Help

[123shaun]

I really need someone to just help please, its been since november since i last stopped myself eating and ive come along way, but im fat ugly and discusting....all the time i still have this there, looming over me and i don't know what to do. I've stopped the hole not eating thing and i started feeling more positive for a time, but now and for the past month, i just feel fat and i want to go back :( and i can feel myself giving in, i know it will happen. I know i have my strength and everytime i think about it i can feel myself sinking deeper. Its like what do i do? How do i stop thinking about it. I could be having a great day and suddenly there i am thinking about it, it happens all the time and i don't have the strength to not give in to the tempation of stopping again...any comments would be appreciated, hope im not a bother :/

[123shaun]

Thanks, sorry about hearing all that. Its just so hard and i don't know what to say or think anymore so i don't go back. I think i don't want to faint when i stand up coz im so weak and that i don't want my hair falling out or having stomach pains n the blood when being sick but at the same time that happens when im succeding and right now im not, i gotta forget or something. You are right tho it is miserable and depressing, and you only live once so you might as well live it happy and free. I have to get free from this tho and i can't see it happening when i think like this.

[Photographer4]

Hello, I'm definately no expert but I know what your feeling right now.  I too have had the same voices, but I wasn't as strong as you and I slipped back into a deadly lifestyle.  All of a sudden I remember how hard it is to break the cycle and how every day is misery. I wish I would have stayed strong but I find myself wanting recovery all over again.  Don't listen to ed, remember how weak you were all the time and how eating made you sick,  maybe all the dr.'s appointments and heart monitors, and never feeling satisfied with yourself.  It took a bad relapse to remind me of the misery and now I'm afraid to lay down at night in fear that I might not wake up and be there for my two boys and husband.  Fight what ever voice's you are hearing and talk to a professional before it takes hold of you.  Maybe a support group like OA would help.  Don't ever think that you are a bother because you ask for help.  You are worth it.
Amanda