Hi Dr.
I recently turned 20 years old, I am a heterosexual male, circumcised. I for some reason decided to hire an escort on two separate occasions. I was a virgin before these encounters.
The first was on the 1st of August, we used a condom for vaginal intercourse, however without me noticing she had began performing oral on me without a condom for around 20 or less seconds before I asked her to put a condom on. We then proceeded to have vaginal sex.
The condom was secure as far as I can tell, after I had finished there was some sperm on the inside of the condom on the shaft of my penis, as this was my first time, I don't know if this is normal. I showered and urinated shortly after. The cost was 105 dollars for 30 minutes.
The second time was on Saturday, the 6th of August. I met with an escort. She put a condom on which was slightly too long, but it did not roll down, so she pull it down over my penis. It did however fit the width of the penis. She performed oral sex and then we had sex for literally a minute or two. I finished inside her, with the condom on. She took off the condom, there was no leakage or dripping, and as far as I can tell, the condom did not break. She charged 78 dollars for 30 minutes.
I am truly regretting what I did, I am in a committed long-distance relationship. I feel like utter ****, I live in the UK and I seen these girls ad online on a website on which they need to pay. I've spoken with both girls, they've confirmed they're clean and both got kind of angry that I was even asking, one said that I care about my life as much as you do about yours and the other said she always uses condoms, and gets tested monthly, even went as far as to send me a picture of her latest medical test (30th of June).
I am afraid that I may have contracted HIV.
I don't know what it is, is it anxiety? stress? I can't sleep, I haven't ate in a day, I just don't feel hungry. I feel so disconnected from everything, I might even be suicidal.
I just really need help, someone, please help me. What should I do? I am disconnected from everything around me just thinking what would happen if I did have HIV, I am an only child, my parents would be devastated if anything was to happen, my girlfriend would also be. I feel like a piece of **** and there's a heavy weight on my heart that just isn't moving. I can't sleep, I can't eat.. I just need help, someone, please.