HIV is instantly inactivated in air and also instantly in saliva so it is effectively dead and can't infect from oral or kissing.
No one in 40 year HIV history got it from oral sex, so after 40 years the science is very well established, and nothing you can add will make your situation a risk.
Likely the pain is in your imagination since you fear death and the natural tendency then is to over-analyze your body looking for clues, but only your doctor can tell if you have a real issue - it can't be HIV though,
so you can move on from that fear.
There is an std forum where you can get better answers about std than here. You can't get HIV when you use a condom properly but you can get std even with a condom.
STD forum in not accepting questions