I am freaking out here

[prettydamscared]

My husband just completed treatment not even 2 weeks ago and he got drunk tonight.  I mean cra*-faced, tripping over things, slurring speech drunk.  He hasn't even had his final appointment with his doctor.  That would be Monday.  I don't really know how the whole drinking after treatment thing goes but I'd bet quite a bit of money, that 2 weeks after treatment is not a good idea.

I knew this was coming.  There's just no way to really be prepared for it.  My hubby, great guy that he is, is an alcoholic and there is just no drinking in moderation for him.  He drank right up until he started treatment and clearly is right back at it.  The truth is sometimes I secretly wished he were a 1a or b, so that he'd have to treat for a year.

A client had a party tonight for him and his crews to show appreciation for a job well done.  Doesn't really matter what the occasion is....I guess there will be always be an occasion.  He did completely abstain during treatment.  I've been so caught up in my own treatment, I haven't given his potential drinking a thought.  Now that it's actually happened, I feel like somebody  punched me.  We've been married 25 years and I've been dealing with it all this time.  But, he's been stone cold sober for 6 months, (he's a 2b) and I really like him sober.  I don't want to go back to dealing with drunkenness, especially now that I'm treating.  It's gonnna be too much to deal with.  He just can't ever drink without getting falling down drunk.  He's harmless, never, ever violent or abusive.  He just goes to sleep.

Continued below

[outofgas]

why did he do the tx if he's just going to get drunk , he didn't even wait to see if he's svr. as for you do you want to go through life like this'I was just like your husband drank till I fell down for 30 years 'it took a divorce to wake me up and the line he's a great guy is a bunch of **** stop making it like it's nothing that he's get's falling down drunk but it's ok because he's a nice guy when he's sober, you have a big decision to make with him. DO you want to live like this or do you want change ,some times it takes tough love I have been sober for 11yrs now and and it's not easy every party every holiday there's booze, I guess the million dollar question is who's first booze or you,P.S. we are remarried and doing fine now.I will pray for you  good luck

[prettydamscared]

I don't even know what to say.  Goofydad, what a great idea, I'm talking about the saran wrap across the toilet....so, I didn't actually try it last night but now it's in my repertoire........

Strator, thanks so much for sharing your story with me.  I'm not gonna get all weepy here but I could in a heartbeat......let me just say I'm so glad that you found sobriety, not just for you but for your son as well. Sounds like you had to go through hell to get there but it's so worth it.  I have no idea what's gonna happen with my hubby but I do know he's not gonna get sober for me.  And, I don't expect him to...i know it doesn't work that way.  Anyway, thanks for answering me.  It helped me a lot.

Rock, Thanks so much for posting this. Timing is key and it's not something I'm very good at.  I'm using your exact words when I talk to him.  "I need him to be strong and sober for me".  That sounds really good and it's exactly true. My husband is the same as you described yourself.  If I ask without accusations or judgment, I know his response will be so different.  Not that I'm expecting to ask him to quit and he will.  I don't mean that.  I'm just saying that's a really good point and much appreicated.


Your might want to ask for his help in getting through tx and let him know that you will need him to be strong and sober for you. Timing is key to approaching him with this. I have been married for 30 years if my wife asks me to help her with anything I just can

[jmjm530]

Really can't add to anything said, nor what I know what to do if in your situation. Just try and keep strong and take care of yourself because your plate is very full right now in its own right. Let's hope this was just a blip on the screen and that things can be repaired because something appears to need fixing.

Be well,

-- Jim

[prettydamscared]

Hi Forsee,  I haven't talked to you recently.  How are you doing?  For a while there, I wasn't hardly on the board at all.  I am feeling better lately, more energy and the rash isn't nearly as bad as it was.  While I was going through that whole rash thing, I maintained that I could deal with anything after dealing with that. And, I still sat that.  That rash was insanc. Are you still considering treating in phase 3 trials?  Did I read a while back that you said you were dealing with ESLD with your sister?  I was only on the board for a minute and really sick that day so I may be getting you mixed up with someone else and forgive me if I am.  Anyway, thanks for your support and yeah I'm gonna go to a meeting.  I'm kinda proud of how I'm handling this.  So much better than I used to even in spite of the fact that I haven't been to a meeting in a while.

Hi settecasi1, I know what you mean. In a lot of ways, that is what's happened over the years.  I have allowed myself to be dragged down and drained by "my really nice guy".  The thing is I do know that I've allowed it and not that I'm blaming myself cuz I did the best I could at the time, but the only person I can change now is me.  It may turn out that we don't make it but I'm not gonna make that decision today.  That's for sure.

[strator]

I wish there was something I could say to help you. Just maybe after 6mos sober during tx, he'll realize the fruitlessness of today, and how much you will need him to help you now.  It's just something you're going to have to talk to him about when he's sober. Treatment can do some rough things to people as you know. I've known of a few around here that started tx but ended up in detox. It was a big fear w/ me and my dr going into treatment. I guess at least for today I was fortuntate that I was fighting to get sober before I got the hep dx. I imagine it would be a lot harder if I had gotten sober because of the hep c. I hope your husband finds he'd rather be sober, hep c or not. Regardless, you have to remember to focus on your tx. Life around alcoholism anytime is pretty hard, on tx I can't imagine.
My prayers are with you,
Don

[Myown]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. He has a problem and if you can convince him to stay sober at least until YOU finish tx for YOUR liver not to be stressed. This may hit him and have him scratching his head that you didn't ask him or tell him to give up drinking for the rest of his life.

By doing this you are letting him know (without saying it) that if he wants to continue in this behavior, put the pause button on until you are out of the woods with tx.

I wouldn't make any life changing decisions while on tx. If he can stay sober at least until you are finished with tx, then after that you will be able to focus on gettin him help.

Asking him to stay away from having a drink, "for your health," may make him feel very self centered and weak if he thinks about having a drink.

afterall alcholism is a weakness and a very self-centered HABBIT.
I was very self centered and weak myself at one time, so I should know.

Eating icecream every night can become a habbit and lead to bad health, doesn't mean the person is genetically predisposed or chemically imbalanced,,it means they developed a habit, (same as smoking) and don't have the willpower to walk past their refrigerator, but today they make excuses for everyone's weakness.

Its too much for you to take on right now,,,just do what you have to do to get him to give it up until the end of your tx and then handle the rest from there. If he doesn't change, ship him home to his mothers until you are finished with tx, so you don't have to upset yourself. Hope things work out. Keep praying for him.