but if i say anything i go back to the mental hospital, wat should i do?
Because you have a disease called an eating disorder. It isn't logical and you can't really think your way out of it. It takes help to get over an eating disorder. That's the hard thing about it is that it makes no sense, we know it hurts us and we usually can't stop without help. Get a referral to a therapist with experience with eating disorders because there are usually underlying feelings we don't deal with that lead us to abuse substances like food. OA is also a great source of support. Information alone isn't enough.