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Missing my grandpa...
Hello everyone. My grandpa passed well it will be 2 years in feb. He was 72 Had emphazyma and COPD and it was getting progressively worse. He had numerous blockages in his intestents and they found colon cancer. He went though surgery to remove the tumor and everything was going good. One morning after surgery when he got up he got very dizzy and passed out. They said it was likely he had a pulmonary embolism. While I am very great full that he is no longer suffering, I miss him so much. I was very very close to him as he raised me.
He was more like a father than a grandfather. I adored him and like to think that we had a special relationship. When he first passed it felt like someone punched me in the soul with a big wrecking ball. If that makes sence. Time has healed the deep wound that I never though would go away however the empty place in my heart is still there. I try to think of the good times we had and most of the time I am okay. But every now and then something will catch me off guard that makes me think of him and it makes me miss him so much that I cannot breathe!
He passed away when I was 2 months pregnant.. 2 days after I found out and I just wish so much that he was here to see my kids grow and do all the cute things they do everyday. After having my 2nd daughter I am now suffering from post partum depression and firbromyalgia. I wish he was here to talk to and give me advice. But I knew him so well that whenever I have a question I can almost close my eyes and imagine what his answer would have been. Sometimes I can talk about him without crying and sometimes I cant. It was really hard to deal with at first and if it was not for my husband I would not have gotten through it. He has been my rock through all of this and continues to support me and be there for me.
Anyways I just wanted to share my story with you all. I wish I would have known about this website a year ago but I'm glad I found it now. :)
He was more like a father than a grandfather. I adored him and like to think that we had a special relationship. When he first passed it felt like someone punched me in the soul with a big wrecking ball. If that makes sence. Time has healed the deep wound that I never though would go away however the empty place in my heart is still there. I try to think of the good times we had and most of the time I am okay. But every now and then something will catch me off guard that makes me think of him and it makes me miss him so much that I cannot breathe!
He passed away when I was 2 months pregnant.. 2 days after I found out and I just wish so much that he was here to see my kids grow and do all the cute things they do everyday. After having my 2nd daughter I am now suffering from post partum depression and firbromyalgia. I wish he was here to talk to and give me advice. But I knew him so well that whenever I have a question I can almost close my eyes and imagine what his answer would have been. Sometimes I can talk about him without crying and sometimes I cant. It was really hard to deal with at first and if it was not for my husband I would not have gotten through it. He has been my rock through all of this and continues to support me and be there for me.
Anyways I just wanted to share my story with you all. I wish I would have known about this website a year ago but I'm glad I found it now. :)
Hello FairyDust25 -
Weirdly enough, we have somewhat the same experience. Difference is I am not married and have no children. I too lost my Grandfather last 2007 and I still can't talk about him to my friends.
To be frank, I am an agnostic person. So, believing on the after life and souls are not my cup of tea. But when he was in the hospital, I was attending mass. He's a Catholic. Thinking that since he believed it, it might give him some consolation. I miss him so much. The idea of not seeing him during the Holidays is nerve-wrecking.
When I found out he died, I blamed my previous employee for being strict in handling Vacation Leaves, and I blamed myself for not pushing it harder. I do not believe that time heals all wounds. Time just replace old ones with new ones. And if those new ones didn't have much impact as the old ones, you can still vividly recall those old scars. That is what I think is happening to you and to me as well. That is why every now and then something that will catch you off guard and makes you think of him, making you miss him so much that you cannot breathe.
Think of it as a passing thought.. or a memory - which is what they are. It is good that we feel this way. For me, it gives me comfort in such a way no one could understand. Maybe you could. :) It gives me the feeling of love. For not for love, I won't be feeling this mourning for him, would I?
Weirdly enough, we have somewhat the same experience. Difference is I am not married and have no children. I too lost my Grandfather last 2007 and I still can't talk about him to my friends.
To be frank, I am an agnostic person. So, believing on the after life and souls are not my cup of tea. But when he was in the hospital, I was attending mass. He's a Catholic. Thinking that since he believed it, it might give him some consolation. I miss him so much. The idea of not seeing him during the Holidays is nerve-wrecking.
When I found out he died, I blamed my previous employee for being strict in handling Vacation Leaves, and I blamed myself for not pushing it harder. I do not believe that time heals all wounds. Time just replace old ones with new ones. And if those new ones didn't have much impact as the old ones, you can still vividly recall those old scars. That is what I think is happening to you and to me as well. That is why every now and then something that will catch you off guard and makes you think of him, making you miss him so much that you cannot breathe.
Think of it as a passing thought.. or a memory - which is what they are. It is good that we feel this way. For me, it gives me comfort in such a way no one could understand. Maybe you could. :) It gives me the feeling of love. For not for love, I won't be feeling this mourning for him, would I?
I can understand your pain. You are very lucky you have a supportive husband. I just a few thoughts from my personal experience. First you can talk to him when ever you want. You may not be able to actually hear his voice, but you will hear him. Just think you have such a wonderful loving soul that is looking after you. You know that your grandfather was in great deal of pain with cancer, and with COPD you actually feel like you are suffocating all the time, it really isn't a pleasant feeling. So I know this might sound terrible, but actually he isn't suffering anymore.
I would look into getting into a bereavement group. I would check with Hospice they usually have them or your local hospital. You can connect with people who are going through the same pain as you are.
I would look into getting into a bereavement group. I would check with Hospice they usually have them or your local hospital. You can connect with people who are going through the same pain as you are.
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