IUI or IVF?

[Sammy_J]

Hi there, my favourite ladies! :)

I had a failed IVF in April and am back on stims. Today was my 14th injection, the largest follicle was 14 yesterday, with 5 other follicles between 10-14. They will be ready in 2-3 days. Now we need to decide if its going to be IUI or IVF.

When I started stims my RE was not too keen, he suggested I wait another couple of months but I was ready to start another cycle. I convinced him to start treatment and at the time he said we'll start stims and then decide later whether to do IUI or IVF.

Today he told me we will do IUI and when I asked him the reason he said that failed IVFs have a very negative effect on a woman psychologically.  I told him if thats the only problem and there is no negative physiological effect then I can deal with the psychological stresses but I want to go for IVF. He asked me to get my Estradiol measured tomorrow and come for a scan and then we will decide.

I have a feeling my estradiol level will be good, before my last IVF it was above 3800. In that case it will depend on me and whether I insist for IVF or not. I discussed it with dh and he says I should do what I want. I want IVF but I'm a bit nervous too...

I know I can go thru it and survive another failure (though of course I'll hope and pray for success as always.) But I'm more worried about dh and our relationship. The failed IVF had very negative psychological effect on him which caused a strain on our relationship also. He got depressed and stayed down for a couple of weeks, though he pretended it was because of work related stress but I knew that seeing me go thru it and then it failing and then my crying non-stop for 3 days had a lot to do with his depression.

But on the other hand I want to give each try the best I can and I feel IVF has much better chances than IUI, so I really want to go for it.

What do you girls advise? I know what I want but I'm confused on whether I should go for it...

Sam

[Sammy_J]

google_eyes
miracles do happen and i know they will for us too, but we have to wait till the time is right. hang in there and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs.............

[google_eyes]

awww, thanks.  Good luck to you too, and yes I'm praying for a miracle.  I don't know when I'll do my next cycle, maybe in Aug.  I might take July off and I'm going to see a new RE.  See what they say.

[Sammy_J]

happynifer
I have 5-6 follies between 11-16 in size today, they should all mature over the next couple of days. We are going for IVF! I want to go for it!

google_eyes
Thanks for the message. First of all, hats off to you for being such a strong person! I can't even imagine what it would be like to go thru all that. I can only pray that you get all you want in life.
I know I overdid it last time when my IVF failed - all the crying and moping... but the thing is that because he did not express it at the start, I did not know it was affecting him so badly. I only found out afterwards that it was this that sent him into depression. And I do realise that I was leaning on him too much, sharing everything with him on a daily basis which increased his involvement but also his stress.
This time around I am already stronger and have been leaning on him less throughout the stims and will definitely try to keep any negativity away from him as much as possible. Hoping for success but better prepared for failure.
Thanks again for your message and support. Good luck for your next cycle!
Hugs...
Sam

[google_eyes]

I think you should go for IVF again.  I know what you are going through with DH.  First of all, we all are going through the same thing (failed ivf's, bfns, chemicals, etc.)  I may get some criticism for this...but sometimes I think that we (as people) need to compose ourselves and get ourselves together.  Falling apart and crying non-stop for 3 days would be hard on any partner, and definitely depressing.  You also have to be there for your husband, and show him that you are strong and keep a positive attitude.  I know that it is hard, but sometimes we've got to toughen-up a bit.  I've been through a lot, I have fertility issues because I had a bone marrow transplant for cancer, and nearly died during the process.  If anyone had reason to cry all-day everyday, it was me.  I just had to find that inner strength, I had to act like a grown-up and do my best to keep things positive.....because things like that can tear relationships apart and it is very hard on a partner.  They are going through just as much pain as you (not physically) and men just don't show their feelings like we do.  I'm not saying you aren't allowed to cry, and especially after a failed ivf, but try not to let it go on for days on end.  Contrary to what everyone else thinks, i don't think it's healthy for one to cry all the time and fall apart.

Wishing you all the luck next round.  I'm also hoping to do another round in the next couple months.  Got an appt with the RE July 7 :)

[happynifer]

personally i think it depends on how many mature follies you have.  If you only have 1-2 then maybe IUI is better this cycle (assuming no male factor issues)
if you have more than 3 i would definitely go IVF.
good luck!

[Sammy_J]

Thanks for the messages. I'm going to be firm for the IVF now.
kahlua: good luck with the beta, I'll be praying for you
MissingLink: congrats on the pregnancy and wish you all the best.
Hugs...
Sam

[MissingLink]

we had four IVF cycles over the space of 9 months before this pregnancy took. What kept us going was the fact that each cycle was better than the last (getting the drugs right, finding out we needed ICSI etc...) then it just came down to two cycles of just trying to find a sticky one, and it appears that we have. IUI wouldn't have worked for us as our issue was at fertilisation.

our RE was quite strict. day 5 transfers only, and even then, only if the embys were high enough quality. They figure that it's better to be disappointed than grieving. seemed to work well for us. we stayed fairly positive and within a year had our BFP.

It has to be what works for the two of you. Best of luck.

[kahlua141]

I had a failed ivf..a chemical in march..the sadness took a toll on us also  but once we started again in May it helped..now i am 2 days from beta and we are praying for  a BFP! Good luck!