I understand what you are going through. My husband's mother is still alive but she has severe Alzheimer's and my husband's siblings refuse to do the right thing and put her in an Alzheimer's unit. She has plenty of money and assets to go to a really good facility where the staff brings their children and also specially trained dogs to interact with the patients and the staff is doing the latest therapy for Alzheimer's patients. Two of his siblings have already tried to put her in a state home when she was competent so they could get a hold of her assets that they will inherit.
His remaining sibling got power of attorney on the pretense that she would look after her mother. Unfortunately, we discovered this summer that my husband's sister and her daughter are living off the mother's money, are not providing a safe enviroment, have taken out a large cash withdrawal to fix up the house that his sister is supposed to inherit and they refuse to put her in the facility because they don't want to work.
It is very sad and it is unfortunate that the only path left to my husband to help his mother is legal recourse.
You and I share very similar experiences. Our mother passed away, caretakers with love and sibbilings too busy to pitch in. I feel that it's important right now to just take the time to mourn and heal from the loss of your mother and not worry about sibbling rivalry. It serves no purpose at this time and your mother is resting in peace and wants the family to be in peace also. I did everything for my mother including working. Many times I needed help from family to take turns taking my mother to her appointments, but everyone was too busy and forgot that although I lived with her, I also had the responsibilities of a job. I was blessed to have a job with the Archdiocese of Chicago where they were compassionate and gave me all the time necessary and hold on to my job. My mother was Christian so reading the bible to her was great joy. I also had to put away her cloth and donate them, which was just awful for me. I do recommend that you take time and do it when it feels right for you. As your family, YES, do and will continue to have a full family regardless of what has happened, because although it might not feel like it right now, you must learn to forgive. Forgive for all hurt caused, because bitterness, anger, resentment and grudge serves no purpose in life and you are only hurting yourself, so learn how to forgive, because that is what your mother would want you to do and she is very aware that you divinely were chosen to bare the burden of caretaker with pure love. All the pain, grief and sorrow will subside within it's time, but it will be necessary for you to experience the stages of the grief process in order to heal and it will be very difficult. Right now, take time to just think and heal and everything will fall into place one day at a time. Judy