Venting

[CFS56]

I have been puttering along pretty well for the last year, most of my problems I think were caused by stress and my husbands heart attack and bypass surgery.  I am taking 10 mg of bystolic and been doing ok.  Now my husband has 2 aneurysms, one in his aorta and one in the iliac artery and is scheduled for EVAR on Feb 7th.  I'm scared to death.  Last time he was in the hospital I stayed in afib for quite a while. I am really scared to stay by myself while he is in the hospital.  Anyway..I noticed today that my resting heart rate is staying between 84 - 89, which isn't bad in and of itself but it's usually in the low 70s.   It's missing beats, adding beats, I'm having short runs of tachycardia.  It's starting to scare me and I KNOW that I'm doing this myself.  I went to the cardiologist yesterday and he increased my meds from 5 to 10 mg and told me he was sure it was stress.  Now I'm back to monitoring by heart, didn't go workout all week..I'm falling back into the same crap I was in last year this time.  And my husband doesn't need to put up with this either. This should not be about me, he is the one facing this major surgery and health crisis.  I think I just need some reassurance or something.  Maybe I'm just venting to people that will understand.  

[CFS56]

I guess without angst you wouldn't appreciate the non-angstful (new word) times I guess.  But I agree with itdood, I wish I could pay somebody else to deal with it!  It seems Jim and I have had more than our share the last couple of years.

[itdood]

My definition of life being successful is:  upright and breathing.    :)

[Mom2four85]

itdood - "So, life needs angst to be successful" then I must be REALLY successful! lol cause I got awhole lotta angst...

CFS56 - The hardest thing I've ever done is being a caregiver to my Autistic son on top of family and trying to take care of myself...

try to relax and take some time for you and heal yourself

[itdood]

I being a show-off with my vocabulary,.... again :)

[is_something_wrong]

"I can see that life needs anxiety.  If we didn't get anxious about stuff, if it didn't scare us, we'd do nothing about it.  So, life needs angst to be successful. "

Life needs "angst" to be sucessful? That's a Norwegian word. Are you really scandinavian? :)

[itdood]

p.s., these experiences I've had with fear and anxiety make me think of my favorite quote all the time.  I'll just leave it here:
------------------------
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Frank Herbert, Dune

[itdood]

I wish I could react to stress with no emotion.  

I can see that life needs anxiety.  If we didn't get anxious about stuff, if it didn't scare us, we'd do nothing about it.  So, life needs angst to be successful.

I just wish I could afford to pay someone to deal with my stress!!

Well, maybe not.  I see these rich a-holes self destruct all the time.  It's like self inflicted stress, where none is needed.  People need drama?  yea that's me!

[RNRita]

Venting is good.  I vent here.  I also was doing well for the past year until a load of stress hit.  My heart isn't seeming to rebound either.  More changes coming.  It is hard to care for other people when your heart is tapping you on the shoulder all the time.  

Why, if it is so benign, doesn't it feel so godawful?  I have been asking this for many years.  I feel better up and moving, but relaxing should be just that....relaxing.  I shouldn't have to get hit every time I sit down to watch TV, read or lie to sleep.  GRRRRRR  Vent away.