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Reminders of my son/emotional day
My 26 year old son died on 11/23/08 and is birthday is 10/12...he died on a Sunday (I've written about it somewhere in here a while back)...so, Sundays and the 23rd are always tough days but slowly it's getting better..yesterday however, it did not. My oldest daugher asked my wife if she should bake a cake October 12 and her mother asked me and I said "I think that would be OK"...yesterday I was thinking about that and thought about Scott and started crying...and said "no cake, please". I have a stepson name Scott who lives with us..as I was getting dressed my wife asked "Is Scott gone?" (meaning has her son gone to work) and I almost froze...I sat down over a cup of coffee a little later and cried a little more but mostly just thought of him as I looked outside at the rain and the fall starting to appear on the foliage around us....
And then later during the day I was driving home from the grocery store listening to Bruce Springsteen's "The River" and then one of the saddest songs I've ever heard "Wreck on the Highway" and I lost it..I came home with tears rolling down my face and wondering "why?" The rest of the day was spent on the couch.
I still have his ashes (or part of them) and I've thought of scatterring them..I may do that on his birthday and then last night I went into a panic almost, thinking of parting with his ashes...I don't think I can do it yet
Jim
Oh, Jim,....also, my mother's birthday is November 24th. It's going to be another difficult day for me. My birthday was yesterday, October 28th and I went to the cemetary and spend quite time with mom, but her birthday is coming up and that's a hard one for me. Judy
Jen, you are right....I'm not ready to part with the ashes...I just can't..I though I had it figured where I could let them go...a beautiful place like Olympic Park in Atlanta, full of happy laughing kids playing in the fountains, or at Stone Mountain..so peaceful and incredible to look at...but...in reality I'm not ready
Thank you for your comments...we are very blessed to have you and Judy here with us.
May God bless you both
Jim
Thank you for your comments...we are very blessed to have you and Judy here with us.
May God bless you both
Jim
Jim,
Keep the ashes that you do have,your not ready and you may never be.Even though we know our loved one's spirit's are gone in our mind our heart doesn't get it.I was going to scatter the rest of my Mom's ashes at the cove,where some are,I couldn't.Listen to your heart,pray to our Lord for guidance,and hang in there! You will never be the same after your loss and nether will I,all of our lives have changed forever.Look within,let this sad experiance help you grow spiritually.Pain makes us grow as people.Ever notice the people with seemingly perfect lives are the most shallow and the least spiritual.Let this tragedy make you a more loving,caring,and giving soul.I'm so sorry,I know it hurts,when you can speak of your son without crying you know a healing in your heart is taking place.Find yourself again,I'm getting there,I think and then I here a song,see a picture,smell perfume that my Mom used and then I realize I have to learn to deal with a lifetime of reminders.Others need you.In time it will get a bit easier.If you only knew how happy your son is in heaven,complete peace! Wouldn't that be nice? Pray for it! God Bless,Jen
Keep the ashes that you do have,your not ready and you may never be.Even though we know our loved one's spirit's are gone in our mind our heart doesn't get it.I was going to scatter the rest of my Mom's ashes at the cove,where some are,I couldn't.Listen to your heart,pray to our Lord for guidance,and hang in there! You will never be the same after your loss and nether will I,all of our lives have changed forever.Look within,let this sad experiance help you grow spiritually.Pain makes us grow as people.Ever notice the people with seemingly perfect lives are the most shallow and the least spiritual.Let this tragedy make you a more loving,caring,and giving soul.I'm so sorry,I know it hurts,when you can speak of your son without crying you know a healing in your heart is taking place.Find yourself again,I'm getting there,I think and then I here a song,see a picture,smell perfume that my Mom used and then I realize I have to learn to deal with a lifetime of reminders.Others need you.In time it will get a bit easier.If you only knew how happy your son is in heaven,complete peace! Wouldn't that be nice? Pray for it! God Bless,Jen
Thank you, Judy...you are so wise and comforting...I just love your writing...actually the first anniversay of his death is 11/23...his birthday is 10/12...I'm thinkink of taking his ashes to Atlanta to spread either around Olympic Park...a place he and I loved where we used to just sit and talk, or Stone Mountain, a place he took me to and he also loved...
Of course...I'll get permission to do so....on the other hand I still don't know that I can let him go.
May god bless you and your fiance,Judy..
Jim
Of course...I'll get permission to do so....on the other hand I still don't know that I can let him go.
May god bless you and your fiance,Judy..
Jim
Oh, Jim, I'm so sorry, I don't know how this post got past me. I missed this posting and your son death anniversary, which has passed and his birthday anniversary is around the corner. I'm sooo very sorry that you are having a difficult time. The first "everything" will be very diffiicult, but, you will survive another day in life's journey.
My birthday is October 28th and on my first birthday without my mom, I went to the cemetary to take her flowers and I ended up literally throwing myself on my knees on top of her grave sobbing "Mami, where are you, why did you leave me, how do I live without you?" over and over. Jim, there was not one soul there thank God to witness my drama or comfort me. I felt soooo alone within my wailing and sobbing. I didn't expect to have that terrible reaction. I came home and had to lay down. It broke my heart that the person that gave me life, that carried me 9 months, was dead. How could this be, that my mom is dead,
Jim, you and I have talked about this in the past and I'm going to repeat it to you, You are the father who has loss his son, and I am the daugher who has loss her mother, Jim, if roles had reverse in my case and if it were me the daugher who had died, I would never, ever want to see my mother suffering, grieving, crying, sobbing, wailing or shedding one single tear for me, no, not a tear from my beloved mother. I would not want her suffering over my loss, because I love her to much and don't want earthly suffering on her, I would always be near, I would be right behind her watching over her, I would want her to know that my love is eternal and death can never seperate us,so don't cry for me!!! I might not be there in body, but our souls are one! I wouldn't want her crying over my grave, it would upset me if she would have done that, no not one tear over my grave. I would be just a transition and prayer away and in God's time, I will come meet her and help her cross over.
With all that said, your son does not want you to suffer or be in pain either. If it were me who was deceased and mom had my ashes, I would want her to hold on to them and one day in God's time, I would like those ashes to be put with my mother so we can spend eternity together, but that's just me.
Rest easy Jim, you son is looking at you with love and peace and he want you to be in peace also. Your in my thoughts and prayers, Judy
My birthday is October 28th and on my first birthday without my mom, I went to the cemetary to take her flowers and I ended up literally throwing myself on my knees on top of her grave sobbing "Mami, where are you, why did you leave me, how do I live without you?" over and over. Jim, there was not one soul there thank God to witness my drama or comfort me. I felt soooo alone within my wailing and sobbing. I didn't expect to have that terrible reaction. I came home and had to lay down. It broke my heart that the person that gave me life, that carried me 9 months, was dead. How could this be, that my mom is dead,
Jim, you and I have talked about this in the past and I'm going to repeat it to you, You are the father who has loss his son, and I am the daugher who has loss her mother, Jim, if roles had reverse in my case and if it were me the daugher who had died, I would never, ever want to see my mother suffering, grieving, crying, sobbing, wailing or shedding one single tear for me, no, not a tear from my beloved mother. I would not want her suffering over my loss, because I love her to much and don't want earthly suffering on her, I would always be near, I would be right behind her watching over her, I would want her to know that my love is eternal and death can never seperate us,so don't cry for me!!! I might not be there in body, but our souls are one! I wouldn't want her crying over my grave, it would upset me if she would have done that, no not one tear over my grave. I would be just a transition and prayer away and in God's time, I will come meet her and help her cross over.
With all that said, your son does not want you to suffer or be in pain either. If it were me who was deceased and mom had my ashes, I would want her to hold on to them and one day in God's time, I would like those ashes to be put with my mother so we can spend eternity together, but that's just me.
Rest easy Jim, you son is looking at you with love and peace and he want you to be in peace also. Your in my thoughts and prayers, Judy
im so sorry jim that your going through this... i know it has to be the hardest things you have ever done.... its almost impossible for me to deal with losing my grandma last december, but i couldnt even imagine a child.... your son is looking after you and your family, and he doesnt want you to be upset and hurting...he would have wanted you to celebrate his life..... my prayers are with you and your family.....xoxox Kristyn
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