Is it ok to feel envy?

[fawngonzalez]

I know that this ttc ride has its ups and downs for all of us but today it just got me down. As I was waiting for my son to come out of his 1st grade class I noticed one of the other mothers who had 2 little ones and was pregnant, waiting for her son. As sick as it sounds I started to envy her at how easy it must have been for her to get pregnant and then I felt just awful for feeling like that. I know we are supposed to keep are chins up but some times its just so darn hard, maybe its all these fertility meds talking.

[tina1111]

While envy is a normal reaction, it is not a healthy one. It's not on the "7 Deadly Sins" list for nothing. We all experience it, regardless of whether it is right or wrong. I have been at the ttc game longer than anyone here, I think. I'm at 25yrs now, ugh. The important thing is to remember that other women don't have anything to do with the reason you are where you are. To "envy" means to covet something awarded to someone else. I would never dream of taking away someone else's happiness to have it myself. My dh is one of 9 children. Just because his mom had so many, doesn't mean she deserved any one of them less or that someone else should have gotten one of them. I know we have all looked at some mom that is "less than perfect" to be polite, and thought "Why does she get to have another one when she can't even take care of herself, let alone the babies she has?"  I know I have. But, everything happens for a reason. Even if we aren't the ones to know the reason.  If these feelings get too overwhelming, they can consume you and make you bitter. That would be a tragedy.

Rachael, I don't think you are feeling envy at all. I think you have gone through the worst possible loss anyone can ever feel. I cry at least once a week still for your loss and pray for you daily. Time will help heal somethings, but there will always be a hole where Cooper was. I wish there were some "treatment" that could take it all away. The saddness and pain you feel are so fresh and raw. I cannot even begin to imagine what you and your family have and are going through. I don't think it's envy at all. It is suffering and I so truly wish you were not feeling it. ((hugs))

[fawngonzalez]

So true, I just hope we all get our bundles of joy soon.

[bree08]

I go through this every DAY! At work I see people pregnant or just had a baby, all my friends have kids and my older sister has 3 kids. She's one of those people who pops out kid after kid. It makes me sick. But I love all my nephews and I'm glad she had them. It's definatly okay to feel envios. I think going through this it's only natural! I have to remind myself everyday to think positive. Starting yesterday I stopped researching things online because I was getting depressed from it. I know we'll all have our babies soon. No matter what method we have to go through to hold that baby.

[fawngonzalez]

Thank you ladies, sometimes I just feel bad for feeling that way. =0)

[blessedmomof3]

it is perfectly normal. I go through it alot. We just have to try to keep trying and hopefully one day we will be the ones being envied.

[rdh1981]

Girl you are not alone! I feel like that everday, I teach 1st grade and I have several parents in my class who are now pregnant with their third or fourth child. All I can think about is that it took my two years and m/c to concieve Cooper and it took me only 7 short weeks to loose him.  

I am at the lowest point in my life right now and seems like the whole world is happy but me.  I know it is not right to envy others, but it just makes me so mad because I want to be a mommy, but more than anything I still want to be Cooper's mommy.  

Sorry to be so down.... my heart is just broken.  

Just know that your feelings are justifiable and no one should have to live each day going through what we go through.

Take care and thanks for looking at my pictures. I had no idea that people actually care to see who we really are!!!

Rachel