The chances that your partner is HIV positive to be able to infect you in the first place is slim. Most people don't have it unless they are in a high risk group, such as men who have random unprotected sexual encounters with other men. It's highly likely that your test will be negative and you're totally fine. I would in fact be shocked if you end up with HIV from this.
However please seek out some counseling to help you overcome your suicidal thoughts because it's not healthy to let your mind go in that direction. You should call the suicide prevention hotline to speak with someone 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text 741741.
You risk was low. A brief exposure with no ejaculation certainly minimizes the risk plus you must focus on the fact that not everyone around is HIV positive, also it's irrational to assume your partner is positive.
I strongly feel that you are going to be okay, you are just worried about this little venture that you had outside of your monogamous relationship and your emotions are a bit jumbled up leading to this scare.
Sex is natural and not everyone having unprotected intercourse ends up being positive. It's obvious that you must have called your partner numerous times and tried asking about HIV / STDs, he is pestered, it doesn't mean anything else.
Try not to think about this all the time, avoid reading about it on the internet, just get the test and forget about this.
Good luck.
Well, I'm still waiting to take the 28 day duo. I went to our local testing center the other day and they do the rapid finger stick test, which I thought would suffice, and they wouldn't do it because they said their test only detects after 90 days post exposure.
So now I'm waiting on a lab order, my anxiety is through the roof and my gentleman friend has basically ghosted me.
I'm too old for this....
Thank you everyone. I do my 30 day test in a few days, and I am very very scared. Whatever I have in the way of a cold, flu, etc., is lingering and it just makes me even more afraid.
That's bad luck to have had a broken condom. But the guy really probably doesn't have HIV and the statistics of getting HIV with a one time exposure are extremely low. Less than 2 percent chance. So, try to keep your worry in check with what reality is. You should test at 4 weeks with a 4th generation duo and if it is negative as I suspect it will be, you will be able to move on with no worry.
A duo is conclusive after 1 month, all others after 3, to the test you took can't prove anything. No one here pays attention to symptoms because hiv docs can't diagnose from symptoms so you should stop monitoring them and stop worrying that they prove anything.
If his last test was conclusive wrt his window period and he hasn't had unprotected since his test then you don't have to worry. It is unlikely that he is lying so even if you do not trust him, then I wouldn't worry while waiting to do your own test. But if you don't trust him then you will need to use a condom all the time and do your own test at the proper time.