why can't i get past this

[charlydawn]

to give you some back ground on this my father died of lung cancer dec.27,2007, I tried all last year to learn to cope with this, but when i think i'm past it my 7 year old son will bring up missing grandpa and he will start to cry uncontrollable I have to explain to him that there is nothing I can do to bring him back, my son only seen him a couple of times so i dont understand why his emotions are so strong about him,
I tried to go to sleep then all drama and the emotions of losing my dad came rushing back and I feel like i'm  going into a panic attack, there was a lot drama around the time he died and there were four years of us not talking to one another until he found out he dying and I was the last to find out plus he had other kids starting to show up from other marriages i had no clue about, and they felt like i had all the good years with him but they dont realize there were times he was not even there for me either he would disappear 6 months to a year at a time, it happened alot. i was the outcast in my family and still am. cause I chose to live my life differently and try to keep the drama low. how can i make this feeling go away i'm tried feeling like this when he is brought up.

[h20guy]

i lost my dad 12/30/2007 of pancreatic cancer.he lived with me and my wife and 2 boys at that time 2 and 7 years old. since then i have been ill with the panic attacks and the feeling like i was dieing. i have had a very hard time since his death.i lost my business house have moved several times -cant hold a job-its awful ,i know what your going through. i have caused my family lots of hard ache since his death.i just cant seem to get motivated to do what i need to do which makes me feel awful.i didnt have the problems with my boys but my oldest does seem to have the anxiety since then to -he just does not talk about it.things have gotten alot better for me ,but i know its going to take alot of effort to get past this-keep his memory alive -keep your faith and try and talk to your son about itor atleast let him talk about it.god bless you

[PromisedLand]

when my stepmother died in March, my sister took her girls, who were so very close to their grandmother, to see the priest at her church who helped a great deal in explaining things....they are age 10 and 7...I'd highly suggest that, even if you are not Christian (or perhaps you are of another religion with a spiritual leader who can help.

Jim

[charlydawn]

thanks for your kind words.

[Judy246]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My mother died in my arms on July 19, 2007 and my brother loss a baby two weeks before Christmas, so I understand what you are going through.

You son is only 7 yrs. old, vey inocent and does not understand "death". Although he only met his grandpa a few times, he loved him...this was his grandpa and what he is feeling is what you are feeling, grief.

How I explained the death of my mother and my dog whom the childred literally grew up with was that God saw them getting weaker and did what he thought was best, He looked down upon them and called them home for rest. I bought seveal hellum baloons that were red and read "I Love You", had them write there own personal messages and go to a special spot (we did go the the cemetary). I said a little prayer and asked that the Angels read the messages to both mom and Toby.  This brought great comfort to the children and it really helped.

Now that your father has passed, I would just let go of all the family drama and take the time to grief the loss of your father. Death is raw and there is no way around this one, you must grieve in order to heal and it's very difficult and at this point.

Also, I don't know if you are Christian, but talking with a priest, pastor, ect..it does help, so contact your church and ask to speak to priest, etc...he can give you spiritual guidance and any comforting words from others really does help.

Judy
Chicago, IL