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Self-help for Bulimia?
I have been bulimic for about a year now. I can't stop no matter how hard I try, and I've recently reached the point of binging and purging 3 times a day. I would get counseling, but I am currently teaching English in South Korea and such services in English are not only unavailable here, but could cost me my gov't job if anyone found out.
I have never told anyone, and would not want my friends and family, or boyfriend to know. Are there any online help sites or forums you'd recommend? Can I do this without professional help? I've already started digging in the ol' brain for possible causes and/or triggers, buried psychological issues, etc. The list is pretty long and might include depression, but I don't know what came first, or which is causing the other, bulimia or depression. Also, I have just lived through one of the most traumatic years of my life. Unfortunately identifying these things has not been enough to break the cycle.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to ruin my physical or mental health. Thanks in advance!
I have never told anyone, and would not want my friends and family, or boyfriend to know. Are there any online help sites or forums you'd recommend? Can I do this without professional help? I've already started digging in the ol' brain for possible causes and/or triggers, buried psychological issues, etc. The list is pretty long and might include depression, but I don't know what came first, or which is causing the other, bulimia or depression. Also, I have just lived through one of the most traumatic years of my life. Unfortunately identifying these things has not been enough to break the cycle.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to ruin my physical or mental health. Thanks in advance!
Hi runner! I just got done reading your post..and everyone else's too. It is great that you all have come together to help each other and share. I think that is probably an extremely important part of the healing process for any of us. I am a recovering bulimic/anorexic and someone that has dealt with depression and anxiety as well. I never realized how all interconnected these issues are until I went through it. My experience all started in the 7th grade when I remember going to my parents and complaining about feeling very disconnected from the world and for it being difficult for me to get excited or happy about much. That I guess is when my battle with depression started. Trying to loose a few baby pounds in highschool and letting it get deeper and deeper plus mixed with my high stress/ perfectionist attitude and with the depression intertwinded I think led me to my battle with eating problems for atleast 7 years. I would have said I was almost recovered about a yr ago, since I went from binging and purging 3 times a day to being able to go 6 months with out doing so. Now it seems I am in a time of relapse...which is why I sought out probably this website and your blogs. After seing many different counselors, trying the medicine and psychiatry road, and being in an eating disorder outpatient program I feel that I have learned a lot about coping with, and beating these diseases. Although now I need to go chalk up on some of the steps and ideas for myslef, I would still like to hopefully give you some ideas to help you as well. I truly would say if possible, go to a counselor or therapist...just talking and letting yourself dig a little bit deeper into your thoughts and feelings helps. then being able to let it all out on someone that it won't hurt, that can't tell anyone else, and that is just there to help you is great. Although you do need to find the right person that fits you. I do not go to counseling anymore, but I must admit I miss it a bit and miss the relationships that I formed with the counselors. I have a great appreciation and respect for them. Now if you can't see someone, what your doing right now is probably great. Just talking about it..so it is not a secret that you are keeping from everyone and therefore not really honestly facing yourself. talking is great. In the same sense..journaling is extremely helpful. Journaling about anything. You may find new things out about yourself...issues that need addressed, maybe find what you are are possibly missing or need in your life, and it is a great creative outlet. I think the running is great too. Now before as you were doing..8 miles a day sounds like a lot. But exercise sounds important to you and it sounds like you miss it tremendously. And since exercise or being physical is exremely important to stay healthy you should prob. not wipe it from your life. Exercise is one of the best things that helped me deal with my stress and depression that led to erratic eating. Just don't concentrate on exercise for weight reasons...focus on it to just stay healthy and happy. ( o and wipe the word 'diet' from your life.) But since you can't run ther in the winter...what about yoga or pilates or even dance your heart out in your apartment. It gets your mood and heart rate up. and makes you feel like a kid again. Just start focusing on being healthy and happy...not your weight. And when you feel like binging because of being sad,happy, depressed, or whatever just grab your journal. Or make some tea and sit sip and just stop for a second and breath and refocus. And if you do accidently slip back into a binge, don't hate yourself the next day. Just start a fresh. This is very important..because beeting yourself up will only hurt you. Make sure to plan things that will make you feel happy and that you enjoy, or slow the world down and pamper yourself. Do something good for yourself. And Also sorry to ramble....but i understand that you may be scared to tell your bf. I completly understand and if you don't feel its right to do for you or its too early, then by all means listen to your heart. But I must also tell you that i call my bf my little angel for the reason that I did tell him about everything. And since I still struggle he helps me feel not all alone in the world with my issue. Now he is good about not leaning over my shoulder and watching me like a parent. But he also is the one I go to when I relapse. I tell him everytime that I relapse so that I am accountable for my actions, and so that he will understand when my moods may be a little eratic and that if I ask him to go for a walk or that I need to have a cry he knows that it may be for deeper reasons. The thing is he loves me no matter what. And I feel that. My weight and my issues don't matter to him...so sometimes it helps me focus on more important or more easy going life experiences..so that I can move away from my disorder and try to recover. Although it is not good to hide or disregard your problems, its also not good for that to be the only thing you focus on. I used to hide a lot, which turned into lieing to cover up what I was going through. I started having big guilt issues and hated the lieing hiding person I was turning into..which in turn led me to more secret binges and purges. I feel like I am back to my personality that I am proud of..I just need to work stopping from returing to my old ways of coping with anything, I think thats the thing. I need a new way of coping..coping with life, with feelings, with food, with boredom. And I think by doing that I willl hopefully find other new ways, that may lead to new great hobbies and life challenges, or new possiblities and hopes and a stronger more complex interesting me. I have waisted enough of my life focusing on the wrong things.. you do need to try and deal with it as soon as you can. the earlier the better..and you seem to making great steps already. Also before my book becomes a novel (as it already has) one more thing. I want to thank you because I was about ready to start a binge..and instead I hoped on here and read your blog. And now i think I'm past my urge. So, THANK YOU! and keep writing..everyone!! (also..if you want ice cream or a treat or have a craving..don't deny..let yourself enjoy those things once in a while...)
I'm in a similar situation in which I really feel like the only way I can do this is if I do it myself. I think you have to REALLY want to be better, because otherwise one evening when you're bored/lonely/scared you'll trigger and backslide. I think it would be helpful to start writing, just a thought, maybe reasons why you shouldn't get into the cycle, and if you feel yourself going into the cycle then you should take a step back and count to 10, and weigh the situation, and don't grant yourself any wiggle room in the purging area. Or google some gnarly pictures of bulimic teeth or what have you. That helps me.
Hi runner
I too live out of the country and I know how hard it can be when you don't have access to resources. I agree with all the good advice you've gotten and want to add my voice of encouragement. I suffered from an eating disorder for about 30 years and now have been in full recovery for 15 and it feels great. I too am a foodie and one of the first things I learned when I got abstinent was that I needed to enjoy my food. Restrictive, severe diets just brought back the whole cycle because I felt deprived.
For me, I learned that I had to completely cut out sugar because it is addictive and I was unable to control it, no "small pieces of cake" no "chocolate if I'm good". In general I had to learn all over again how to eat and how t listen to the clues from my body "eat when you're hungry, stop when your full" was something I had to learn to do. The multiple small meals wouldn't work for me, too me that would feel too much like what they call "grazing". I eat three meals and nothing in between, no sugar at all and other than those things I eat what I like.
As for recovering on your own, it's hard. I agree with the people who said you should try and at least seek out an English speaking MD, to evaluate you for depression and see if meds are warrented. You didn't say how far Seoul is, but how far are you willing to go to get recovery? And if right now being out of the country means your ED gets worse, well maybe you need to consider if it is the right situation for you at this time.
I went to OA for awhile and found that a very helpful community. I also read a lot about eating disorders and it sounds like you have some good websites. But I also think you need to let go of the need for your ED to be a closely held secret. Secrets are part of what keeps us sick. Whether it's online or in person, you need a commun ity of support with whom you can be honest. If you want to, you can do it, not exactly alone, but with "a little help from friends""
I too live out of the country and I know how hard it can be when you don't have access to resources. I agree with all the good advice you've gotten and want to add my voice of encouragement. I suffered from an eating disorder for about 30 years and now have been in full recovery for 15 and it feels great. I too am a foodie and one of the first things I learned when I got abstinent was that I needed to enjoy my food. Restrictive, severe diets just brought back the whole cycle because I felt deprived.
For me, I learned that I had to completely cut out sugar because it is addictive and I was unable to control it, no "small pieces of cake" no "chocolate if I'm good". In general I had to learn all over again how to eat and how t listen to the clues from my body "eat when you're hungry, stop when your full" was something I had to learn to do. The multiple small meals wouldn't work for me, too me that would feel too much like what they call "grazing". I eat three meals and nothing in between, no sugar at all and other than those things I eat what I like.
As for recovering on your own, it's hard. I agree with the people who said you should try and at least seek out an English speaking MD, to evaluate you for depression and see if meds are warrented. You didn't say how far Seoul is, but how far are you willing to go to get recovery? And if right now being out of the country means your ED gets worse, well maybe you need to consider if it is the right situation for you at this time.
I went to OA for awhile and found that a very helpful community. I also read a lot about eating disorders and it sounds like you have some good websites. But I also think you need to let go of the need for your ED to be a closely held secret. Secrets are part of what keeps us sick. Whether it's online or in person, you need a commun ity of support with whom you can be honest. If you want to, you can do it, not exactly alone, but with "a little help from friends""
I just had to post because my cousin-in-law-to-be is teaching English in South Korea, my fiance is working towards being a screenwriter, and also I've been doing similar things as you lately. So strange! The main difference is that I may be heading towards relapse... fighting it for almost eight years. eep.
I'm very sorry about your break-up yet suppose you're better for it compared to not having control of your life in the relationship. Now there's just this other little demon trying to take control and it's so hard to kill it! I wish I could help you. True that the sooner you quit the easier it is to stop and not go back. Some things I've found to help a little: Identify obstacles/insecurities (not having to do with body/food) and work to overcome those or to accept them while improving something with equal worth to you (not body/food). Also try to distract your self and keep busy. Don't allow the unworthy binge foods into your house. Only eat while on relaxing walks or places where you can't binge. The moment you think about purging while you are eating something then work hard to control it rather than continuing down that road. Try replacing food with water or tea so you don't feel guilty after filling your self too much. That's all I can think of right now. I'll be a hypocrite if I don't do all that as well so maybe this has helped the both of us. Hope so at least. Good luck!
I'm very sorry about your break-up yet suppose you're better for it compared to not having control of your life in the relationship. Now there's just this other little demon trying to take control and it's so hard to kill it! I wish I could help you. True that the sooner you quit the easier it is to stop and not go back. Some things I've found to help a little: Identify obstacles/insecurities (not having to do with body/food) and work to overcome those or to accept them while improving something with equal worth to you (not body/food). Also try to distract your self and keep busy. Don't allow the unworthy binge foods into your house. Only eat while on relaxing walks or places where you can't binge. The moment you think about purging while you are eating something then work hard to control it rather than continuing down that road. Try replacing food with water or tea so you don't feel guilty after filling your self too much. That's all I can think of right now. I'll be a hypocrite if I don't do all that as well so maybe this has helped the both of us. Hope so at least. Good luck!
Well than it seems that you have a game plan. Let me know how it goes. And ill get together some info. for you. Let me know how it goes over the next couple of days with your meals, and binges/purges.
I am going to start eating mini meals... it requires a bit of planning, and isn't always to most convenient, but I know it's good.
I only purge when I binge, I eat normal, healthy meals (usually 4) and keep them down. I just have these side episodes where I eat a bunch of stuff I would never normally eat, like a TON of it, and purge.
I only purge when I binge, I eat normal, healthy meals (usually 4) and keep them down. I just have these side episodes where I eat a bunch of stuff I would never normally eat, like a TON of it, and purge.
Well it's good that it's been a few days. My best advice as far as not binging, is to eat 6 small meals/snacks a day so that your never so hungry you need to binge. As far as purging goes, do you only do it when you binge or do you eat normal amounts and purge too? Best of luck, talk to you soon.
Hi,
LeftCoastChick, I am so glad I could help you stop hating food, even if just for one day. Food is wonderful, a true art medium. It's weird, maybe because I grew up in the culinary world, when I developed bulimia I would keep my meals and my binges totally separate, still do. I cook and eat out as a hobby, the best food in the city, like a normal person, savoring every bite and stopping when I am satisfied (okay, sometimes I'd eat a little too much, but rarely). But my binges are another story. I don't care what I'm eating, as long as it puts me into that trance, and I'll eat things I don't like, things that offend me as a foodie, until I, well... I think we ruin our healthy relationships with food by binging, and we don't deserve that. We should be able to enjoy the finer things in life.
Rach878, thank you for your support as well. Any information is welcome! I could use all the help I can get. As far as knowing what I need to eat for good health, I have been really healthy all of my life until this started. When I'm not binging I am eating healthy, well-balanced meals. I eat a lot of fruits, veggies, whole grains and good carbs like sweet potatoes, barley, buckwheat noodles, superfoods, lean protein, some not-so-lean protein, fish, eggs. I use a lot of olive oil and little butter, limit sugar and refined white flour, drink green tea. I allow myself decadent stuff in moderation, and am a fan of dark chocolate... a girl's gotta live! I have always worked out, and need to start doing that again, but in a healthy way (experiencing my first winter in years, and it's KILLING me, depressing the hell out of me and preventing me from working out, but it's almost over). If I could just stick to my normal diet and eliminate the binging things would be great.
I just don't know what to do exactly to stop on my own. I'm glad you think it's possible though. Because of my situation I don't really have a choice. I know it will be hard, and I know i may slip up, but I really want to get my life back. I also haven't binged or purged since I started posting here, so it's been a few days so far...
LeftCoastChick, I am so glad I could help you stop hating food, even if just for one day. Food is wonderful, a true art medium. It's weird, maybe because I grew up in the culinary world, when I developed bulimia I would keep my meals and my binges totally separate, still do. I cook and eat out as a hobby, the best food in the city, like a normal person, savoring every bite and stopping when I am satisfied (okay, sometimes I'd eat a little too much, but rarely). But my binges are another story. I don't care what I'm eating, as long as it puts me into that trance, and I'll eat things I don't like, things that offend me as a foodie, until I, well... I think we ruin our healthy relationships with food by binging, and we don't deserve that. We should be able to enjoy the finer things in life.
Rach878, thank you for your support as well. Any information is welcome! I could use all the help I can get. As far as knowing what I need to eat for good health, I have been really healthy all of my life until this started. When I'm not binging I am eating healthy, well-balanced meals. I eat a lot of fruits, veggies, whole grains and good carbs like sweet potatoes, barley, buckwheat noodles, superfoods, lean protein, some not-so-lean protein, fish, eggs. I use a lot of olive oil and little butter, limit sugar and refined white flour, drink green tea. I allow myself decadent stuff in moderation, and am a fan of dark chocolate... a girl's gotta live! I have always worked out, and need to start doing that again, but in a healthy way (experiencing my first winter in years, and it's KILLING me, depressing the hell out of me and preventing me from working out, but it's almost over). If I could just stick to my normal diet and eliminate the binging things would be great.
I just don't know what to do exactly to stop on my own. I'm glad you think it's possible though. Because of my situation I don't really have a choice. I know it will be hard, and I know i may slip up, but I really want to get my life back. I also haven't binged or purged since I started posting here, so it's been a few days so far...
It's good that your not restricting, and that you've stopped running so much. I know running might be something that you really enjoy but with an eating disorder, excerise can be dangerous.
Since you don't want to tell your family, which i can understand, if this is something that your really want i do believe that you can do this on your own, but it will be very hard... DO you know what you need to eat nutrionally?
I could send you some information if you'd like on eating disorders, and nutrion. Doing this alone will be very hard, but if its what you rally want, you can do it.
Since you don't want to tell your family, which i can understand, if this is something that your really want i do believe that you can do this on your own, but it will be very hard... DO you know what you need to eat nutrionally?
I could send you some information if you'd like on eating disorders, and nutrion. Doing this alone will be very hard, but if its what you rally want, you can do it.
I have to fully admit I have hiccups, but not dangerous ones. I have binged, but I don't purge. Though, I haven't since December at all and since I got diagnosed with Boderline Diabetes, and kidney issues as a result. My worst enemy is I have absolutely no appetite, after my kidneys stopped working well for month.. So I have bribe foods that I have in my freezer. Nothing bad but the odd cookie or yesterday I had 2 donuts. I really had to tell my doctor that no this isn't my ED, it really isn't. I thought at first maybe, but when I found out it was normal with what was going on, it was a relief. I have yogurt in the fridge, I'm drink juice quite a bit now - I got a lecture from my dad today that I need some fruit (he's diabetic too) I have a mocha latte every day, so I know it's not the ED, I make sure not to ask for the skinny latte lol!
I just wanted to point out that it's not easy, no matter where you are in the recovery process. After reading your post about being a foodie, I realized I don't hate food anymore, that was an epiphany that I had because of you. It's the first time in years that I can remember tasting a food and my brain not shutting off. I'm drinking some unfiltered apple juice and it's like a nectar of the gods! Thanks so much for posting! I most appreciate it!
LCC
I just wanted to point out that it's not easy, no matter where you are in the recovery process. After reading your post about being a foodie, I realized I don't hate food anymore, that was an epiphany that I had because of you. It's the first time in years that I can remember tasting a food and my brain not shutting off. I'm drinking some unfiltered apple juice and it's like a nectar of the gods! Thanks so much for posting! I most appreciate it!
LCC
Funny LeftCoastChick, I never even thought about the kimchi and spicy foods rotting my stomach. It's impossible to avoid both altogether in Korea, especially if you're like me and have declared your love for them to all of your co-teachers and the school lunch staff, but I can cut it down a bit.
It's also funny that you say food is my friend and not the enemy because as the daughter of an Italian chef food has always been a true love of mine. I am a foodie. But I've always been health conscious. Having been brought up on a Mediterranean diet I never went for the standard **** American chain mega-meals, or processed, chemically enhanced stuff, and never used food to solve problems, stuff emotions, etc. I feel like you sacrifice quality when you binge. Sometimes I don't even like the food I'm shoveling into my mouth. It's so weird sometimes, like being possessed.
It's encouraging to see you've recovered, or gained control back. It's such a great help to have people share and reach out, and knowing that others have kept this beast in check gives me hope.
I don't think I could find an English speaking shrink here though. Maybe in Seoul, but that's sooooo far away, and I've heard there's no way to get psych meds here and that a lot of western teachers bring a year's supply with them.
I'm not isolated though, as there's a huge group of expats here, and I have met the most wonderful guy too, although as far as my motives for coming here go, I haven't worked that out yet. I am also not sure if the depression is circumstantial, like from my ex and everything I lost last year, so I'm hesitant to take medication, although I'm starting to think that maybe I've been depressed for a while. I had a pretty screwed up childhood too, which just adds to the laundry list. God, I sound like a disaster.
Thanks again!!!
It's also funny that you say food is my friend and not the enemy because as the daughter of an Italian chef food has always been a true love of mine. I am a foodie. But I've always been health conscious. Having been brought up on a Mediterranean diet I never went for the standard **** American chain mega-meals, or processed, chemically enhanced stuff, and never used food to solve problems, stuff emotions, etc. I feel like you sacrifice quality when you binge. Sometimes I don't even like the food I'm shoveling into my mouth. It's so weird sometimes, like being possessed.
It's encouraging to see you've recovered, or gained control back. It's such a great help to have people share and reach out, and knowing that others have kept this beast in check gives me hope.
I don't think I could find an English speaking shrink here though. Maybe in Seoul, but that's sooooo far away, and I've heard there's no way to get psych meds here and that a lot of western teachers bring a year's supply with them.
I'm not isolated though, as there's a huge group of expats here, and I have met the most wonderful guy too, although as far as my motives for coming here go, I haven't worked that out yet. I am also not sure if the depression is circumstantial, like from my ex and everything I lost last year, so I'm hesitant to take medication, although I'm starting to think that maybe I've been depressed for a while. I had a pretty screwed up childhood too, which just adds to the laundry list. God, I sound like a disaster.
Thanks again!!!
You hit the nail on the head with your ex-boyfriend, you lost control over everything, and had to move home. Eating disorders are all about control, seriously. It's the one thing that you have true command over.
Are there any English speaking doctors that you could speak to and maybe get on an anti-depressant? Depression is one of the key parts of any eating dis-order. Once you tackle what the true issue is, the eating disorder will at least ease up. Bulemic is the worst long term wise, due to many parts of your body you are damaging because of the purging.
You have chosen to move to another country, maybe subconsciously to self-isolate. I've know folks who've taught there and other places, and haven't stayed long, due to the very fact that they feel so alone, especially if they can't speak the language well.
I was bulemic from around 12 until 19 and even after I stopped that I binged until I was 25., but a bit fuzzy on the exact time span, I'm 40 now and it seems like a lifetime ago. So know, you can change, and it can be less dramatic then it is now. I still have hiccups, it's like any addiction, you can manage it, but it doesn't go away. I still binge, though rarely, I have control over what I eat in the way of junk.
There is hope, keep talking, try to eat and not purge, food is your friend, not your enemy right? Kim chi though will rot out your stomach if you're bulemic. Stay away from really spicy foods for a while until things simmer down. Keep posting, there are a lot of folks here who've been there, are in the middle of battling as well who've got some great insight!
Are there any English speaking doctors that you could speak to and maybe get on an anti-depressant? Depression is one of the key parts of any eating dis-order. Once you tackle what the true issue is, the eating disorder will at least ease up. Bulemic is the worst long term wise, due to many parts of your body you are damaging because of the purging.
You have chosen to move to another country, maybe subconsciously to self-isolate. I've know folks who've taught there and other places, and haven't stayed long, due to the very fact that they feel so alone, especially if they can't speak the language well.
I was bulemic from around 12 until 19 and even after I stopped that I binged until I was 25., but a bit fuzzy on the exact time span, I'm 40 now and it seems like a lifetime ago. So know, you can change, and it can be less dramatic then it is now. I still have hiccups, it's like any addiction, you can manage it, but it doesn't go away. I still binge, though rarely, I have control over what I eat in the way of junk.
There is hope, keep talking, try to eat and not purge, food is your friend, not your enemy right? Kim chi though will rot out your stomach if you're bulemic. Stay away from really spicy foods for a while until things simmer down. Keep posting, there are a lot of folks here who've been there, are in the middle of battling as well who've got some great insight!
Hi. I'm so glad you responded... it's nice to finally tell someone, even if it is online. I don't want to tell my parents because I am 29, and haven't lived with either of them since before college, and it just seems silly since I never see them. Plus, I am in Korea and would have to tell them over the phone, and they will be upset because they can't do much to help me from America, then they will tell other relatives, who will gossip, etc., and when I do finally return home it will be the focal point of all of our interactions, and my family are not a quiet and tactful bunch to say the least. It would be a disaster, trust me.
I don't want to tell my boyfriend because we have only been together for 5 months, and I'm not comfortable telling him at this point. I have a good female friend here, but she has a huge mouth. Haha. So, I am hoping to rely on online resources. BTW- I really like somethingfishy.org. Thanks!
The nature of my bulimia has varied throughout the year. It started out with my binging and purging sometimes 3x a day (i would eat until i was sick when binging, I would not purge normal amounts of food eaten) followed by restriction and excessive exercise. I was running 8 miles a day up until about 5 months ago. I loved this and it was healthy for me, but I don't know that I was doing it for the right reasons. I became obsessed with being thin. I have always been obsessed with being thin, and am naturally thin, but my healthy relationship with food disappeared and I became bulimic a year ago, when I began having problems with my then fiance, who is a Hollywood screenwriter on his way to the top, and called all of the shots in our relationship due to his success. I spent my last penny moving to Santa Monica from NY to be with him, and I knew he had my life in the palm of his hand. I became subject to the changing whims of his friends, career, family, etc., i.e. powerless and without control over our life together. He left me high and dry, just as I had always feared, and since I had been laid off 3 months earlier and had been spending all of my money on organic food etc., for our lavish lifestyle I had nothing, and he gave me nothing, and I was forced to move back into my father's house in NY. My bulimia subsided a bit here, but I was so traumatized from the breakup and everything I had lost along with it that I wasn't eating much anyway, and would only get out of bed to run or when friends and/or family forced me.
It was so hard to find a job with the economy, and I had always wanted to teach overseas but never could because of my relationship, so I decided to come to South Korea to teach. I abstained from binging and purging for my first 3-4 months here. I also lost even more weight due to the different food here and dropped to the underweight catagory I had been hovering close to for some time. Then, the winter came, and I get depressed in the winter. And bored. And I'm stuck in an apartment all day with nothing to do... so it's back! I've put on quite a bit of weight already because I am no longer running (which depresses me) due to the weather and I am not restricting for some reason.
I just want to stop using food to deal with my problems, pain, issues, etc., but I am out of control. Do you think I can do this on my own? I have to. There aren't even English speaking therapists here.
Thank you so much! Sorry so long...
I don't want to tell my boyfriend because we have only been together for 5 months, and I'm not comfortable telling him at this point. I have a good female friend here, but she has a huge mouth. Haha. So, I am hoping to rely on online resources. BTW- I really like somethingfishy.org. Thanks!
The nature of my bulimia has varied throughout the year. It started out with my binging and purging sometimes 3x a day (i would eat until i was sick when binging, I would not purge normal amounts of food eaten) followed by restriction and excessive exercise. I was running 8 miles a day up until about 5 months ago. I loved this and it was healthy for me, but I don't know that I was doing it for the right reasons. I became obsessed with being thin. I have always been obsessed with being thin, and am naturally thin, but my healthy relationship with food disappeared and I became bulimic a year ago, when I began having problems with my then fiance, who is a Hollywood screenwriter on his way to the top, and called all of the shots in our relationship due to his success. I spent my last penny moving to Santa Monica from NY to be with him, and I knew he had my life in the palm of his hand. I became subject to the changing whims of his friends, career, family, etc., i.e. powerless and without control over our life together. He left me high and dry, just as I had always feared, and since I had been laid off 3 months earlier and had been spending all of my money on organic food etc., for our lavish lifestyle I had nothing, and he gave me nothing, and I was forced to move back into my father's house in NY. My bulimia subsided a bit here, but I was so traumatized from the breakup and everything I had lost along with it that I wasn't eating much anyway, and would only get out of bed to run or when friends and/or family forced me.
It was so hard to find a job with the economy, and I had always wanted to teach overseas but never could because of my relationship, so I decided to come to South Korea to teach. I abstained from binging and purging for my first 3-4 months here. I also lost even more weight due to the different food here and dropped to the underweight catagory I had been hovering close to for some time. Then, the winter came, and I get depressed in the winter. And bored. And I'm stuck in an apartment all day with nothing to do... so it's back! I've put on quite a bit of weight already because I am no longer running (which depresses me) due to the weather and I am not restricting for some reason.
I just want to stop using food to deal with my problems, pain, issues, etc., but I am out of control. Do you think I can do this on my own? I have to. There aren't even English speaking therapists here.
Thank you so much! Sorry so long...
Hello. I have struggled with bulimia for 6 years, and have been where you are know. i find it very encorageing that you want help so early on in the disease. Up until this past year, i never believed that having bulimia was a problem. I've been where you are, and i can tell you the longer it continues the worse it gets, and the harder it is to stop. It will be hard to do on your own without help. Even keeping it a secret will be hard. May i ask why you don't want to tell you parents and boyfriend that you are struggleing and need there support to help you over come this? I also want to tell you your job can not fire you for this, unless it interupts your ability to work.
There is a website i have found helpful called something fishy, the address is somethingfishy.org. There is info. on how to stop, how to tell family, forums. It really is a good site. Here is also really good. You can talk to medically trained professionals, and people that have been where you are and can give good advice.
Out of curiosity do you binge/purge, purge after normal amounts of food, restrict at all, laxities? Depending on how serious the problem is, might indicate if you can do it on your own. Its not impossible but it is difficult.
There is a website i have found helpful called something fishy, the address is somethingfishy.org. There is info. on how to stop, how to tell family, forums. It really is a good site. Here is also really good. You can talk to medically trained professionals, and people that have been where you are and can give good advice.
Out of curiosity do you binge/purge, purge after normal amounts of food, restrict at all, laxities? Depending on how serious the problem is, might indicate if you can do it on your own. Its not impossible but it is difficult.
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