Support

[Bob185]

I need to share my story and hopefully get some suggestions and support and wisdom out there.  I recently turned 50.  I my early 40's I suffered a series of losses in a short period of time - lost my dad, my mom, best friend from college, my sister had three brain tumors (3 separate operations and survived) my father in law, miscarriage, financial, etc. I never grieved all these losses, just pushed it inside so I could function.  I wound up drinking to get thru the pain and became alcoholic. My first day in re-hab I was served divorce papers from my wife of twenty years and best friend.  It has been nine months since we are divorced - i never wanted this - my kids are 19 and 17 and I love them dearly, but don't see them much. They say divorce is like a death in some ways and I feel like my life is over. She has moved on but I cant -  in fact it seems that time hasn't helped at all. I signed everything over to her out of guilt and now all the ramifications have set in. It seems that each minute is an hour. I was in no state of mind to make a decision like that but obviously she had it planned for a while. I feel betrayed and alone and recovery is hard enough.  This past winter I hoped God would just take me. I am a good person but feel like nothing now. A complete failure. Thanks for listening.

[here4theinfo]

I am sorry you have had such a hard life of losses. Death is one of the few things people do not understand until they have gone through it. When my both of my grandmothers passed before I turned 15, I had swore off ever going through death again. Then last year I had to deal with my own son, 3 weeks old, death. Forced to make the perfect preparations for him, I remembered my promise not to go through it again, and then realizied, the control is never in my hands. My heart is so broken, in pieces of confusion and pain. I pray to my baby and God often. I've had thoughts of just letting go and letting God take me but after those prayers werent answered, I realizied another thing. It is not my time! Now Im not a hurt myself person, I have self mutalated myself and indulged in things that could have taken me, but yet another realization. If I purposly take my own life, I will not ever be able to be with my baby, or my grandmas, or my frinds that have passed. I dont go to church, I just have a strong faith in God. I am young, knowing that some day I will have to bury my parents, the thoughts of that kill me inside. Realistically, this is part of life. You are born, you live, and someday you die. Sometimes sooner than later. I want to outgrow my children, I want them to not suffer the pains of my death but instead remember me for the good things.
Bob, I know times have been tough, your losses great, your trials long and tiring. Look at the good though, you have accomplished rehab, you have started a clean life. Maybe God has a greater plan for you. My father whos about your age was an acholic or years, and after my step mom of 7 years left him, he fell a mess..He had a lonely heart, but one day met a woman at his place of work. Now I cant say shes perfect, but m father is no longer the alcoholic he once was. Hes taking care of himself now, hes living life. Hes no longer lonely and although his new wife does not like us kids, he has accomplished alot and for him to be happy, is what I want for him as a daughter. Please have faith that this is life, and out there, outside of your home, is a beautiful day if you can open your heart to it. I know your heart broken, your best friend gone, but there are plenty of people in the world if you just look around. It sounds like you now have a fresh start of life. Do you want to live the rest of your years broken hearted? Or would you love the live your dreams? Do you remember when you were young and felt amazed at life? You had dreams like all of us right? Take a few minutes and grab a pen and paper and write down those things you wanted to do back then. Youll be surprised of some of the silly stuff, and you may find there is something that you can do. Hold your head high and get out there and go do it. Live life while you can, be strong, there is a purpose for you and if you open yourself to it, you might find a rainbow at the end of your tunnel. Pay tribute to the ones you have lost, you will see them again some day. You are a strong person for seeking help for yourself. Maybe a counselor can help you build up to be a great person again that looks forward to waking up. Let go of the chains Bob, your life has just begun!!!

[suzi-q]

You have been through a lot.  It is so hard to deal with losses, especially when there are so many at once.  (I know).  And Yes, divorce is like a death.  If you ever looked at a "Stress Scale", you will see that Divorce comes in second place, only to loss of a spouse...even before other family members.  You have a lot on your plate and I commend you for getting help for your alcoholism.  That is a tremendous feat.  You have moved on through so much and you will do this too.  I feel, however, you cannot do it alone.  You definitely need to seek out a therapist (Psychiatrist or Psychologist preferrably) to discuss your situation so you can "vent" out all that you have been through and feel what you need to feel.  He will also be able to help you make a plan of action to move forward and feel better about yourself.  Baby steps....take it one day at a time...you should know that!  Peace to you.

[Shannon_Jayden]

That is horrible i'm so sorry.I haven't been through all of those things and i hope i don't ever, but i have so much compasion for you.No one should be taken advantage of like that. i know it isn't what you want to hear but you don't need someone who will kick you when your down .You deserve more. You have to keep the faith and know your turn will come for greatness and it will bring you so much happiness. I believe the first step is standing tall and realizing you are worth more and no one can take away your dignity.You can overcome this and YOU are incharge of your own happiness.

shannon