Guilt & Grief

[sta711]

My dad died this past Saturday, and I feel so much pain & guilt that I don't want to live with myself.  He had spent several months in the hospital, then in a rehab.  He had heart disease, lung disease & vascular disease.  The doctors said how very ill he was, but he pulled through & was feeling like a million bucks.  He was always so lively & active & he seemed like his old self again.  Then, I got a call last Tuesday that he was taken back to the hospital with breathing difficulties, which was later diagnosed as pneumonia.  My daughter was coming home from college Tuesday, (3 hours from home), I had a surgical procedure scheduled for Wed. & Thursday we were supposed to get a Christmas tree.  I was swamped at work, had taken some (not much) time off to with his prior stint in the hospital & planned to go down with the kids on Saturday.  It was a bad week wather-wise and he didn't have many (friend)visitors.I spoke with him several times on the phone, but it was difficult for him to talk.  I just never thought I'd lose him.  He died Saturday morning while we were on our way to see him.  I live 90 minutes away, & I can't believe how selfish I was to not make the time to see him.  It's breaking my heart that he died alone.  I have so many regrets & just wish I could tell him how sorry I am

[john4321]

So you feel that you didn't get to say good bye , my dear , our departed ones don't care because they are happy with their new life , and want the same for you , to move forward in life , guilt and shame are negative emotions they are not from God , Earth is a difficult school for souls , the lessons of love and forgiveness are most important , to learn that it is not enough that we forgive one another but also ourselves , this is the true meaning of forgiveness , if you study near death experiences www.near-death.com you will learn a great deal about the eternal and peaceful nature of life , nothing is worth worrying about , God and our loved ones don't want us to suffer , it is we who don't love ourselves , try to see yourself as this universe sees you - perfect and whole . Your dad is still alive , sees and hear you , visits you in night and understands why you weren't able to see him , Death is a great lesson and perhaps you were late because you needed to learn something . Everything is fine , it's OK .... make peace with yourself , try to live in now , forget the past , peace is in now , tell yourself live in now , try to live in now ... As for your dad I would say he is healthy again , free of limitations of this cage like body , full of joy and love and having a great time meeting old friends and seeing new things in the spiritual world . Don't worry for him , he is healed because he is with God now , the source of all joy and happiness in this world . Ask him to guide you in this terrible times , there is no shame or fear in love , love is unconditional and you did all you could ... may Peace be with you , God bless

John

[Beachwalker33]

I'm so sorry for your loss.Please don't feel guilty,maybe your Dad didn't want you there,maybe he wanted to spare you the pain of seeing him pass.You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.It seemed that you had a lot of things going on.Take comfort in the fact that your Dad is free,free of pain,free of anxiety.He's healthy and happy in heaven.We all started in heaven and its an honor to be called back.He was needed up in heaven for a higher purpose,what purpose, someday you'll find out.You still haven't fulfilled your purpose here.Our loved one's are still with us in spirit.Don't let this eat you up inside,for your Dad would not want you to feel any guilt.We all do the best we can.How were you to know it was his time? If God wanted you there during his passing you would have been.It wasn't meant to be.Everything happens for a reason.Take care of yourself during this very difficult time.Your in my prayers,Jen

[jml1986]

Please forgive yourself, there is no way of knowing when someone is going to die. My dad was in the same house as my mother and when he got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, he dropped dead of a heart attack. Mom did not find him for an hour or so later. Sometimes even being in the same place does not mean you are there when they die. We all get busy with our own lives, and we are all guilty of putting something else over something we find out later was more important, but death is the one thing in life that you will never be able to put on a time schedule, so don't beat yourself up for not being there, now is the time for you to deal with your grief and you don't need to make it any harder on yourself then it already is.

[suzi-q]

You did not know he was going to die.  If you did, you would have been right there at his bedside....you know that.  Please do not punish yourself for not being there.  Believe me, he knows how much you loved him and still do and would not want you to do this to yourself.  The night before my mom passed I couldn't wait to leave the hospital and go home and just relax a little.  I had no idea I was getting a call at 2 a.m. that she was gone.  If I knew, I never, EVER would have left.  You were always there for him and I am sure you showed your love in so many different ways.  One mistake does not negate all of the love and caring you showed over the years.  You need to forgive YOURSELF.  Your father is at peace and loves you just as much whether you were there or not.  I have also heard that many people prefer to pass alone...many times a person passes when the family leaves for a dinner break etc.  I am sure he was met by all the others waiting for him on the other side.  I wish you peace and comfort at this difficult time.  Feel your grief, but let go of the guilt....there is nothing to feel guilty for.

[Judy246]

I'm so very sorry on the passing of  your beloved father.  My mother died in my arms July 19th of respiratory and congestive heart failure and there are no words for what we are going through.

It has been a life changing, difficult experience, so hang in there.  It you want to talk, we are here.

Rest easy...we never die alone. At the hour of death, their loved ones come to greet them or angels.

St. Bernadette at the hour of death was welcomed opened arms by the Blessed Mother herself. Life is too short. If there is ever an emergency, drop what you are doing and just go...it's ok.

Your father is in God's glory and in a place where he would not want to come back!  Why would he want to come back here, when he is in a place where we just imagine.

Difficult times ahead, because you must go through the grief process in order to  heal, but don't torment yourself with the "what if",..God never leaves us and He is the one that counts. God will also be your strenght at this time, so just hang in there one day at a time and remember that you are an extention of your father and that bond will NEVER die and he does not want you suffering. That is the last thing our parents want for us, yet, easier said than done.

His soul is ok and rest easy, you will be ok and one day in God's time your beloved father is going to come running towards you at the gates from heaven and be the guiding light and show you the way.

Judy

[jenmom]

     I know how hard it is to not get to say goodbye. I believe though, that your dad knows how much you love him. I also believe that God and angels where there with him and he was not alone when he passed. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'll keep you in my prayers.