numb...

[sweetpea03]

I was at my cousins house hanging out with her and one of her friends, who I had also become very close to. We watched movies, talked, etc. and at around midnight or so, our friend left to go back home. She didn't live too far away, it was about a 15 minute drive or so. We hugged like always and out the door she went and on her way home. At about 1 in the morning we received a phone call from her mom asking if she was still at my cousin's house with us. We said she had left about an hour ago. She had a curfew of around 12:30. Her mother called a few other friends, none of them knowing where she was. She began to panic and called us back. We then got in the car and went to search for her. Part of the road was blocked off by emergency crews on the path that we take to and from each others house. Her mother had reached that area before us and came up to us balling. She had been hit by a drunk driver! The fire fighter said that she would have been killed on impact by the way that her car was, so at least we kind of know she may not have been in severe pain. It's been 2 years and I still can't get over it. She was only 19 years old, the age I'm at now. She was taken from us so unexpectedly, it's just not fair. I don't think I have every touched alcohol because of it and I hate driving at night. It has been hard on me, though my cousin took it much harder. I'm trying to start doing things as I had before, but I'm still pretty afraid of doing certain things. Any one have suggestions as to how I can get my life back together? I can fake it pretty well, but it's getting harder to hide it.

[sweetpea03]

I know that my fears aren't always rational, as if I can prevent a drunk driver from hitting me, but I still get chills when I see a car swerve a little bit on the road. I'm getting better at driving at night and go out more, since I can drive home and not be totally terrified. I've gotten better, but still have some more steps to take to get to a new normal in my life. It's been a long, hard journey...

[john4321]

near death experiences can offer some solace and closure

www.near-death.com

this site is a very profound one , everything is working under divine guidance

[jml1986]

After losing two people suddenly that I loved very dearly, I can tell you that it is common to have some fears. What you need to do is decide if they are reasonable or unreasonable. If they are reasonable, then it is good to have them. If they are unreasonable and they are stopping you from living a productive life then those are the ones you need to work on getting control of. It will not be easy and it won't be something you can do over night, but it is something you must do if you want to start living a normal life again.

[crystalhanzelka]

I am so sorry for you loss.  It is a tough thing to deal with.
May I suggest a book?
"I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye"
It is for sudden loss.  It really does help.

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi sweetpea,

First of all I am sorry for the sudden loss of your friend. Life at that time went as it normally did but something changed it by the blink of an eye. Those are shocking events. The death of someone close hits deep and the circumstances around a loss could as well make it a turn-about of trauma. That's why it comforts me to read that you're trying to start do those things that once were you. You seem to go through grief with safe steps, allthough there are some reminders more harsh than the others.

My best friend was ran over by a car when we were aroudn the age of 10. I spent years walking on the innermost stripe of the walkways, taking deep breaths, counting and waiting for cars to pass if I needed to cross a road etc. Then one day I thought of the behavior I'd created: Was it really neccessary of me to avoid traffic? The answer was quite easy. If I took the precautions a pedestrian is supposed to do to make it easier for the driving force of the traffic to see and be aware, all I needed was to stick to my side of the rules - reflexes, sticking to my side of the road and look at signals given. I think I made it too big and too dangerous in my own mind. It was maybe something that I associated with the loss of my best friend but that was not the grief itself. The grief was the loss of someone to share the specific memories with, that she and I couldn't create new memories. Now, 17 years after, the tears have lingered and if I do cry, it is for not having her to share our common memories with.

I am sure that your friend wouldn't want you to suffer. She'd like you count the good and the bad memories, and liek you she'd cry tears equal to the memories - those that made your complete friendship. I imagine her give you a pat on the shoulder for being careful with alcohol. We're born to learn to be responsible for our actions - you do just that and I am sure you do it great. Try now to see where the fear comes from - that's my advice. That's where I had to start. It might not be the greatest advice but 2 years isn't a very long time when it comes down to grief. You can only live life one day at a time. Day by day your life will puzzle together.

Sincerely,
Florena