Hemangiosarcoma- nearing the end, help

[missyxoxo]

My baby girl was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma almost 6 weeks ago.  They found the mass on her spleen during an ultrasound.  She had some minor issues that the first vet diagnosed as IBS but due to her breed and age (she turned 12 this week) I was being paranoid and just wanted to be sure she was cancer-free since some of the symptoms are the same.  I did NOT expect to find anything, was just being cautious... but I was wrong.  She had an emergency surgery the next day and they removed the tumour and her spleen.  They said I had caught it early and it hadn't spread yet.  After the surgery she was in great spirits... playing and running like a puppy again.  Her appetite was huge and energy level top notch.  She started chemo 2 weeks later and tolerated it well.  I had done a boat load of research and had her on a ton of natural supplements that were supposedly great at fighting cancer and although I'm a vegetarian of 21 years that will not cook meat, started home cooking her a 100% organic, cancer fighting diet.  I felt I was fighting it from every angle... holistic, western medicine, diet... I stupidly thought we were going to beat the odds and we would have at least another good year together left.

Yesterday, the day after her 12th birthday, Missy went in for her 2nd round of chemo.  Her bloodwork showed a great drop in red blood cells that indicated the cancer had spread, which an ultrasound confirmed.  It has spread to her liver and heart and there was fluid building up around her heart.  This all happened just 5 weeks after surgery.  I know it is an aggressive, untreatable cancer but I thought we had more time.  

I don't know what to do now.  I will never let her suffer for my own selfishness but her quality of life still seems very good.  She still prances on her way out for walks or car rides and her appetite is as big as ever.  I had the fluid around her heart drained to buy us a little more time.  I'm killing myself because I haven't spent the quality time with her the last month that I wanted because I've been working so much to pay these vet bills (over $10 000... and I'm a waitress...)  I've never had a furry family member die naturally and have always made the heartbreaking decision to end their suffering when it's time... what is hard for me with this is I don't know if I'll know when it's time with her.  She doesn't even seem sick but I know she is dying.  They say she only has a few weeks left, tops.  When do I know?  The usual when she stops eating or collapses?  I'm trying to take a week off work and take her to my friend's cabin for a few nights.  Feeding her cheeseburgers and filet mignon every day.  I know no one can tell me how long we have, but anyone that has had a dog with hemangio, what was your experience after the cancer had spread?  I'm not ready for this.  She is my BABY if I could give her years of my own life, I would.   I was told with chemo we would have 4-6 months but it hasn't even been 2.

I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt.  I can't stop thinking about what I could have done differently.  That one extra herb or supplement I was going to add to the 10 others I've been giving her but never got... would that have made a difference?  I also run a non profit dog rescue (pull dogs from high kill shelters, about 50 a year) but all that time and energy I've spent saving other dogs took away from my time with her.  I can't think about everything I've done right I'm focused on what I could have done differently.  I just need help making the right choices for her now because I can't even think straight.  I've worked in rescue since I was a little girl and have seen many dogs full of cancer.  She doesn't seem like that.  People at the dog park are always shocked to hear she's 12, let alone dying.  When will I know it's time, how long do we have... has anyone had their dog live longer than a month (with good quality of life) after it has spread?  She's a golden retriever.

[skydnsr]

I'm sorry for your dog's illness.  A frequent cause of death for dogs with hemangiosarcoma is internal hemorrhaging.  Once that starts, things progress very quickly.  It appears to be a painless way to die.  The dog passes out and simply never recovers consciousness.  It may happen suddenly or even during sleep.  If the disease goes a different way for your dog, she will let you know if she is uncomfortable, and then you can make a different decision.  So I think you're covered, either way.  If she goes easily and peacefully, no euthanasia is necessary, and if she gets ill or uncomfortable, you will know, and you can help her out.  

Dogs with hemangiosarcoma do not usually live very long after diagnosis;  I would think a few weeks is probably average, and many dogs with this disease simply drop dead from it without having exhibited any signs or symptoms.   Rarely is the disease actively treated, because of the expense of treatment combined with the low probability of cure.  So in wondering how long your dog may live, you are in uncharted waters, so to speak.  I think it's really impossible to say exactly how long she has.  She could have days or weeks left,  but with metastases to the liver and heart, perhaps she does not have months.  

When a close family member of mine was dying, and I was in a similar situation of wanting to know "how long," a friend of mine gave me some wisdom.  She said, "the going out is like the coming in:  you know it's going to happen, but you don't know the day.  All you can do is wait for nature to take its course."  And that's true.  You can't control either birth or death, and you can't predict either one of them with any great precision.  All you can do is to treasure each day as it comes.

Peace to you.

[Margot49]

You can't possibly have any feelings of guilt.  You have certainly gone above and beyond what many of us could have or would have done!  None of us, man or beast, knows how much time we have on this earth.  Don't we all wish our beloved pets could be with us forever.
I am heartened to read you would not let her suffer.  As I have said many times in these forums, fir me, it comes down to a quality of life issue.  Years ago, I had a Dixie with aggressive mammary cancer (no fancy cancer treatments available in those days). She was my "heart" dog and I put her through surgery twice as I could not bring myself to let her go.  I sat and held her one night listening to her heavy breathing and knew she was suffering and there was nothing I could do.  I made the decision to take her to my Vet the next day.  She passed that night. It was later I realized that I had let her suffer too long and swore I would never let one of my animals suffer like that again.  As someone told me once, letting them go peacefully is often the last act of love we can do for them.  I have since had to make that decision more times then I would have liked to but I akways remember those words.
My most recent experience was with a 12+ year old Greyhound we adopted. We used to help with Greyhound Rescue.  He was diagnosed with Lymphoma which can spread rapidly too.  There were a couple of treatment options I duscussed with a Vet friend of mine in another State.  Chances were, it might give him another year but there were side effects.  Like you, he was not in pain, enjoyed his twice daily walks and being a couch potato.  Like you, I researched, changed his diet, added supplements, contacted Dr. didds, etc.  he lived another 6 months but they were happy ones here at home. He loved "shopping" at PetsMart, where everyone knew him, so we made extra trips.  Eventually, the gland in his neck got so large I could see he was uncomfortable.  His breathing was getting more labored so the Cancer had spread.  When he did not want to get up to go for a walk, I knew it was time to say good-bye.  My Vet really is wonderful in these situations.  I took our dog in at the end of a day, it was quiet at the clinic and I sat on the floor with him as he passed peacefully.  Never gets any easier and I have shed many tears.  
So, I am sure you will know when it is time.  Every dog should have the living home you have given Missy.  
Hugs and bless you for doing rescue.