I feel that I will someday pay for spending food from the world, and also feel that I will someday have a serious problem in my body (health) because of it. IT haunts me. I feel almost doomed because of bulimia.
How is your experience?
Yes, Ive noticed that although I hide the ED NOT for suffering prejudices that may come, and because I feel really ashamed of it, the worse I feeL, and of course, paranoic.
I think that people in the streets can see through me, and see how rotten I am inside. I feel so guilty, but so guilty, that I feel that I dont deserve to be happy because of bulimia. My father one got so angry with me that he said some bad things and I got really convinced that I was a criminal and sinful.
Since then I've became feeling so guilty and in dispair that I over-analize every single and small thing about my body. Now for example, I feel a pain in my backs and I created a thousand theories to try to explain to myself what this pain is about.
Hi!
I am not sure if "normal" is the right word, but it's not uncommon I think. Have you considered reaching out for professional help? Or at least tell someone that you have eating disorder and your problems. My experience with ED is the more you try to hide it, the more paranoid and ashamed you get. I know it's hard to tell someone what you're going through, but doing it might really help you in the long run. Stay Strong. You can contact me if you want to talk :) much love