Aa
want a baby !!!!
Been with my man for over four years I'm 22 he's 23 been engaged for a year I reallywant a baby its to the point its driving me crazy but he doesn't want kids anytime soon not for a couple years should he TTC with me or am I wasting my time and should leave him
pinkraz, I would not have said it if I hadn't been in the same spot with my husband. We still, to this day, have difficulties in our marriage because I wanted two kids and he was ready to stop with one. (We have one.) I did not want to hear that he could put a stop to things just by not wanting them to happen. This sorrow is a problem that does not really go away, when one wants the one thing so much and the other wants the opposite. It's hard enough raising a child, an angry or resisting partner makes it much worse. To have a guy be happy to have a baby makes all the difference. Relax and enjoy your relationship with him. You've got time.
You're saying it's not all up to him as though, if the answer is 'it's not all up to him,' then it gets to be all up to you. It can't be all up to you.
Making a baby is a joint decision, no matter how many women have sneaked one over on their partner in order to end the argument. You have to respect that you're asking the other person to put in 20 years hard labor to take care of any child the two of you bring into the world. One of the hardest things ever is wanting a child at a time your partner does not. If you are sure you and your partner are in it together for life, you have to work out a way to respect his desires in this matter.
Think of it this way. No matter if all your friends are having babies or not, you're not at the end of your childbearing years but at the beginning (you could have a baby as long as 10 or 20 years from now, later than that if you had help). You aren't married yet, nor have you had the time to enjoy the fruits of early marriage -- getting your home or apartment decorated and together, travel and play, money from both of you working without having to pay it all out on a child's needs, freedom to have fun as a couple. A baby will put a huge cramp on all of that.
Now, maybe you don't actually find it that exciting to think of traveling, nesting and having fun with this guy? (I notice you say "I love him to death," which is not the same thing as saying "I love him." It's more casual, like ladies say about their book club friends.) To be ready for something as serious as raising a child together, you have to be at the point where you are thinking "I will be with him the rest of my life, no matter if it means I won't have something I want right now." If you really can't do that, then seriously, look at whether the relationship is really "the one." Don't have a baby with a guy you don't hope to be with the rest of your life. It becomes a mess at all levels if you do.
It sounds like when the two of you talk about this, you are playing the "it's not fair, you get what you want and I don't get what I want" card. At some point, in his shoes, I would simply say no, I am just saying you're 22 and acting 16, and would offer you the out (i.e., the door). Sounds like your boyfriend is nicer than this. But I sure wouldn't push it if you want to continue to have a good and respectful relationship. If you don't care to keep him if you don't get to have a baby right now, go. I'm sure you can find someone who wants kids now.
Making a baby is a joint decision, no matter how many women have sneaked one over on their partner in order to end the argument. You have to respect that you're asking the other person to put in 20 years hard labor to take care of any child the two of you bring into the world. One of the hardest things ever is wanting a child at a time your partner does not. If you are sure you and your partner are in it together for life, you have to work out a way to respect his desires in this matter.
Think of it this way. No matter if all your friends are having babies or not, you're not at the end of your childbearing years but at the beginning (you could have a baby as long as 10 or 20 years from now, later than that if you had help). You aren't married yet, nor have you had the time to enjoy the fruits of early marriage -- getting your home or apartment decorated and together, travel and play, money from both of you working without having to pay it all out on a child's needs, freedom to have fun as a couple. A baby will put a huge cramp on all of that.
Now, maybe you don't actually find it that exciting to think of traveling, nesting and having fun with this guy? (I notice you say "I love him to death," which is not the same thing as saying "I love him." It's more casual, like ladies say about their book club friends.) To be ready for something as serious as raising a child together, you have to be at the point where you are thinking "I will be with him the rest of my life, no matter if it means I won't have something I want right now." If you really can't do that, then seriously, look at whether the relationship is really "the one." Don't have a baby with a guy you don't hope to be with the rest of your life. It becomes a mess at all levels if you do.
It sounds like when the two of you talk about this, you are playing the "it's not fair, you get what you want and I don't get what I want" card. At some point, in his shoes, I would simply say no, I am just saying you're 22 and acting 16, and would offer you the out (i.e., the door). Sounds like your boyfriend is nicer than this. But I sure wouldn't push it if you want to continue to have a good and respectful relationship. If you don't care to keep him if you don't get to have a baby right now, go. I'm sure you can find someone who wants kids now.
He wants them eventually he says but he also says he's not trying until he thinks im ready for one I love him to death and its not more important than him but its not all up to him right?
You are not saying he never wants kids, right? You're just saying, he does not want kids right now and you do, and that you are going so crazy over the issue that you are ready to leave him. What that says, is that you getting what you want is more important to you than staying in the relationship. If it is really more important to you to than he is, yes, you should leave. No man wants to mean less to his wife than the kids mean to her. Let him find a partner to whom he means more than kids mean to her.
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