880499 tn?1240504818

Help! 30-year-old boyfriend has ED!

I'm a woman in my mid 20s and I'm dating a man who is 30 years old. Everything is wonderful and we love each other, but he sometimes has trouble maintaining his erection during intercourse. At first I thought he was just nervous and had performance anxiety issues, because he seemed very eager and willing to do it and I know he is attracted to me because he tells me all the time, plus he always touches and gropes me. I'm an attractive woman and I never had trouble turning a guy on. So, the first few times when it happened I let it go and acted like it was normal and we kept trying until we finished. Now, we've been dating a few months and I'm thinking he should be over his performance issues, but it's still happening. It really worries me. I asked him if there is anything he wants me to do differently and he says no, I'm doing everything right. I thought that maybe if he sees how much into it I am he'd get over it and let go, but it seems the more into it I am the less into it he is. So, I took a different approach and let him initiate it, and he does, every time he sleeps over he initiates sex but it doesn't work 2 out of 3 times. I was really upset about it the last time it happened but I didn't want to make it an issue, because if he feels like he isn't performing good I'm afraid it's gonna get worse.

I don't know what to do. I have never had this happen to me before. It doesn't take much to please me sexually, and I orgasm really easily, so I have always had a fulfilling sexual life, but this is really starting to wear on my self esteem. And the worse thing is that this is starting to affect my libido. I'm just not feeling very sexy anymore, and if I can't feel sexy how am I going to enjoy it? And if I start not being into it, I'm afraid he won't be able to get it up at all anymore.

What should I do? I don't know how to approach the subject and talk to him? How would I even start? We haven't been dating long, and in my experience the first few months of a relationship are very sexual. In my prior relationships me and my exes couldn't keep our hands off each other. I'm so upset because I really love my boyfriend and I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm afraid our sex life will get worse. I'm so embarrassed, too. I feel like I'm not doing my job right as a woman. There is nobody I can talk to about this.
12 Responses
Avatar universal
Chances are at that age, a herbal supplement will help.
At that age he doesn't need anything. First he need to cut porn out and stop masturbating for a while. Then he should masturbate thinking about you. then he should do it while you are in the room. then you do it for him and then you have Sex. Second you need intimicy and patience. You cannot stress men like that, good sex takes time. You need to make him horny learn each other's body. If nothing works than simply you two are not sexualy compatible. Usually there is some other issues involved, lack of communications etc.
740456 tn?1260449809
I sent you a message to your inbox =)
Avatar universal
Which ones do you suggest?  I have been hearing alot about Endurnz.  Any one tried it?
Avatar universal
Please, don't feel that way about yourself.  If he says you are doing nothing wrong, then please believe him.  If you were doing something wrong, or weren't sexy, he wouldn't want to even have sex in the first place.

I am recently having this problem keeping a full erection for the first time in my life.  I am only 24 and my gf was a virgin till a couple days ago, and i only made it through the whole 45-60mins bcuz i secretly used viagra.  We have been dating for about 5 months and always had sensual dry sex, and about a month ago i realized i cant keep it up very long anymore(what timing I KNOW).  I have always been superb at sex and could usually go for hours.  This is just effecting my life so bad now, and i also have noone to talk to about it.  This girl is THE WORLD to me and i don't want to lose her either.  How do you think she will react if i just come out to her about it?

Avatar universal
A few things. First of all I am 34 and I have had issues myself in this area. It didn't matter which girl it was eventually there would be a time when I would lose my erection. However recently I met someone that I really like and am attracted to but I had problem even getting an erection, which almost never happens. My issue in the past has been mostly keeping it.

Nonetheless it worried me and I decided to take action. After analyzing the situation, I actually found a few things that I could improve in my life. First and foremost is the physical aspect. What am I eating? Am I exercising or getting any activity. What is my fitness level and diet look like? I found that I could definitely improve on all those points. Also am I taking any drugs (I smoked herb), or smoking cigs (yes) or drinking (no).
Basically am I putting anything in my body that doesn't belong there.

Second part was the psychological part. I cannot speak for everyone, because everyone is different, but I noticed that I became TOO dependent on porn and in a lot of ways it desensitized me. When you involve yourself in an activity that has a pleasure reward (masturbating to orgasm), it is wires your brain to get use to that setting. Not to say masturbating or looking at porn is inherently bad so to speak, but if you do too much, or if you do nothing but it without having real sex I think it can be very damaging.

Third part I looked at was my past sexual experiences and how it affected my psyche. My first sexual experience I went through some performance anxiety and the person that I had it with pretty much rejected me cause of it and that affected my sexual experiences afterwards.

Of all those the first two parts I have direct power over (not so much the third) and have been working on and I'll give it some time. I am positive that it will have a good affect on me.

My suggestion to you is talk to him and find out how he feels about it. If you feel that he really wants to work on it, maybe you should suggest some of the things that I mentioned. Honestly though, he will most likely have to take the initiative. Good luck
Avatar universal
I have never In my life had a problem with a man not being able to "get it up" I know he wants to because he talks about being sexual with me. we have been in a relationship off and on for 10 months. And he is my best friend, intimacy for myself is on a different level then just sex. HOWEVER, we have only been able to have sex in this time frame about 2.5 times where he was able to "finish" I feel like hes not  attracted to me or something. I love when he sleeps at my house, it makes me so happy. but what would make me more happy is if he would have sex with me before bed.... I am not sure what to do. and It is something I will never bring up because I do not want to hurt his ego. I would go as far as giving him something natural that he doesnt know about at this point. Just because he is a very cocky, attractive man and it could be me and I do not think I could deal with that convo either. =( what to do?
Avatar universal
Hi, Even I am 30 , I facing this problem for 6 months and really frustrated and I couldn't talk to my girl regarding this. I went through number of sites and came to know it causes bcoz of stress, nervous, smoking , lack of exercise .Came to a conclusion to stop smoking and do exercise . smoking causes problem with lung and it has something to do with sex too. The erection problem causes bcoz of d improper blood flow to penis . As I have seen ginseng is a natural medicine to treat erectile dysfunction & could eat onion & ginger regularly to boost. Mens sad problem..
139792 tn?1498585650
All smokers do not have ED. Main causes are excessive masturbation and porno. If quit smoking it would be good for your general health as well. to gain immidiate results, you may pick up few exercises specifically for sexual issue. Few of them are male deer exercise,kegel exercise, satkriya,. Some one has hinted that Anal peripheral prostate mass age can give better result than kegel. you may try both. Google the above exercises for a month and if you find some improvement you may continue as long as you like.
Avatar universal
Sounds like my boyfriend. He masturbated daily and watched porn. We had an intervention and he quit porn and masterbating. We are finally having intimate mind blowing sex. His body and mind is healing.
Avatar universal
That's weird, my bf has the same problem, he has a hard time keeping an erection. It is not really about the sex, but I want us to have regular sex, he can get an erection, but I have to give him fellatio in order for him to climax. Like I  said, it's not about the sex, but I want us to be closer, and have intercourse, but I would love him even if we could never have sex.
I'm with you on that. I'm 29 and he's 31.   I can honestly say that my problem is... that we've been together for 13 years and two children later... I don't blame him. I do love him and can not see mine or my kids life without him. BUT it would be nice to have some mind blowing sex the way we used to when we first started dating. This **** *****!!! And I'm not interested in other men or cheating on him at all!!!  I'm so embarrassed to bring up seeing a doctor because what if it's not even "his problem".
Avatar universal
Hi, I read your story and find myself in exactly the same situation, so I really feel for you. I see this post was written in 2009. How did it go? Did you find a way to improve things? I´d really appreciate any advice you have about how you dealt with this, as I´m really struggling. My boyfriend and I want to move in together, I really love him and want to spend my life with him and have a family. But his erectile dysfunction worries me and I cant help thinking how things will be 10 years from now. If you or anyone else on this forum has any tips I´d be ever so grateful. Thanks
Avatar universal
Hi what meds does he take and is he heavy?
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