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HIV, OCD, and Alcohol
This is reposted from the OCD forum. I just wanted to hear a perspective from people with an understanding of HIV transmission and not just OCD. If this is innappropriate for this forum, I apologize.
Three weeks ago I had about 10 drinks over three hours at a hotel bar. It was a Monday night so I was the only person in the bar, and I left at closing time (1 am) so there would have been no reason for anyone to have been on the floor of the hotel the bar was on. The bar was at the end of a hallway, and the bathroom and elevator were right next to it, so I wouldn't have left this area. I remember my last drink, but I dont remember leaving the bar or returning to my room. I woke up around 3 or 4 in the morning in my room.
I am obsessing about the possibility of contracting HIV while I was blacked out. I woke up with no signs of a sexual encounter. I had showered before going to the bar, so when I woke up I was actually immaculately clean, again with no pains or any sign of a sexual encounter. I am a heterosexual male, with no homosexual experience, so I think if I had had a risky encounter (anal sex) I would have some sensation of it, but I am not sure. I did have some irregularities in my bowel movements the next day, but that could have been because of the excessive alcohol intake and the the fact that I had eaten next to nothing the previous day. The bathroom near the hotel bar is a trigger for me, I'm worried of having stopped to use the restroom, and encountered someone in the bathroom who initiated an encounter.
I have a history of obsessing over HIV from low-risk and no risk sexual encounters. I have been tested about 8 times in the past. I have had blackouts from drinking in college, but this is my first time obsessing about HIV when I'm not even sure I had an exposure. I also have a history of major depression, bi-polar disorder, and substance abuse. I know I'm not supposed to drink, but I sneak a drink every now and again even though I know I shouldn't. This is my first time blacking out in a number of years, and it is having a very discouraging effect on my feelings about alcohol.
I'm obviously looking for everyone to say "No, you did not have sex, you do not have to get tested for HIV." The window period factor of HIV testing is really bothering me, as I obsess all day every day about this, and I am trying to avoid spending the next 3 weeks until my first reasonably conclusive result worrying about this. Since the 100% conclusive mark is 3 months, I fear that I may waste the next 3 months of my life obsessing over this. I should mention that I was tested at 2 weeks, and the result was negative, however a 2 week test is only 50% conclusive. I see my psychaitrist in 2 weeks and I will talk to him about this. Can anyone here offer me some reassurance or advice?
Three weeks ago I had about 10 drinks over three hours at a hotel bar. It was a Monday night so I was the only person in the bar, and I left at closing time (1 am) so there would have been no reason for anyone to have been on the floor of the hotel the bar was on. The bar was at the end of a hallway, and the bathroom and elevator were right next to it, so I wouldn't have left this area. I remember my last drink, but I dont remember leaving the bar or returning to my room. I woke up around 3 or 4 in the morning in my room.
I am obsessing about the possibility of contracting HIV while I was blacked out. I woke up with no signs of a sexual encounter. I had showered before going to the bar, so when I woke up I was actually immaculately clean, again with no pains or any sign of a sexual encounter. I am a heterosexual male, with no homosexual experience, so I think if I had had a risky encounter (anal sex) I would have some sensation of it, but I am not sure. I did have some irregularities in my bowel movements the next day, but that could have been because of the excessive alcohol intake and the the fact that I had eaten next to nothing the previous day. The bathroom near the hotel bar is a trigger for me, I'm worried of having stopped to use the restroom, and encountered someone in the bathroom who initiated an encounter.
I have a history of obsessing over HIV from low-risk and no risk sexual encounters. I have been tested about 8 times in the past. I have had blackouts from drinking in college, but this is my first time obsessing about HIV when I'm not even sure I had an exposure. I also have a history of major depression, bi-polar disorder, and substance abuse. I know I'm not supposed to drink, but I sneak a drink every now and again even though I know I shouldn't. This is my first time blacking out in a number of years, and it is having a very discouraging effect on my feelings about alcohol.
I'm obviously looking for everyone to say "No, you did not have sex, you do not have to get tested for HIV." The window period factor of HIV testing is really bothering me, as I obsess all day every day about this, and I am trying to avoid spending the next 3 weeks until my first reasonably conclusive result worrying about this. Since the 100% conclusive mark is 3 months, I fear that I may waste the next 3 months of my life obsessing over this. I should mention that I was tested at 2 weeks, and the result was negative, however a 2 week test is only 50% conclusive. I see my psychaitrist in 2 weeks and I will talk to him about this. Can anyone here offer me some reassurance or advice?
Best Answer
You don't have to apologize,for your own sake just sort out your OCD or phobias because it's sad if you continue living like this.
Sorry, I actually know a good deal about these mental health issues. My situation causes me to ruminate and seek reassurance over and over again. I apologize if its annoying and I won't post in this forum any more.
You're going to have to work with your psychiatrist to identify your triggers and learn how to avoid or counter them.
Honestly, I think I just walked back to my room. Its just that feeling of a blackout, that anything could have happened in that time. I haven't drank like that in years and probably never will again after the anxiety this gave me. I've had this HIV anxiety for years and have been tested about 8 times for low and no risk "exposures." I just wonder what the next one can be and how I can avoid these feelings.
Alcohol isn't going to make you gay. But even if it did you would still know if there was penetration.
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You are reading content posted in the HIV Prevention Community
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Your thoughts are irrational, but you already knew that.