for that i am sorry for her. My dog will always be in a place in my heart that not human being could fill; not my mother, or my dauthers even i love them very much and certainly not any person who shows having a soul like my wife does.
The last thing we need in our greiving process is for our faithful friends is anyone trying to undermine that special relationship. i dont know if there is enough forgiveness for those actions, but i do know even though our pets forgive all of us, tells us in our dreams and we should all learn from them.
"you would be a whole person, so would i, the day we could learn to show love the way Tracy did with me and with you, for this creature to deserve your insults, it is a little too much for me to take right now"
Those were the words i said as i was leaving today and people wonder what is so special in a owner-pet relationship.
A poet once said for a man to be whole he/she needs to have a child/family, educate another and plant a tree; i would like to add; and to learn love the right way, from an animal
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675347 tn?1365460645
COMMUNITY LEADER
What a frigtening dream. I can understand why you are upset about it. Why couldn't you have had a peaceful dream of TwoBits happy in green fields, beyond the Bridge? I bet that's what's going through your mind?

What does it mean?
This is my guess....Somehow you are blaming yourself for her death. That you made a mistake, did something wrong (I bet you didn't...but you still will blame yourself because you were her Protector, and you couldn't protect her against Death.
She showed you she fell a terrible long way, into treacherous fast flowing boulder-strewn water...and yet she didn't die! She had her head above water! She was carried along on that terrible force of Nature (the river of time, of life, of eventual death?) she was carried along, and you were terrified.....but she didn't die! Did she? She continued on that "ever-flowing stream" in the arms of Mother Nature, YOU were afraid, but she was not annihilated.

And maybe she isn't......
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1832268 tn?1326816010
Hi Rody...
I know how you feel about your dreams. It is so important for us to still see our dogs, even if it is only in our dreams. Everynight I go to bed, and hope that I will dream about my dogs who have passed.  Needless to say, it is very rare that I do, and when it does happen, it makes me sad and confused, but at the same time, it also makes me happy that I could see and be with them again. It has been 7 months since Twobits passed, and I have only seen her in my dreams about 3 times. As soon as she appears in one of my dreams, I wake up...!  Then, I am so disappointed with myself, because I feel like I blew my chance to spend some time with her.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream about TwoBits.
In the dream, it was a gloomy evening. My husband and I were trying to cross a bridge that had been broken, due to a torrential rain that caused a flood. The broken bridge was our only way to get over this dangerous, muddy and swiftly moving river. I turned and looked behind me, and saw that Twobits was following me. ( just like she always did )  Her footing was uncertain,and  I could tell that she was having difficulty walking on the stringer of the bridge.  I felt that her best hope of making it across, would be for me to pick her up and carry her.  I bent down to pick her up, and just as my hand touched her, she fell off the bridge into the raging river below. I watched in horror knowing how frightened she must have been, as she was falling and plummeted into the river. My heart stopped...at that moment I didn't know if she fell because of her footing,, or if, by trying to pick her up, I had accidently caused her to fall. I couldn't help but wonder if she would have made it across that bridge, if I would have just left her alone..and not tried to help.
I wanted to jump off the bridge to try and save her, but I knew I would most likely not survive the fall. The water below the river was full of boulders and debris.
Twobits hit the water and survived, as she was headed down the river, I could see her head above the water, I hollered to my husband that I had to go look for Twobits and try to save her. I scrambled off the bridge and as I descended down the steep bank, I had to hang onto trees and shrubbery. As I made my way through the thick brush, I was in a panic!  How will I get to her in time to save her...!  The river was moving so fast, and I was moving so slow.
I kept moving forward as quickly as I could, pushing branches out of my way. As I fought my way down the rough terrain, and thick forest in front of me, I was determined that NOTHING would stop me from finding her. I also KNEW that I would get to the edge of the river, and when I did,  I would see her there swimming towards me, and I would be able to scoop her up into my arms. Yes, I KNEW I would get there no matter how long it took me, and I KNEW  when I did get there, I would see her.
But...I woke up, before I had a chance to make it to the edge of the river.
The dream made me feel so bad...It made me wonder if I had caused her to fall to her death. Why did I have to wake up before I had a chance to save her, and once again hold her in my arms...?  I laid in bed, wanting so desperately to fall back to sleep, so I could continue the dream and save her. But I did not fall back to sleep. And I have not had a dream of her since.
I have thought about this dream many times.  Tears are streaming down my face even now, as I write about it. But.even though the dream is upsetting to me, no matter what the circumstance was, I was glad that I got to "see her again" even if it was only for a moment.

So What does this dream mean....?
There are many ways that I can interpret this dream.
Since I couldn't save her in this physical world, can I redeem myself by saving her in a Spiritual Dream world...?  Do I even need to redeem myself..?
Or does it mean that She is trying to tell me that No matter how she ended up in the river, she was not meant to cross that bridge with me..and there is nothing I could have done to stop that fall?
Maybe I can't save her in the dream world, anymore than I could have saved her in the physical world...?

Rody, someday we will be with our dogs again. In the meantime, if the dream world is the only place I can spend time with Twobits, I will take that time, good or bad. Just like I did when she was here. But, Even in the dream world, I would not want her to suffer....I guess that's why I woke up. I knew the longer it would have taken me to get to the edge of the river, the longer she would have had to remain in it. I knew if I woke up, I could stop the river, and her struggle in it.

I am sure this dream has many messages, and means many things.
However, Whenever I think about this dream, there is one underlying message that gives me hope. It was the final thoughts in my dream...
My thoughts were...I KNOW I will make it over the rough terrain and through any obstacles that get in my way...and when I do.
The message is... She will be there, unharmed, waiting for me to scoop her up into my arms.

So, anyway....that's what my dream was. I sure hope the next dream I have about her is a happier one....!  I think the only way that is going to happen is when I can  think more about her living, than I do about her dying. I know this is what I have to do. I have to FORCE myself to change my way of thinking, so I can Celebrate her life. Both here and in the Spirit world.

Connie









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2095142 tn?1333233200
Thank you both for the conforting words and for your support; I have had the urge to go visit a pet store or the humane sociaty; i think i am feeling the urge to just get another dog; so it can help me with my griving for her; it would be grat for my kids but i am not sure how it would play out for me; i think maybe i should let my 7 year old decide; she wants a pet so bad so my 5 year old; but i know they are no near ready for one yet; they need to learn more responsability and I feel ashamed because i wouldnt be a good teacher as far as pet is concerned; i have learned a little with Tracy sudden departure but i am not sure I am ready; i see myself going there and falling again for a little helpless puppy. After grieving Tracy for the first week, when I went back to work, i had to go to a costumer home where they run their business from and they both were pet owners; they have this 15 years old chihuahua named Charlie; this little guy would not stop bringing me his little tennis ball for me to throw away so he could retrieve for me again; over and over for the time of my visit i had to split the work time with playing along or he just would talk me into paying him attention; his owner showed me how this dog knew about angles, changing the position of her feet and the dog will point the oposite way; all the time I was amazed and felt as "at peace" as with Tracy; needless to say when I left their house i have to recoup as i espended good 10 15 minutews crying in my truck before i could even turn theignition on...this was the kind of event i prayed for not to happen for a while and it happenned the day i was back after a week she was gone. Thinking back, I guess it happenned for a reason, maybe to show me that i am not done loving animals and that i should indeed take onto another one; this costumer after knowing what had just happened to Tracy, he advised to rescue one from the humane sociaty, as they did with charlie who is indeed their "children"
I am also waiting maybe for Tracy's opinion in the matter and hope not to dream of it just because my heart might wish it but because she actually consents it. So far i had only that one dream; what it meant i am not clear but I do know she does exist in that other plane we talk about here; she is there on her own or with the others; i couldnt see any other animals. I feel like i do not want to betray the love i had for her loving another pet, which, if coming to my life one way or another i know that is exactly what is going to happen.
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441382 tn?1452810569
Ginger is right.  I firmly believe that there is most definitely SOMETHING that comes after we leave this plane of existence.  I have had too many experiences to believe otherwise.!

Our Soul is our very being.  It is energy.  And simple physics tells us that energy CANNOT die, it can only change form.  When the corporeal body that we inhabit during our time on Earth can no longer go on, the Soul must go somewhere because that energy cannot die even though the body it was in has stopped working.

I also COMPLETELY agree with Ginger that NOTHING you could have done differently would have changed the outcome of what happened.  Our pets all descended from wild animals.  Instinct is an amazing thing, and no matter how long a species has been domesticated, instincts remain.  For animals, to show ANY sign of illness or pain is to mark themselves as weak or sick, and in the wild, to show any signs of weakness or sickness marks one as prey.  Therefore, they will hide any signs of illness, many times until they are so sick they just can't hide it any more.  It is often the case that by the time an owner realizes that their beloved pet is ill it is too late to help them because they have done such a great job of hiding the problem.  You would have had to watch Tracy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, kept a journal of her every move and breath, and done nothing at ALL but chronicle her life to have been able to see the VERY subtle signs of the early onset of disease.  It is humanly impossible!  And while we would all love for our pets to live as long as we do, the truth is that large dogs have an average lifespan of 10 years.  True, there are those who live longer but there are just as many who don't live even that long.  Ten years is the average for a large breed dog.  Small breeds have an average lifespan of about 12 years, toy breeds can go to about 15, and giant breeds (like Great Danes, Irish Wolfhounds) have an average of only about 7 years because of the strain that propelling that giant body puts on their hearts.  So you can in no way say that you were responsible for cutting Tracy's life short in any way because she had already reached the age when most of her breed fall victim to any number of illnesses that take them from us.

Ginger also brought up the fact that recent veterinary research has discovered that it not necessarily beneficial to provide yearly vaccinations.  There is just NO science to support the belief that yearly vaccinations are beneficial to animals.  There IS, however, science to support that they can be detrimental.

I can absolutely understand how you feel right now.  But PLEASE believe us when we say that nothing you did or did not do affected the way things turned out.  It is very obvious how very much you loved Tracy and unless you had the powers of God Himself there was nothing you could have done to save her.  

It is my wish for you that you are able to find peace within yourself and can resolve this in your own heart and be able to remember Tracy with smiles instead of tears.  You WILL see her again someday, and if she has to come to you in your dreams for the time being to let you know that she is fine then that is how she will do it.  When she brings you a message while you are sleeping, enjoy the visit.

Ghilly

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675347 tn?1365460645
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dreams are strange things. There are so many different types of dreams, some are deep-meaning, some are mystical, informing us of other realities, and some are products of our wishes, hopes, fears, and some make not much sense at all!
Either your dream about her was a deep wish-fulfilment (that she hadn't died, and was better again)....or....it was indeed information about the continuation of a Soul beyond this World.
Listen to your dreams. Look forward to them. You may well meet her again. Don't be sad when you wake up, carry on with the day, and look forward to the dreams where you might -just sometimes -get spiritual information about how her Soul is now. If you get strongly impressed you truly have seen or heard something about her, then that is such a great blessing.

You know, I honestly don't think your lack of vet visits would have made too much difference to her eventual Kidney Failure. It is even possible TOO many drugs, interventions, vaccines etc would have even contributed to the kidney failure and could possibly have brought it on earlier. (As all toxins get eventually filtered out of the blood through the kidneys)
If she always seemed quite well and OK then there was probably no cause for you to take her to the vet (except for anything obvious of course, or her shots. And you're right. Yearly shots are not necessary. Titer testing is better, to see what immunity is already present, as after immunisation, immunity to many diseases remains for sometimes years. Yearly shots can be harmful and definitely overload the system.

The only thing you probably missed (and believe me, many people would miss!) -were the very very early stages of her kidney failure, when maybe she started taking on just that little bit more water, and peeing more often. At THAT stage, yes, maybe something could have been done to prolong her life and stabilize kidney function. But even then she would only have had about 25% of kidney function remaining! And some dogs do less well than others even with immediate early treatment. They all respond differently to the drugs and the diet.
But to miss those early stages is very easy. We don't necessarily watch every drop our dogs drink. What we do is fill their water bowls, and then re-fill them when they are starting to look empty. If they drink more we think "they are just thirsty"....or "they had a good run-around today" etc.
And neither do we watch carefully every time our dogs take a pee! We usually don't.
So please don't upset yourself about those things.
When your Tracy's kidney failure was discovered, it was already late-stage (which is when many kidney failures are first diagnosed!) I honestly don't think that was your fault. Remember -dogs often don't show any symptoms of illness AT ALL until the final stages when the kidneys are already starting to shut down. And from then on there really is no hope. No cure. The only treatment is palliative treatment of symptoms which sometmes can work well for a while...and someimes doesn't.

I am quite a level-headed person, but have had numerous experiences which have shown me something indeed may lie beyond this life. And I do feel that dreams are when the gateways open and we can be shown glimpses of other realities. Not all dreams....but some.
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