advice from women who used donor eggs

[SHP]

I have two frozen embryos left of my own to try before I have to change to something else. I have been unsuccessful for so long.  I am 40 and trying to be real.  I am grieving over this being my last chance to have my own genetic child.  I made the decision to go to a donor egg if this didn't work.  I am not sure that I can afford it but I am investigating - at the very least mentally.  For those of you who have used a donor egg - did you feel any jealousy toward your husband over it being his genetic child and not yours?  Did you tell people that it was not your egg?  What did you or are you going to tell the child?  Just trying to learn and possibly prepare myself

Oh, did many of you have problems getting pregnant with donor eggs?

[Bobbyrocket]

Hi folks,
Am I the only man here? I'm desperate. I'm 46 and my future wife is 49. We were together 24 years ago and I lost her. She was, and is, the only love of my life. She has 2 children from a previous marriage (9 and 11 years of age). I have no children. We got back together 3.5 years ago. He have tried naturally (including medical help) to conceive for about 3 years. We then decided to peruse donor egg IVF (private and also NHS). We went on 2 waiting  lists to help speed things up. My fiancé had 2 ops to help, we had all the counselling and I have a friend who is a trained psychologist who has children through donor egg IVF. She offered great advise and support. A donor match was found and then at the last minute my fiance changed her mind stating that her age was the issue. If we got pregnant naturally she would be ok with it ( she says). I am broken hearted. My life has no purpose as I have to watch her bring up the children she had with her ex (he is still on the scene to help). My only wish is to have a family with her to add to the children she already has. I get on with her children fantastically and treat them as my own, however, they have a dad (not me). It appears all hope is lost. How can I convince her that it will be fine and that to be older parents is just the same as being younger, the love is the same. Please help, I just want to be a daddy and feel that "connection". How can I convince her that it will be ok?

[Bobbyrocket]

Hi folks,
Am I the only man here? I'm desperate. I'm 46 and my future wife is 49. We were together 24 years ago and I lost her. She was, and is, the only love of my life. She has 2 children from a previous marriage (9 and 11 years of age). I have no children. We got back together 3.5 years ago. He have tried naturally (including medical help) to conceive for about 3 years. We then decided to peruse donor egg IVF (private and also NHS). We went on 2 waiting  lists to help speed things up. My fiancé had 2 ops to help, we had all the counselling and I have a friend who is a trained psychologist who has children through donor egg IVF. She offered great advise and support. A donor match was found and then at the last minute my fiance changed her mind stating that her age was the issue. If we got pregnant naturally she would be ok with it ( she says). I am broken hearted. My life has no purpose as I have to watch her bring up the children she had with her ex (he is still on the scene to help). My only wish is to have a family with her to add to the children she already has. I get on with her children fantastically and treat them as my own, however, they have a dad (not me). It appears all hope is lost. How can I convince her that it will be fine and that to be older parents is just the same as being younger, the love is the same. Please help, I just want to be a daddy and feel that "connection". How can I convince her that it will be ok?

[Praysmh]

I understand exactly how you feel, I'm 40 and my husband and I have done IVF 3x's with no baby. I'm told if money isn't an issue we can keep trying because each time we get more eggs, but we've already spent about 25,000. So donor egg is probably our only hope for a child. I've read a lot of articles to help us make our decision. I'm also seeing a counselor at church to grieve our loss, that is important in order to move on to the next phase in this journey. We still don't have a decision. I wanted to write this so you know your not alone in your thoughts. It's the hardest decision! Give yourself time and good results will come. I wish you all the best.

[andreabuzz]

Hi iv just done my 1st ivf and told on monday it didnt work ;(
Shock devastation isnt the word,  im 41 my partner 43 so iv decided to go for egg doner my last hope,  the dna will be my partners but my worry was the blood and that will be mine & the supplies from carring
So im kinda excited going to find today and hopin to start like now lol
Good luck in what u decied
If i carry thebaby regardless its mine i will love it and enjoy every moment xxxx

[andreabuzz]

Hi iv just done my 1st ivf and told on monday it didnt work ;(
Shock devastation isnt the word,  im 41 my partner 43 so iv decided to go for egg doner my last hope,  the dna will be my partners but my worry was the blood and that will be mine & the supplies from carring
So im kinda excited going to find today and hopin to start like now lol
Good luck in what u decied
If i carry thebaby regardless its mine i will love it and enjoy every moment xxxx

[animojo]

I'm 47, never had a child, and now due to age my eggs are of poor quality. Doctor suggests donor egg for pregnancy. I'm reading all these threads and still have mixed feelings.....can anyone help me to feel better about making this decision? Adoption isn't a bad choice, but the child wouldn't have hubby's DNA........Guess I'm trippin a little because it won't have any of my features, people would notice.....grieving with major regrets. having a very difficult time with all this. will I ever feel that it's MY child and not someone else's ?