I am frightened

[barb3339]

My husband of 53 years has end stage liver failure from chirrosis. At 76 years old he has refused the possibility of a transplant and we are just going day to day.  We don't know how long he has left.  I just found this site and have cried over some of the posts I have read.  I sympathise so much with all of you.  What I have noticed is that in so many of these is the statement of living on a roller coaster.  This is so true.  I know what we are going through and was shocked to realize that there are so many others going through the same thing.  His medical records state that his condition is cuased from an unknown source.  He was only a social drinker.  He has been hospitalized a couple of times but has stated his wishes that he not go back to the hospital.  We did have hospice when he was released from the hospital the last time but revoked it when we researched the possibility of a transplant.  I know I will have to recall hospice back at some point but I really don't know when to do that.  This is such an unfair situation but after reading all of your stories at least I know we are not alone.  My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.  

[Judy246]

ops...sorry, i meant "the nurse brought her what I would say was her last meal".

[Judy246]

God is my strenght and my mother's faith during the last week of her life will forever stay on my mind. A few day's before her heart attack, the nurse brought her what I would say is meal. I walked in her room to find her praying over a meal she could bearly eat and I was so touched by her faith in God that I promised to follow her example and I am. I can only describe what my entire family has gone through as hell and back. No human being should ever have to experience what we have. It was life changing and I'm only starting to recover now 2 yrs. later. It's been a life changing journey, but if I can survive life's trials and tribulation, God will also test you and see how strong your faith will be. I promise it will be tested, but you faith will get your through. My parents were married 54 yrs and I have my 84 yr. old father with me.

I recommend that you simply be there for your husband with unconditional love, support and God will give you both strenght that you never new you had. It will be a difficult journey and no way around it, but their is light at the end of this tunnel. We are here to support you during these difficult times also. God bless, Judy

[barb3339]

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.  I cry for us but at the same time, I know how blessed our life has been.  It is so hard to see the decline of some one you care so much about.  The hardest part right now is the "roller coaster".  One day he is so good that I think they have made a mistake in the diagnosis and then it's like a "crash and burn day follows".  Depression takes over and our lives are pure hell.  Because of economics I am working and will have to continue which make it even harder.    Judy, I don't know how you made it through all of the loss you have had.  People keep telling me that God will not give you more than you can handle.  Sometimes I think I am being tested to find my limit and then I hear your story and I think I don't have it so bad.  Thanks again..

[Judy246]

I'm so very sorry that you are going through one of the most difficult, stressful times in your life and you are not alone. Hospice was wonderful with my mother, who died as I held her. I have to agree with barb, become well informed, by contacting different hospices for information, guidance and when would be the right time to seek hospice. I also recommend that you research on the internet on hospice. I had 7 deaths within an 8 month period that brought my entire family to our knees. It included my mother, brother in law, fiance's father and brother and wife loss their first baby 2 weeks before Christmas. From someone who has experienced the ultimate in pain, God will give you the strenght through these difficult times and I will keep you and your husband and family in my thoughts and prayers. Judy

[p527]

My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry.  My Dad died last year, at home with hospice care.  From what I understand when you know  there is no more help and a matter of time you can call them.  Call them and ask. Don't hesitate, at this point you and your husband are what matter, the most they can say is you have to wait awhile, but then you will know.  You will be in my prayers, for now you are in Gods hands. What an amazing place to be.