Are You seeing someone to help You through the pain and loss of Your daughter?
It seems as though You need to work through the pain that You have felt to fight it from continuing to come back. You will find a way to cope with the loss, you need to believe in Yourself and remember Your daughter would not have ever wanted You to be in pain.
Are You on medication for the Manic depression'?
I lost my son 12 years ago, and I go thru the same thing. I am on medication which helps a lot, but there is no greater loss than that of a child. I have stayed focused on my other two children and grandkids to get thru, knowing I need to be here for them, it takes the focus off of me. Just last year we lost our deceased son's little boy, and it was like losing my son again. Life is hard, and when we are dealt things like this, it seems so unfair to those we lost. I just get up every morning and start over, but couldn't do this without the medication. I hope you have been in therapy and are taking medication because we need it to just get by. My heart aches for you as I know what pain you carry, and it hurts like hell. Big hugs to you.
I have been off and on meds for years but they don't seem to help. My great burden is that i was with her when she died, involved in the same accident yet I survived. I have 2 other children and now 2 beautiful grandchildren but God forgive me sometimes I just don't want to be alive any more.
My son was murdered by his father, my exhusband, in March. My oldest son was shot three times but lives; in hospital now for therapy and pain management.
I understand your 'burden'. As I am 74 and a 3 yr survivor of anal cancer, can't quite figure out why I'm sitting here alone in my apt day after day, when my son, who lived life fully and was more active than anyone I know is gone. I don't ask why. We know that is foolish.
I have three other children, and two daughters in law, plus girl friends of dead son's who were coming around to comfort me. But that is stopping now, and was more help to them than me. They were trying to reach my son through me and it was draining.
In my experience the younger generation goes on ....work, other activities, friends keep them occupied. I suffer from agoraphobia, and cannot take antidepressants to help through this rough time as anal cancer treatment has damaged my colon so all the meds do is cause frightening diarrhea. I do take clonazapam for sleep and in case of panic in day.
Until Brooks' death, I was getting out more than I had in three years, regaining confidence, driving again, but the trauma of this, knocked me down. I know it will get easier in time. Am seeing improvement already.
I have seen a therapist once, and will see her again on Monday. I really do hope you will talk to someone. Grief doesn't have a timetable. And family loves you but a therapist is an invaluable ally when it comes to offering support and coping skills.
You have to think about the others in your life and what it would do to them should something happen to you. There's been a lot of sadness in your family, you can't add to it. You and your daughter will be reunited when it's time. She is looking down on you and would want you to be happy, and carry on.
I will never say that I know how you feel, because I do not. Everyone has different relationships and memories. I '04 I had what MD called a breakdown. Something was said about Clay. I went bonkers. Then I withdrew into myself. I had solely taken care of for appox. 95% of the time. We watched him for 91/2 as he battled Non-Hodgind Lymphoma. He relapsed a total of 5 or 6 times. He never asked why. I had learned to cry only in my right eye, so as to not upset him. Hours before he died, he told me that is what made him sad, was to see. me cry. He said Maw -eee,( that's what he called me) .I know you did everthing in your power to find treatments for me. It's time for me to go home. My journey and mission here is completed. I must move on. He passed on 1/31/98 . I still griece. I heard some one say grief is love. We all grieve in different ways. I feel you daughter would not want you to end your life. When it's your, she may ,take you by the hand, amd come and walk you into your new home. For me it has been 12 years. I am still in my grief. I see my psychiatrist monthly and more if needed. That along with meds, grlps me deal andenjoy eah day of life. I am sure this is what he wants me to do. When I cry, I try to remember what he told me. My prayers will be foe you.