Need advice

[mnmom9821]

In April my mother went into the hospital and after tests was told she was in heart failure, kidney failure, and liver failure. She is 74 and in poor health to begin with. The doctor gave her weeks to possibly 6 months. She's still living, however, recently she's deteriorated a bit. Last weeks lab work showed her hemoglobin was down to 8.1, her platelets down to 89,000 and her potassium was 2.9. The doctor had her do a blood transfusion, it raised her hemoglobin up to 9, but her platelets went down to 72,000. Her potassium is up to 4.1, she's on Klor Con.  My question is, with this lab work showing her blood going down, does it mean she is nearing the end of her life? Her kidney function remains at stage 3, where it's been since May. We are contemplating putting her in a nursing home, she's been on hospice and now home care, but the family is burned out from providing 24 hour care. We promised her she could die in her home, and if she's only got a few more months we'll keep her there. But if she's got a year or more, then it's got to be a nursing home. Without any intervention, can anyone tell me how long she may have?  This situation is so stressful on all of us, and Mom has no quality of life anymore. She can't stand on her own, needs help to dress, get in and out of bed, she has no mobility whatsoever. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

[fulloflifemom]

I know how difficult it is.  Ive experienced some of the same issues.  My girls are 10 and 14.  My husband runs and builds a wall when times are hard.  If you ever need to talk with someone who understands I'm here.  Trust me I know probably every thought and had the same ones.  

[mnmom9821]

Thank you so much. It's been a difficult 7 months for my family. My oldest son moved in with my mom to provide the 24 hour care. I go over every day to help, my sister alternate evenings to help get mom to bed. My situation is complicated because I still have a child in high school. That and my husband had an affair during all this, so emotionally, I'm a wreck.  I don't want my mom to die, and I do cherish every moment I have with her. It is hard to watch parents deteriorate, but you are right, only God knows when the time will come to take her home. I know when it's all said and done that I did the best for her and I can rest at night with that assurance. Thank you so much for your response, I'm sorry you had difficulties too! That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right!?  I'm hanging in there, thanks for the pep talk!!!

[fulloflifemom]

Listen  as far as how much time she has is only for GOD to know.  If she's giving up, its because shes tired. I have been a caregiver since I was seventeen.  I'm now 35.  Three weeks ago my mother had to move in with me because of her health.  She's only 56.  This was a very difficult change for everyone.  I lost my Dad to a bone marrow transplant and I was a caregiver for him as well.  He died at 48.  I lived 9 hours away from my family to help him during the bone marrow.  I lived in the hospital.  I only had my mother with me whose health wasn't good either. This went on for 6 months.

You are stonger than you think.  You can do this.  I don't know you situation at home, but I do know that life is not easy and things can get so bad that you just wish that God would take her.  It's hard to see a loved one suffer.  I think you can give her what you promised.  You have to find strength and pray.  The way I see it, our parents raised us and have gave us life.  We can stop and think about what life is about.  It's about love and serving GOD.  All the other stuff will follow behind. Think about what people will remember about you when your gone.  They don't remember us for how clean our house is, or what our jobs were.  They remember us for what kind of person we were.  Such as loyalty, love, respect, how we treated others and our love for God.  The little things in life like being there for our loved ones taking time to enjoy our time with them.  Try not to think about how much time is left.  Concentrate on getting to know her better.  Laugh with her and make more memories.  She needs that.  You need that.

[mnmom9821]

Thanks for your response. The doctor said the entire right side of her heart is just flopping, barely working. And her mitral valve is leaking. With her other health problems, it's not possible to do surgical intervention as she wouldn't make it off the operating table. She's had one transfusion, but her platelets dropped even more after it, her hemoglobin came up a point though. Our problem is that she elected not to have any more intervention, but then her doctor talked her into the transfusion. It's so hard watching a parent deteriorate this way. I don't want her to die, but in a way I do. She has no quality of life anymore, she just sits and acts like she's waiting to die. I agree that a strong mind can work wonders, I think she's still alive from sheer will!!  I promised her in April that she could die in her home, but not I feel like a total traitor that I may have to put her in a nursing home. I just can't continue to provide the kind of care she needs.  Thanks again for your response, it helps to know I'm not all alone out here!!!

[ed34]

To what extent is her heart failure? It is likely that the heart problem is causing the other problems and I am wondering if they have said anything can be done. You can continue to boost the bodies blood agents which should keep her comfortable. If her platelets are down, you can have just those fed into the blood by IV. My Father suffered with Parkinsons disease for two years before passing away, but this was because he gave up, not because medication was failing. We all had to work hard to look after him but one evening feeling useless, he whispered "I give up now, Im a nuisance". Even though we argued, he passed away the following morning. I'm sure the mind can simply give up through a mixture of emotions and then will power is lost. Nobody can put a time on your mothers life, she has already exceeded expectations. A strong mind can work wonders.