My Dad is dying

[tarponbound]

My dad (92) is in an assisted living facility.  He was put on hospice a couple weeks ago.  He really didn't seem bad to me but I trusted that the "professionals" see signs that I don't.  My son and daughter-in-law and the new baby (10 months) came out (across country) to see my dad.  They wanted to see him and let him see the baby before he died (my mom didn't get that opportunity - she died Dec 24 this past year).  My dad seemed really pretty healthy while my son was here, but after they went back I could then see the decline.  Someone told me that he probably is now  ready to die having seen his grandson and great grandson.  Well I just got a call the the assisted living facility and they told me that he is declining quite quickly now.  He is refusing to eat most of the time.  He is having periods of dementia.  He has parkinsons, renal failure (only 1 kidney and that kidney is only at 19%) coronary disease,  - he has almost no circulation in both feet.  So they think it is time to move him to the skilled nursing unit at that facility - which is probably best, but it is more like a hospital environment as opposed to apartment living.  Also it is at the same general area where my mom was (alzheimers unit) when she died and my dad absolutely hate going in that direction.  They had to take him to the skilled nursing unit a few weeks back to see the wound nurse and threw a fit.  So I know that moving him is going to very hard.  I also know that he is probably closer to dying that I have allowed myself to believe.  I wish he could just go to sleep some nite and die peacefully.  I guess I don't really have a question - I'm just looking for support and hearing from others that have gone thru this.

[jml1986]

I think it really depends on what you really need as to how much hospice gives. I know that as things progress they are there for longer periods of time. At least in my town they are. I would talk to your hospice workers and ask them just how much they do. I live in a small community, so that maybe have something to do with what type of care is given and how much time is spent. We used them when my aunt passed away, and I know for the last couple of weeks that she was alive, we had a hospice worker with her pretty much day and night.

[tarponbound]

I didn't understand either.  But what they have told me is that he is requiring someone to check on him every 1/2 hour and in assisted living that is not always possible.  Also he has been screaming out at night (I think that is when the dementia occurs) and he doesn't remember to use his call button to call someone so the other residents are having to go get an aide.  The hospice nurse does go there everyday.  It was the hospice nurse that made the suggestion of the skilled nursing section.  In the assisted living section the nurses are only there from 8am to 5pm.  In the skilled nursing section there are 2 nurses there 24 hours.  I asked them to take him to the skilled nursing section to let him see it and see his response - A gentleman that my dad has a good relationship with wheeled him there explaining things.  Evidently my dad was ok with it and said "lets do it" -  
There is a private room next to the nurses station available - so maybe it is meant to be.  Private rooms do not come available that readily - this is a small facility with only about 30 beds.  And I am thinking that maybe my dad will be happier there because the doors to everyones room are left open and the residents do walk up and down the hall.  One of my dad complaints in the assisted living area was that "everyone goes in their apartments and close the doors -  it's dead around here"  So maybe he will enjoy it more - he is a very shy man - he watches more than he participates.  
You said you would let hospice do their job - I am very naive to what hospice is suppose to do and not do -  they are not suppose to be there 24 hours a day are they? I thought they just oversee the patients care - and support the caregivers and familty.  Am I wrong?  
I don't feel you are on a soap box - I appreciate any input.  Thank you very much

[jml1986]

I guess maybe I don't understand something. Why if hospice is coming should he have to be moved to anywhere. The whole point of hospice is to let the person die at home where they want to be. If it were me, I would leave him where he is at and let hospice do their job. Now I will jump down off my soapbox and say how sorry I am that you are going through this very difficult time. I lost my dad 9 years ago and there is not a day that goes by that I do not miss him.