Feeling Hopeless...

[Rach878]

I am at the point where i just feel hopeless. I know i should go to a treatment center over the summer, but i seem to completly lack motivation to do anything. I  know how treatment centers work because i was in one last summer, but i relaped, and am wondering if going back to another one is just a waist of time.  I just don't feel like i have the strength emotionally or physically to get better, to sit with food in my stomach. I just feel like saying the hell with it.

[Rach878]

Thanks

[Dawns_Light]

Awesome! I wish you well, you deserve.  Just keep going forward one day at a time, you can do it and you will.  I'm here any time.  Take Care...Dawn

[Zoelula]

Good to hear it, Rach! It sounds like you have some supportive friends and some good plans for now and for after school gets out. Hang in there, girl, you'll make it!

Zoe

[Rach878]

Thanks i will totally check it out. I think i've made up my mind to go to a program. My friend and i talked a lot and i think it's best. My next step is to talk to my theripst and family, and hopefully as soon as school gets out i'll have somewhere to go, but i'll still look inot the place in boston, in the meantime or incase a program doesn't work out.
Thanks Dawn and Zoelula for your help.

[Dawns_Light]

Rach, check this place out:  ***@**** it is in Boston.  617-558-1881.  They have meetings...They could point you in the right direction as far as getting involved in some support groups.  Its a WE program.  Have a good Day. Dawn

[Dawns_Light]

You are absolutely right.  But anyone can start an A.B.A in there own town.  I was just talking with one of my friends the other day about starting one in our town.   ABA started in Canada, they are expanding nationwide.  The book is really good you can purchase it on line. Rach, check this place out:  ***@**** it is in Boston.  617-558-1881.  They have meetings...They could point you in the right direction as far as getting involved in some support groups.  Its a WE program.  Have a good Day. Dawn

[Zoelula]

I'm glad to hear that they have formed a 12 step program called ABA, Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous. When I was active in the program they only had  a couple OA meetings that were geared specifically to Anorexia and bulimia. I wonder though how common ABA meetings are around the country. You can look in the phonebook and if it is not listed, then check out OA which is in most large towns. Even though it is called Overeater's Anonymous, there are people there with all forms of eating disorders. It is a great support network and the 12-step programs are a proven way to recover, whether from Alcoholism or Eating Disorders. There are many similarities between the two, and as Dawn says, many people switch addictions, or find that one addiction worsens when the others are brought under control. I myself also abused drugs and found that speed and diet pills really "helped" me with my obsession with weight...until that is I had another problem to deal with!

[Dawns_Light]

Good Morning,  It is for Alcoholics but to understand the 12 steps people come and check it out.  You would be amazed how many people after they stop drinking began having eating disorders to stuff there feelings.  I've worked in the Bosten area for a 6 month period very seasonal....I love kayaking just me and God(my higher power)nature....sun...birds...fun....Sorry to hear about your episode of depression.   Enjoy your time with your friend.   Thought of the day:  Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes.  Take Care..Dawn

[Rach878]

Hi, i do know what AA is, but i've never heard of EPEPAW, i thought AA was only for alcholics.
Glad to here it's nice there, here it;s rainy and in the 40s. I'm an hour outside of boston. Kayaking sounds fun, i've only been once, but i thought it was a blast.
So how are you today?
I had a small bought with depression this morning which lead to a little cutting, but nothing bad. But know i feel ok. i'm spending tomarrow night at a friends, so i may or may not be on.
Hope to here from you soon
Rachel

[Dawns_Light]

Good Morning...You sound better today.  Its so Beautiful here.  I'm in California.  Its 93 and its beautiful.   I think me and my little dog sobriety may have to go kayaking today.
I am in AA, I've been sober now 3 1/2 years.  My sponsor was holder a work shop on services.  How to get into service.  Are you fimiliar with AA? they also have a group for 18-20's  called EPEPAW or something like that.  If you are interested let me know I have some friends that go and I can get you some informations. Have a great day! Dawn

[Rach878]

Thanks, i think i'll take your advice about journeling while i'm out of school. My theripist told me i better decide weather or not i'm going to  a treatment center to get the ball rolling. so maybe journaling will help me make my mind up. I'm also going to try breathing...
What kind of workshop?
I like helping other people out too.
Sorry i have to make this quick  i have to go
Thanks
Hope your days going well-Rachel

[Dawns_Light]

Good Morning Rach...So good to hear from you.  Glad to hear that yesterday was a better day.  I am so clumsey some times....and every time it leave a scar for a story to tell later.  Like the time I thought I was being cute and was running down some stairs and my knee gave out because I was so weak and my face feel right on the stairs.....nice 10 stiches later.....I'm doing good today.  I take things one day at a time.  There are no what if's for me, there are only I can's right now.  You can get better!!!!!!! period.  Have you ever journaled?  Do you like fresh air and the sun?  Go out to a park, beach, some where you can be silent and journal your thoughts, feelings, and goals while you are out of school.  You can journal in your room every night (light candles) make your room a sactuary of peace.  Do breathing:  get comfortable, close your eyes...breath in positive energy, breath out negative energy.  listen to your breathing and calm your mind.  (it takes consistancy to work)  Today I am going to support a friend at a workshop she is holding.  Sometimes I have to get out of myself and just be there for others.  You know what I mean.  Have a wonderful day....Dawn

[Rach878]

i know that what your telling me is right, every time i hear that it's either fight or die i cry a little. What if i can't fight hard enough, and i die anyway. I was suicidal for 3 years, hospitalized 7x for attempts, but now i realize how much i don't want to die. But i'm afraid that i can't get better, and i think that's what's holding me back.
I'm a bit better today. I know that i have vacation from school next week which helps because i've been feeling tired and burnt out, but this means that i can take it easy for a few days. Although today i was so tired, in Chem class i spilled a chemical called lye, on my arm and it hurt really bad. I hate being so tired that i don't know what i'm doing.
So how are you. You said it's been 15 yrs. ed free. Hats off to you. Rachel

[Dawns_Light]

Hey Rach, how is today?  I can't speak for the others but I have known enough p/b/n and myself you are not telling me anything that I havent gone through myself.  You don't have to do it on your own but it does take Action on your part.  I (WE) can't fix you.  They have chat rooms on line as well as 12 step programs.  the book for ABA is really good too.  There are a lot of us out here.   Someone once told me you can run away from yourself because where ever you go there you are.  I'm also bipolar, Alcoholic,drug abuser, and ADD.  You know what I say to all that Whatever....one thing at a time...one day or one minute at a time.  When your sick and tired you will get help our die.  Sorry to put it so bluntly but I have seen women die from this disease and it is very very heart breaking.  I'm here for you anytime. Dawn

[Rach878]

Thanks everyone. I have been evaluated by mental health professionals. I have depression, PTSD, and OCD in addition to the eating disorder. I went to a day program last summer from 9-3. I liked it there alot, but i couldn't continue treatment afterward, because my insurance wouldn't cover it. I recently started seeing an Ed Thereipist, in addition to my regular theripist.  I will look in to the 12 step program. And Dawns_Light i know what you mean about teeth. I'm only 18, yet i'm looking already at having either a root canal or one of my teeth pulled out.
I know i'm not alone, but outside of this site i don't know anyone else struggling, so sometimes i feel very lonley.
There is no one to help me get into treatment, i have to do it on my own, i just don't know. I want to get better, i just don't want to do the work to get better. Sometimes it just seems inpossible. but i will take all of your advice. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly.

[Dawns_Light]

Hi, Do I know how you feel, we all know how you feel. Don't give up.  Life is worth the fight.  Don't beat yourself up.  I was in a treatment center for 3 months and got what I got out of it...I think the worst part was getting out into the real world....what did you think?
I can give you a couple of suggestions...The first thing is do you honestly want to stop b/p?  There is a 12 Step program out there called: ABA(Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous) you can google it and there is a book you can buy that is awesome.  Talk about being able to validate your feelingsand A.B.A (Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous. This would be a beginning to a life journey.  One of the keys to success is finding a higher power.  Something that has more power than yourself it could be anything or if you have any religious beliefs.  I will leave you with this very important inf. that I wish someone would have shared with me when I was younger..I had beautiful teeth when I was your age, but because of all the b/p I now have had all my teeth pulled out and wear dentures!!! Its miserable!!!!! I would still have my teeth if I would have stopped b/p sooner.  If your ready take action.  We are here for you!!!  It has to be a WE thing.....your in my prayers Dawn

[shlee1016]

What type of treatment center were you in? You do not have to say where or anything. Was it real hospital-like? Or what was their approach. Treatment centers can be so different. Maybe it wasn't a good fit for you? After you got back, did you continue treatment? Hang in there and try to keep hope. Believe in yourself!

[Zoelula]

Rach,

You are at a low point from your disease, and it sound like you might also be suffering from Depression. Have you been evaluated by mental health personnel; ideally someone experienced with eating disorders?

I don't know you, but I'm worried about you. It sounds like you might even be feeling suicidal. It can get better. Just because you relapsed, doesn't mean you can't get recovery. I struggled with my own eating disorder for quite awhile before I finally got recovery and now have 15 years. You can do it! Please tell someone close to you, a family member or friend how you are feeling. Tell them to assist you in getting help. Until you have the motivation yourself, you need someone to walk you through the beginning steps. Please do this and let us know.
Zoe