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Fertility / Infertility / IVF Community
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19200244 tn?1473835044

adoption or surrogacy?

Adoption or surrogacy?
Can’t make myself choose between these two options. I will have to undergo either surrogacy on donor’s eggs or just will start the adopting process. Maybe someone of you have a piece of advice for me because I honestly don’t know. It’s the same for each option in terms of money and time, and I have always had this thought in my head that there are too many kids without families and I have always wanted to help them. But having your own kid is so incredible and amazing, such a thing that everyone would want to experience. I must say that as for the adoption I would like to adopt a newborn if it is possible. I know nothing about it whatsoever and would like someone to enlighten me on it. I know that it is a very hard process and I would like to know if it is worth my time and my money.
I have to admit that my husband does want to have his own child, even though I won’t participate in our future baby’s making at all, he will give his sperm. So the kid will be his. But not mine, some woman will carry him. I am not sure that I will be able to love him at all. Knowing about how he came to this world.
Please, will you be so kind to tell me what to do? Thanks.
6 Responses
Avatar universal
We adopted, best decision ever. She is the light of my life. And I know she's so happy she was picked by our family. I'm so glad we did this.
134578 tn?1517087675
You can't be the surrogate?  (Even if you have to use donor eggs it doesn't rule out being the person who carries the child.)

I'd go for donor eggs and surrogacy.  The baby would biologically be from your husband, and the timelines are faster, and there are very few infants available to adopt which means you wait and wait.
Avatar universal
Surrogacy id love to help wemen who are infertile have a baby or 2 :)
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know how you feel. You're not alone with this! I don't have a uterus but I have a desire to become a mother. Well there are some options for me. I chose surrogacy. Now I'm looking for information and where it can be done. This process is not easy at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck and no one can help. I can't talk about it with friends or family. All people I know have children and don't have problems with fertility. They just don't get it. They will never understand how I feel. It feels like every month someone announces their pregnancy. Every month someone makes a baby shower. Not to mention all those photos of kids in social network. This is so hard and sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be rude but sometimes I have to skip baby showers or babies’ birthdays. I have to make up reasons not to go and it makes me feel a bad person. But what can I do? I'm sure when I will have my baby it will be easy for me. I will be able to divide happiness of parenthood with my friends. But now it makes me feel even more stressed than I am.
961574 tn?1520651703
COMMUNITY LEADER
if you are able to carry a pregnancy, you could look into donor\adopted embryos.  
Avatar universal
Hi! Noone will tell you what should be done, I'm afraid. You should make researches on both options and make decision. It depends fully on you. Surrogacy and adoption both involve many services, professionals and fees, including program and agency fees, legal costs and medical expenses. In addition to these costs, most surrogates are compensated by intended parents for their time, energy and sacrifices they make throughout the pregnancy. The additional fees for surrogate compensation and the embryo transfer process can make surrogacy significantly more expensive than adoption. In our clinic one shot will cost you 29.900 EUR and multiple - 49900. The latter prevents you from loosing money - they all it guaranteed refund in case of failures. Though I don't want this sound like add or sth just to give cost numbers. Prices differ from clinic/country to clinic.
Here are lots of things to consider. In surrogacy  intended parents have an opportunity to pick from profiles of prospective surrogates whose plans and goals match their own. The intended parents can select the surrogate they wish to work with. And in adoption you can't. Then legal aspects.
Whatever option you choose I'm sure you'll love your kid with all your heart. No matter how they come to our lives - we are here to show them our love, care and support. I wish you all the best of luck with your decision! Hugs x
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