Treatment first then dating, or dating first then treatment.

[edge2011]

Two problems - first -  I have beed dx with hep C, and second - I like someone and want to start the relationship. Is any one was in the same dilemma - to be treated for hep C before starting to date, or to start dating before treatment but tell the partner you have hep C in order he could protect himself and could not blame on you if he gets hep C from you incidentally. I concern about the moral and legal aspects on this matter, not saying about how tough it is to say to someone you like you have hep C - you never know the reaction. I think, the answer would be -get treated first. I really afraid to start treatment - afraid mostly of the side effects that can affect my ability to work.

[crossroadsec]

I jus browsed posts again n got a surge of RIBA rage at anyone who would ostracize someone because of a health condition. None of us wanted hep c. We're all just doing our best in our journey in life. Some of the people I've learned the most from, and had caring relationships with, have endured cancer, amputations, paralysis. I tell my bf about your posts n we are both in awe at the amount of strength and love that is poured out. I count every one of you as people I am privileged to know. Xoxo Karen

[curiouslady1]

Coo, could you have me mixed up with someone else?  Your post suggests you read me as advocating not telling.  That is not what my post was about.

[crossroadsec]

I'm with the tell. I told the guy I'm seeing that I was (at that time) newly diagnosed. It was our first date. I told him I would probably be getting a transplant. He's in the natural food industry and actually knew more about hep c than I did. We worked out, cooked organic, watched indie movies. He went w/ me to my first visit to the transplant hospital for moral support. He encouraged me to get my body ready and go for treatment.
Now, we're officially dating. He does most of the cooking and makes sure I'm on time w/ meds n supplements. Plays my fave music while I nap. As far as sexual transmission, I'm embarrased to admit I didn't even consider that. I talked w an epidemiologist at length because I raised a daughter and was married for 30 + years. My ex and daughter both tested negative 2 xs. I was more concerned about shared razors. I've always done a lot of cooking and have had so many stitches on my hands from chopping and dicing. That was a big concern.
Maybe I got off track, but honesty is always best. If the timing is right, it will happen.
Regarding work, I'm not telling. So maybe I'm full of contradictions here.. LOL. I worked 9 hours today and felt pretty bad during some of it. I do NOT want coworkers, boss, students, etc all feeling sorry for me or watching for me to fall over. I'm pacing myself. If I have to take time off, I may tell my boss. For now, I'm doing my job and putting my best foot forward. Sigh. It's complicated, huh? Good luck... Karen :)

[streamline569]

I think this is a very personal question. If you wish to continue a serious relationship with this person I would tell, it will be easier for you and him. So you can do what you have to do and he won't feel betrayed. If he doesn't stay you don't need that hurt down the road. You have to worry about you and getting well.

I know I would want to be told and would have more respect for the person for telling. I don't like lying I think it is a definite flaw in a person character.

I also know that I would not get intimate with a person unless they were willing to get tested for HIV and all Hepatitis strains. I want to know the status of the person I'm dating and I want to know what risk I'm at with a person and think every person deserves that respect.

So my answer is to tell......

[coo19]

If you really like this guy tell him you have the virus even if you wait on starting treatment. Fact is it's your responisibilty to protect those you care about first and second if he had something wouldn't you want him to tell you? I was terrified to tell my now fiance' that I had hep c, he knew about my past with drug use and had already stuck by me through getting clean but also was very controlliing and did not trust me because of all that, I felt that once he knew he would say he's had enough and leave but instead he said no matter what he would make sure I got better, he even called my family for me because I was to afraid to. I'm now on week 2 of treatment and he is doing everything he can to make this easy for me and even ehld my hair when I got sick Saturday, Fact is you should tell this guy the truth and also make sure he knows the facts, print off information about how its transmitted and have it handy for him to read. If he cares about you he will stick around, he may be  a little weird at first but if he wants to have a relationship that will all pass. Let him go to the doctor with you. He will be more angry if you wait and "hide" this from him than he willbe hearing the truth. If you want a chance and think maybe he is someone you want to keep honesty is key. You may be surprised how he reacts and if he runs then you are better off without him.

[beeblessed]

Thanks Trish.  I Googled "sex and Hep C" and just looked at a bunch of articles on the topic.  Most agree that Hep C through sexual transmission, though possible, is extremely low.

Edge -- Didn't mean to do a scary post :o(  Needless to say, didn't mean to jump the gun, since you are only talking about someone new coming into view.  Please ignore my earlier post.  Wishing you all the best.......

[Trish77]

Hep C is not considered an STD.  It's a "communicable disease" but not listed as an STD.   People who don't know any better think it's an STD but it's not.

[beeblessed]

I never knew that Hep C was considered a 'true' STD, because the chances were minimal.  But the more I read here, the more I learn.  I told a guy I had just started seeing, because if was shortly after I found out and I did not know it was a "no-no" to do so.  He was supportive and did not back away, but everyone is different. I agree with Trish, in that the mood swings may/will be difficult for partners to handle.  Wishing you the best in tx and in your dating decisions.  Here is a link I found for you:

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/15788/Help--How-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-STDs

[Anne1717]

+1 Trish

[Trish77]

I agree that it's not easy dating and finding a guy who will accept a Hep C status. I finally decided to stop dating for a time and decided to go for treatment not long after that. I wouldn't bother dating if you're going to do treatment, it can be challenging enough for you and you aren't really yourself while you're going through treatment, you'll likely have fatigue and mood changes from mild to extreme so it's not a great time to be starting a relationship.  I put my dating life on hold until treatment was done and frankly it was easier to simply take dating off the table for awhile and put all my energies into treatment, holding down my job and managing my life for that duration.  

[edge2011]

Thank you ALL of you for your input - it is very supportive, really, and it will definitely help me to make a right decision. Unfortunately, it seems not too much options, but either to go through interferon tx as soon as possible or freese my private live for a while. Darn!!!  Thank you guys.
Ann.

[Willy50]

First off, it's good news that you can wait.  I am waiting myself, although waiting is hard.  Good things are coming *relatively* soon.

It's your call on when to tell someone.  I wouldn't tell just anyone, and I think for instance a blind date wouldn't require disclosure, but I think many of us are supportive of telling someone before things progress too far.  

Since many people don't know much about the disease they may feel betrayed or very unnerved if you "expose" them to it, even if the risk is minimal.  For me, I prefer to be very open up front and even may have printed material, (such as sexual transmission.)

I'm able to say that my wife/kids lived w/ me for years with me not knowing w/o transmission occurring.

I have also done similar things with people who I work with (vectors *other* than sexual transmission  : ) ) You'll develop a sense of your own comfort level as you go.

best,
Willy

[edge2011]

Yes, actually I was dx'd incidentally, then came through work up and it revealed hep C, genotype 1b, minimal fibrosis, no symptoms, so the doctor told I can wait for the years. So, I hope the Vertex or some other will develop INTERFERON FREE pathway, some combination with VX-222/boceoprevir/telaprevir etc,. It seems, I have to disclose my diagnosis, and this is only the right way to start the date. Oh my! how complicated the life is after being diagnosed with this!

[Willy50]

I think treating and dating are almost mutually exclusive activities.  Pick one or the other.  I think very few people are successful in doing both concurrently successfully.  Some marriages don't survive TX, many are strained in various ways by treatment.

Second..... I would get an understanding of your genotype and amount of damage/ liver staging and other health factors.  Do you need to start treatment next week........in 5 years?  
If you have minimal damage I would consider talking with your doctor and deciding when you need to treat.  If treating is off of the table, date.  : )

If you have not yet disclosed..... understand that when you do you stand a chance that this person will opt out.  Either way if you are seeing them they deserve to know before the relationship gets real serious.

willy

[edge2011]

Wish to thank you both for your help to understand me my situation. Good luck to you too.
Ann.

[Anne1717]

Actually - this just happened to me last month.  I met someone while I had 10 weeks of treatment left and had to tell him after 8 weeks had gone by. By then, I felt I knew him fairly well.  I was terrified and expected the worst but it went better than I expected.  I guess you have to go into the conversation hoping for the best, but also be prepared for the worst.  You have no control over someone's reaction and it is very, very hard to get the words out.  I set  a dinner date.

It has been hard to date  while treating.  I really am tired and have had to shy away from hiking dates or anything that requires much energy.  You don't know yet how you will react to treatment so there is no easy answer to your question.  

So, if you you feel you are close enough to lay the situation out to him, then the rest of your answers should fall into place.

Best of luck, Anne

                                    

[OC]

Always be up front, if the person is into you, they will understand...your health is worth more than a relationship, take care of yourself!