My turn

[dolfnlvr]

Okay...this is not a PVC question, or maybe it is...I don't know.  I must be going through my "weird medical stuff" cycle again.  So, I'm scheduling an appointment with my general practicioner, but I've put it off for several weeks because I always feel like I'm crying wolf.

I'm having problems getting a deep breath.  Like when you yawn and can't get over that "refreshing" hump?  Anyway, I had this problem when the PVC's first started and I went through a HUGE pulmonary workup which showed...you guessed it...not a darn thing.  And, shortly after all those albuteral treatments etc. I started having arrhythmias.  So, of course I've always sort of been irritated with myself tying two and two together into four and feeling as though I may have induced these things by using asthma inhalers etc.

Eventually, my pulmonary issues subsided, and I have been able to forget my asthma (childhood diagnosis) again for years.  Well, it's back, and so are other weird issues.  But it is the "same" as before, so I don't really want to get all the radiation pumping tests that could CAUSE issues to prove that I'm "fine."  Then I get that deep in the pit feeling that maybe I'm not "fine."  (My mother died of lung cancer in 2004).  I don't smoke, eat well, have gained a bit of weight this past year but am only about 10 lbs over average for my height.  I have adopted several new farm animals this past year, and being allergic to many of them, I want to believe that they are the "source."  Except that I've had them around all year, have cared for, ridden, brushed, washed and shoveled manure for them for a year with NO issues until about a month ago.  

And of course, this brings on the PVC's.  Which are not scaring me, but are a symptom of my concerns over other issues.  And, they may well be connected to the breathing changes.  So, I feel my anxiety creeping up around my tiny neck hairs recently.  

I guess I feel stupid.  I never go to the doctor, until something really weird comes up, then it's like, "All I want is for you to prove I've not got some fatal disease."  And I know my doctor must think I'm a serious dork.  It's like I'm the healthiest sick people in the world and I can't help but come over like a hypochondriac...even though I KNOW that what I'm going through is REAL.  

So...I don't really need advice.  I'm setting the appointment this afternoon and I'll follow through.  I am not having arrhythmia fears etc., but I know that there are many of you who can empathize with the hypochondriac stigma and the anxiety it brings along with it whenever something is actually "off" with our health.

Go...don't go?  What will she think?  I know I'm fine.  I've been through this before.  Gosh I feel awful...what if it's not nothing this time?  Should I really get all those exams and put myself at risk of future "real" issues?

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

(Sorry...just venting in a "room" of like minded people)

[Skippi]

well, you probably know already what it is... you mention it yourself: fear/anxiety/phobia. It wrecks havoc with our minds - and bodies! you must know that stress causes these "tight bands around your chest". And I don't think you can inherit lung cancer, plus your mam was a smoker, which never helps. Our minds are a powerful thing so use this power to squash the worries (not easy I know). But also follow your instincts, you will do the right thing in the end. I think it's wonderful how you love your animals/family/friends and how you live life, then in the end, that's all we can do: live life to the fullest, despite everything.

[lulama]

You said "I'm scheduling an appointment"..........so, have you actually done it yet?.......the short answer to your post is........you don't have to feel sheepish about going to your doctor.......that's what he's there for.........and when you are scheduling, tell them your new symptoms.........

[dolfnlvr]

You are all so kind.  An I appreciate every single one of your comments and suggestions.  I am currently feeling pretty sick to my stomach and figure that all of this may well be all part of some sort of general illness that's been creeping up over time. But either way...I need a flu shot anyway...figured I might as well mention all this junk to my doc.

Dave:  As a child I was never allowed any animals because I had such horrible allergies and asthma (took shots for 16 years). Then my parents quit smoking and "magically" everything seemed to get much better.  Now I live on a farmette with every animal I ever loved and I love every minute of it!!!!  I know that I'm not "not getting enough air" but it feels as though there is a weight on my chest that is preventing my lungs from completely "filling."  I don't need the extra breath, but when you notice that you can't get it, all you can do is try to....and realize that you just can't.  Now, having experienced several full out asthma attacks (blue lips and adrenaline shots and all) as a youngster, I know this is not it.  And...I've lived through this before, so I'm 99% sure that it will pass.  BUT....four years ago when I lost my Mom, a seed was planted and...having lost several wonderful family members to cancer...it never completely leaves my mind.  It's anxiety and phobia mixed with "not rightness" that leads to the extreme discomfort and yes...fear.

I will definitely try the relaxation...heck, I got a massage today just for that very reason!!!!  (Boy that was nice......)  

It would sure help if I wouldn't have so many goofy "issues."  I really do have problems with syncope/bradycardia.  I really do have a hiatal hernia (thought it was stomach cancer that time). I really do have PVC's and SVT.  And I really do have asthma etc.  It seems that, though none of it is "deadly" (thank God), I'm usually right when things seem "off."  However, I'm usually prone to thinking it is worst case scenario right off the top instead of taking it as it comes.  

Thankfully...I still LIVE LIFE.  I don't feel well, but I'm out there riding my horse and giggling.  I'm out there enjoying friends and loving family.  Now, if I could just get my inside to follow along with my joyful outside...I'd be good to go again.

Thanks all.....you are amazing people and I owe you all a lot.

[Skippi]

oh, don't we all know these times of fear and should I/should I not go to the doctor, what if it is something serious, etc etc.... I must tell you, I always end up at the doc again (approx. 1x/year....). I have my now regular thyroid test (stupid I know, I think I have the healthiest thyroid in the world!), I have my ECG (which ususally shows a very fast heart rate because I'm so nervous just lying down and expecting the pvc's (which of course only happen before or after the ECG!). But somehow, these doc visits always help to calm me down again... at least I've checked it out, I've done my best. Just in case... last year I had an asthma attack (probably because I took 4 too many bl... beta blockers (which can cause asthma as you might know). Ah, well, it passed.... we do go through strange phases and yours will be one of those too, so try not to worry (yeah right, I know), you will be fine. You do the right thing by having it checked, it's good for piece of mind. we all think of you and send you strength and courage!!!

[Bon-Bon]

I am just going to throw this out here.  It may have nothing to do with your situation and  I know it may sound stupid; but, I felt I really needed to tell you this, just in case.  

I've always had outside farm animals, etc.  and did not experience breathing / asthma related problems until......................I got a HAMSTER.......and........... I didn't suffer any breathing related problems with him; until, several months down the road.

So, the question is........do you now own a Hamster / Gerbil and its kept in the house with you,  by any chance?

I never suffered asthma in my life until then.  I did not make the connection that it was due to the Hamster until approx. 6 months or so down the road when I gave him away, and the asthma stoped immediately and never came back.

OHHHHHH that good 'ol "TO GO or NOT TO GO ~ That is the question!"  I also understand that seemingly never ending battle about 'should I, or, shouldn't I go see the doctor about this, that or the other' and the 'what will they think about me if I do?  Is it the right decision or not?  Do I really need to go?  And if so, right now or, later?'  

What helps make up my mind is this ~ people have the right to think anything.  That cannot be changed.  He/she is there to serve "your" health concerns ~ whether he/she agrees with whether you made the right decision in making that appointment or not.

I've come to this final conclusion:  They expect services to be paid for when they feel like being paid and without taking into account what you may think of them for doing so, and rightly so.  Likewise, I expect services to be served when I feel like receiving service without taking into account what they may think of me for doing so, and rightly so.

Try not to concern yourself about what the doctor may or may not be thinking about your decision to go.  That is what they are their for.  They are providing you with that service.  Continue to take good care of yourself.  I am rooting for you.  I believe you will be feeling much better soon.  

[greendave]

Crikey - what a post- It's just like reading the diary i kept when i came out of hospital all those years ago  - trying to make sense of what was wrong with me so that i could then eliminate the 'bad things' and I'd be all right again. Round and round in circles I would go and end up dizzier than i started!
I feel your pain - I know your pain - but me being me you'll not be surprised that there are things that i would like you to try.
There are some strong emotional connections right at the start - 'problems getting a deep breath' - 'asthma childhood diagnosis' - mother dying of lung cancer - horrible painful traumatic things - you know better than me how important 'abdominal breathing' is and that overbreathing is counter productive - so that 'deep breath' may not help.
The animals are a big issue in that although you have had them for a year and it's only a month since you've become allergic to them what that tells me is that your immune system has weakened and therefore they may have been a problem all along but you were coping. However they were still draining your defences so now you are weaker it makes sense to keep your distance for a while.
It may also be good to take a supplement like Bimuno to give your immune system a boost .Another 'goodie' is CoQ10 which gives the old mitochondria a boost, produces energy in every cell and just make you feel so much better.
But more important than anything we need you to relax and we need you to visualise a happy healthy you. You are a very strong person with a strong mind and at the moment you are using that strength in a negative way and your body reacts accordingly.
What we need to do is to redirect your thoughts in a positive way because in any conflict between imagination and willpower imagination always wins. It is absolutely no use trying to will yourself to be strong, to will yourself to carry on regardless when inside you are screaming. It's better to scream, be honest and admit that your present way of thinking is causing you harm. And it is easy to start right now to change.
Get comfortable in a room where you will not be disturbed and sit or lie in a relaxed open manner. it does not matter if your mind is whirring away - it won't be soon.
Place your hand on your abdomen and focus all your attention on your hand  - feel its weight on you - feel its warmth - and then breathe so that your hand rises up slowly and then down slowly - up and down - nice and slowly - focus on only that simple act of breathing and your hand rising and falling.
Now imagine yourself in a special beautiful place of peace and tranquility- visualise the colours around you - feel a gentle breeze caressing you - hear the sound of trickling water and feel the warmth and love of the sun in the beautiful clear blue sky above you.
Now visualise the sun getting brighter much brighter and feel it in every cell of your body as a wondeful feeling of warmth, peace and harmony slowly spreads over all your body relaxing you even more.
Just lie there and feel this incredible warmth and love for you, this very special you - and know that every cell of your body is vibrating at a higher level all in harmony and that this light is a healing light - a light of love - just for you.
Visualise yourself strong and healthy and in your mind think the thought - I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful loving harmonious and happy.
If you can sleep for a while you will wake up much stronger and more positive but it is very important to keep at it and make it a part of your life for a while until your imagination becomes a positive force not a destructive one.
You are a very special person and we all love you.
dave

[upbeat633]

I just came across this, this morning, and strangely I heard something very similar about this topic yesterday, so I though I should pass it on since the message came to me twice.

It is about fear and how we should handle it when we experience it, basically it says we should change our perception of fear and use it to our advantage......here is the quote:

To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves...We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here--with its gift of energy and heightened awareness--so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation.
           -- Peter McWilliams, Life 101

[dolfnlvr]

Thank you all so much.  Just that little bit of, "you go girl," is so helpful.  You know how it is....you are frightened, but don't want to share with those around you for fear they'll roll their eyes and assume you're overreacting...again.  

My appointment is for next Thursday morning.  I'll let you know what happens....

Thanks all!!!

A

[steph4501]

Awwww, BIG HUGS!!  Please do not feel silly, crazy, or anything like that about how your FEEL!  How you feel is REAL and we all know that.  I am exactly like you in that I will go through something, "like these pvc's maybe, hmm"  lol and will say, "Ok should I go to the ER, no maybe not, I will wait and see, but what if this is the bad one, or what if this, or what if that!?!  I know how it feels.  I use to be a bad hypochondriac.  Anytime I hear about someone else getting something dreadful  I would start having those SAME symptoms.  It was awful.  I am thankfully over that after much counseling, etc....

But then I have these pvc's and I am like, "Oh ****, these are gonna kill me eventually."  Ugh, I can't win!

But you ARE feeling symptoms and I think you should get yourself checked out, if even for piece of mind!!  When our cardio's tell us these pvc's are benign, and our tests check out A-OK, we feel better mentally for a little while, then the fear kicks in again once time passes. So I think you should get checked out, if anything for your peace of mind!  Watcha think!?

And I just wanted to say that I too get that feeling like I can't get in a good breath.  It comes and goes, but it sure is an uncomfortable feeling.  Like the air is being sucked out of you while you try to take a good breath in.  You will be OK.  =o))  And I definitely understand the anxiety stigma when it relates with anything to do with our health.  That's why I am so annoyed, irritated, cry, feel like screaming, the gloom and doom over these PVC's, which are still here at every couple beats!!  ugh!!

Wishing the best for you dolfnlvr.  Let us know how your appt goes...  Hugs!

Stephanie =o)

[lagoya]

i like your posts something very straight yet funny too u talked yourself in going the u are unsure then u will go ,now u are going lol i know the feeling i am sure u know what is best in the end ,do u live on a farm to have all those animals ?.

i hope u feel better soon

[upbeat633]

hee, hee, you've still got your sense of humour. That will serve you very well over this bump in the road.

You know what we always suggest, if you feel your symptoms have changed sufficiently, and it sounds like yours have, you should get it checked. Don't beat yourself up over it :-)).

I play that game too, should I go, maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should wait, it wasn't anything last time, maybe it's nothing now. Oh, but maybe it is. I should go, but maybe I shouldn't. Repeat. Until I'm sitting in the doctor's office.

Have you gone through a weather change recently? Sometimes that will bring on upper respiratory stuff for me. Plus, if I've had a few days of not being so good, you know, maybe a cup of coffee, maybe a glass or two of wine, maybe some sweets, staying up late,,,,,,it puts a lot of dents in my armour, my immune system. I usually end up with a cold or something if I haven't been good to myself.

DO NOT feel embarrassed for investigating your health issues.

DO let us know how it goes. You've given so much to so many here, we're all thinking the best for you now .

[dolfnlvr]

By the way....when I re-read it sounds like I was saying I don't eat well.  I do....actually my cholesterol is so low that my cardiologist nearly blushes to read the numbers.  My gain in weight is directly proportional to the drop in daily activity that accompanies my shift from classroom teacher (running all over the place) to curriculum administrator (sitting on my slowly expanding buttocks).