Have I LOST my mind @ 42? Tubes Tied

[mmorgan72]

Hi! I am 42, my husband is 40. We have been married for almost 23 years. We have a 21 year old daughter who is married and has just had a baby girl of her own 12/19/14. We also have a son who is 18. I had my tubes tied when I had my son. I had a cervical ablation procedure approximately 3 years ago, due to horrible bleeding during my cycle but never stopped having periods. I think I have lost my mind. I am seriously considering having a tubal reversal and trying to have one more precious baby. I don't know if I'm going through some type of mid life crisis or what. I feel so lost without my daughter here. I've had the worst empty nest depression since she married 2 years ago. I only see her about once a month. She never calls, only texts me here and there. It is really hard now, considering I want to be part of my grand daughters life. I've been seriously considering having another baby since the age of 38, prior to her marrying and leaving the nest. I really feel like I need another bird in my nest. I really feel compelled to have another baby. Am I crazy?????? Anyone out there with a similar experience?

[mmorgan72]

Hi Kathy, I have thought about being a foster parent. However, I have several friends who have done this and it has never been a good experience for them. I also worked at Dept. of Family & Children Services and have seen a different side of it. I don't know if I could deal with these families (not the child). Having to deal with them while taking them to supervised visits, etc. Most of the time, you get attached and they end up putting them back with their family. A family who will still neglect them. It is so sad. I don't feel like it will be enough for me. I know that sounds a little selfish. I just have a yearning in my heart for another child. I have had this for years. Thanks for your input!

LoveCake, My daughter is very independent. We just don't connect. We are so opposite of each other. I love her dearly, but we just don't! It is part of who she is, she was always a socially awkward child and is an extreme introvert. I have thought about the school system, Again, I have an overwhelming yearning for a baby. I'd never do this is my husband was not on board with it. My time with my babies flew by way too fast and I feel lost and have so for years.

[LoveCake98]

Reversal might not work so talk to doc.  I think I might give myself more time to adjust to empty nest though.   Are you & your husband dating again?  That's important. If you don't have another baby you'll need to really define who you are as a grandmother and with the hobbies you have.  If it's interaction with kids you crave--big sisters organization is great.

Have you connected with your daughter as an adult?   She's probably not purposely avoiding you. She's just grown into the independent woman that you were supposed to help her develop into.  Good job.  Consider carefully with your husband.

[Stealthelf]

I had my children at 31,35,and 39. The third pregnancy was more exhausting, but my little toddler is a complete joy. I am nervous and excited to be expecting another one.  I think as long as you don't have bad health problems you should have as many as you want.

[kj_skibum]

The cervical ablation may cause more issues than TR in terms of infertility. Explore your medical options, but please do consider being a foster parent, or just a volunteer in schools should you not be medically able to carry. Our educational system in US is in desperate needs of mature volunteers who can assist with supervising over size classrooms and more importantly, being able to provide a little extra nurturing from an adult, as there are many kids growing up in dysfunctional homes. Blessings to you!

[Peachy1584]

I had a tr and still ended up having to do ivf. I am now 34 weeks pregnant at age 37. I would consult an RE as time is never on our side. Best of luck x

[Drcsue]

I had a tubal reversal at 35. We are expecting out 2nd TR baby in less than a month, making this baby #6 for us. I'm 38 now. I have a friend who just had a TR baby 3 months ago, she's 41. I know people look at us like we are crazy but I don't care. It's sad that it's more socially acceptable for teenagers to be popping out babies and living off welfare than financially stable adults. Do what your heart tell you.

[Kathy2015]

This is only my personal opinion. I don't think you are crazy if that is what you truly want. My family thinks im crazy for having another at 35, and my "baby" is only 7.  I don't think I would do that in your situation. Have you thought about being a foster parent? It is a lot of work and commitment, just like having your own. It would help with the empty nest and also it could help an unfortunate child have a loving environment and a structured home. Just a thought.